Discussion of "EZ Happy Donut" by norm

don't be harsh, it's easy to simply go on to the next story.

Good writing style.. remove the 'f' word, not necessary to have it. I look forward to reading a new chapter.

Fun and quirky; kind of Simpsonesque cyberpunk. Would like to see better descriptive language as well as just 'more' in general to see if this could go somewhere--I think I like it, there's just not quite enough here to tell yet. As to expletives, sprinkle liberally; some may not like the seasoning, but they do add flavor.

Excellent! Only one spelling error toward the end, and I can even live with that.
Extremely good story, Norm. You should be writing novels already. Although I am not a huge fan of sci-fi (Yes, I am a Next Gen geek, but watching, not reading, HA), I thoroughly enjoyed this futuristic first chapter. If I thought I could pull it off, I would add the second chapter. I wish you would go ahead so I could read that one too!

OMG! Are we not over 13? If not, we should be..get over the expletives. A LOT of great works have them folks. And to the rude people: Get real. I bet your writing isn't as good as this.

This seemed to be futuristic, not usually something I prefer to read. But I do read for the structure and talent, which you have. You can substitute your curses for some other almost curse word. I know it has been a while on this one, but I would like to see where it goes.

Good start. I don't mind the cursing, but since it is set in the future it would help with the story to invent a few cyber/space curse words too and make up a few other things to add to it. All in all a good start and I'll read on. To those who slammed it, what about it did you not like, so that perhaps the writer can grow as a writer?

This piece does a fine job establishing a sense of place and gets me curious about the other innovations and details of its technocratic utopia ... or is it dystopia, one wonders. It also evokes some genre suspense at the end. Hope for more.

Your story captures the imagination, which is the first requirement to make me read through something. I was satisfied by the read, felt like I'd been given the start of an interesting adventure. I believed it, too. Your grammar and sentence structure are a little weak, but not terrible. I realized when you said the woman behind him in line went down the corridor to another automat that I hadn't been given a good visual sense of the place, but you story-told so well that it took a while to notice. I think this is nice work.

This chapter has been out there a long time...lol. But, it's still a great read! I really enjoyed it, language and all (which, all you 'holier than thou' types...was relatively mild and fit perfectly to the character). Anyway, I thought you built a strong character, developed and interesting plot and left it for any number of storyline twists and turns. Very, very good!!