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2		norm 5 years, 6 months ago Context The author has to publish the chapter before we can vote on it. :(
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2		norm 5 years, 7 months ago Context Guilt about lying about your "Jewish Guilt", ha! I always thought it was speelled schlep but looking it up shlep seems to be alternate speilling. Hmmm, you need to publish it, so, we can vote on it!
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1		norm 5 years, 7 months ago Context Hilarious. Love how I could probably recognize this guy walking down the street even though you didn't give a word of description. Excellent example of important writer's lesson of "show, don't tell".
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1		norm 5 years, 7 months ago Context Great opening line. But the first paragraph got me confused as to what was happening exactly. And later there was some dialog, I think, without the typical "quotes" and separate paragraphs. And the ending is kind of a spoiler/leap. The untold, unexplained is often creepier. Let the reader get carried away imagining many different scary endings instead of just the one you provide. I'd ended it on "It would all be over soon." And on StoryMash the readers could add the scary endings they imagine.
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2		norm 5 years, 7 months ago Context Dialog can be hard, good job. I only wish I had some idea about shakers, operas, and females so I could continue this story.
hidden comment from norm with score of 2