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All Comments by nasquared

12 comments
1 nasquared 6 years ago Context

Thanks for the welcome & the comment/critique! I can see that I wasn't at all as clear as I was hoping as to what the bit with the files was all about. C'est la vie ;-) Next time maybe I'll take an extra day to step back & reread/revise a little before posting...was just too excited this time, I guess. Thanks again!


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1 nasquared 6 years ago Context

Gotcha gotcha, when dealing with books that have supernatural aspects to them, the tendency is to err on the side of the weird, I think, which is why I automatically assumed she was actually doing it--especially since it tied so perfectly to the previous chapter. If it had been something other than iPods in there, something that maybe revealed a part of Adara's psyche instead of a straight commercial product, I think what you were going for would have come across.


  hidden comment from nasquared with score of 1
1 nasquared 6 years ago Context

All the new commenters, thank you! I've got a spotty net connection, so sometimes it takes a while to get back here. I can't believe you all couldn't see EXACTLY where I was going with the files ;-) (I don't know, does sarcasm come through? lol) It was so clear in my head that Adara remembered hearing or seeing something from one of her patient files that it seemed perfectly natural to me that she would suddenly become obsessive about the files...must remember...not all readers are in my head... Looking back, I agree that I didn't propel the plot forward all that much, but I achieved what I was going for, I think, and that was to leave it open for interpretation to the authors of the next chapter while bringing up a few of what I was thinking might end up as loose ends that didn't mean anything to the story if they weren't addressed (like Miguel Sanchez and Will Engram). Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read & comment! Much appreciated!


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1 nasquared 6 years, 1 month ago Context

Thanks, Chloe. I mentioned somewhere here that after Chapter 4 I knew how I would've ended the story, but then Chapter 5 killed off all my favorite suspects! After that I needed the recap with the cops and Adara trying to make sense of her assistant just to keep my own head straight. ;-) Glad you liked it (and that you stopped to say so!)
~n


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1 nasquared 6 years, 1 month ago Context

With enough imagination and some rope... ;-) Ew, that's gruesome. Pretend I didn't just say that.

I guess that's what I read the opening scene as, one guy doing the whole thing. But there have been a *few* twists in the path since then. :)


  hidden comment from nasquared with score of 1
3 nasquared 6 years, 1 month ago Context

I felt the same after the 5th chapter--I had such a good idea of where the story was going after chapter 4 and then BAM, all my favorite suspects were dead ;-) That's what I like about the collaborative aspect--it really makes you think on your toes and breaks you out of the predictable storylines. I've never been much for thrillers, mysteries, or even really for contemporary fiction in general (I'm mostly fantasy/sci-fi), so this was a stretch. It's always tough to write out of your element, and for this not being your thing, you sure brought in a good surprise, which is really integral to the 'whodunnit' genre.


  hidden comment from nasquared with score of 3
1 nasquared 6 years, 1 month ago Context

I read the first part of this the other day & I liked the twist with Methra being attacked. The cultish aspect threw me a little, because thus far the killings have all been solitary acts & pegged on the same serial killer, though if I remember right, there has been some fluctuation between male/female aspects to the bad guy(s). Public declaration of a serial killer isn't something that would happen if there was any evidence that it was multiple killers, but I might just be over-analyzing. I like that it didn't go in the expected direction.


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1 nasquared 6 years, 1 month ago Context

Thanks for the feedback. I had a tough time trying to match my writing to the style the rest of it has been written--I'm a much more character-driven writer than plot-driven, so I tend to be a bit wordy during character interactions that don't always necessarily move the plot forward. That being said, my interpretation of the characters would have put the dialogue with Franco completely within character for Adara, and after reading your entry, I'm curious what you find out of character, because she comes off as snippy toward him & he toward her (unless the note was planted, which is a strong possibility), in any case, I'm rambling. Thanks for taking the time to comment!


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3 nasquared 6 years, 1 month ago Context

I like the introduced dynamic of Jimmy as a sort of puppeteer, but after the midpoint of the story, it feels almost like an author cheat--that is, if one writer wrote this whole thing, leaving a big reveal like that til over halfway through makes me feel like the author gave us no opportunity to figure things out along the way & pulled the rug out on us by introducing another new character that hasn't been mentioned before. That being said, this not being a 1-author piece, you get a little more slack ;-) I like that you took the story in a completely unexpected direction & shook things up to keep it from going toward the obvious routes. Nothing worse than a predictable thriller! If this doesn't take it, I'll definitely be interested to see your take on the next chapter.


  hidden comment from nasquared with score of 3
1 nasquared 6 years, 1 month ago Context

I like the aura of suspicion you cast on Franco--that was something I toyed with a lot too. I like that you tried to tie the opening of this to the end of the previous winning chapter, but I agree with the other comment about her being able to affect her surroundings in a dream--of course, if it turns out she's actually being transported to another place physically, then it's a moot point, but so far she's stays in "reality" during these visions, so prying open the box of iPods threw me. I would've liked to see a little more action--we didn't really learn anything concrete in this chapter--we learned Paige May Be held by a woman, that Franco Maybe is a little creepy, and that Adara May Have committed some sin in the past that is now going to be pinned on Paige, but the only really concrete thing that happens is that the cops take off, so it felt a little anticlimatic. So short-version answer: I liked it, I just wanted more!


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1 nasquared 6 years, 1 month ago Context

Hey! Thanks a bunch. I was beating my brain trying to keep straight everything that had already happened in the story and trying to continue in a believable way (at one point, I had a plot line that said Miguel Sanchez had escaped and the mutilated corpse they found in his cell was actually someone else...yeah...believable...). Glad to hear at least a bit of the beating paid off!


  hidden comment from nasquared with score of 1
1 nasquared 6 years, 1 month ago Context

Thanks much! The concept of "collaborative fiction" is new to me, but I think it really makes you think on the fly to work with what somebody else gave you in the previous chapter & I really tried my best to go with the style & flow already established. Glad you liked it!


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