Dear The Drunk Heretic:

Can I call you TDH?  Drunkie?  Her?  I can’t imagine when your parents sat down to name you, that was their final decision.  (Unless, perchance, you’re named after their own characteristics, but such a supposition on my part would be cruel.  Let’s ground that thought before it grows wings.)

It’s easy to make money writing!  Ask anyone who’s penned a ransom note!  (Details like wrapping your torso in dynamite when entering a bank should not be ignored, as they bolster the ransom note with tangible, believable evidence and emotion.)  An even easier way to earn money by writing is forging checks.  One signature, a couple zeros before the decimal point – heck, you can make way more than $500 in a matter of seconds! 

At StoryMash, we encourage methods less likely to end you in jail.  Unfortunately, our system also makes it considerably harder to make $500, but we do have contests – in fact, your inaugural chapter is eligible for $100 in our newest contest (#5).  Though we will only award one prize per week with this competition, winning any single week should earn you enough money to purchase new, unfaded boxer shorts.  Instant motivation!

If you search our site, you’ll undoubtedly stumble across desperation meeting delusion.  We don’t have a chat room, because once those two start babbling back and forth, things get ugly.  Hope is here as well, and ideally fame and fortune will join our ranks eventually.  In the meantime, we hope you can uncover your own optimism and contribute regularly to the stories and mashes.  Be careful: it’s addicting.  Far more than link-hopping, blog-dogging, Tube-Youbing, or 63.2% of the things you can do on e-Bay. 

In conclusion, we see your dare and we raise you a challenge: join the community.  We don’t even have a subdivision fee.  (Then again, we do make you empty your own garbage.)

Good luck, enjoy, and raspberry jello!

-- A [completely unauthorized, definitely unsanctioned, and often unintelligible] representative of StoryMash