Discussion of "October Chill: Mary" by nashvillebecker

I liked it. Lots of good back story.

I give it a 4.

Speaking of stars, is it just me or do contest stories seem to tank on the star ratings?

Damn ninja critics!

Nash...as always you amaze. Well crafted...brilliant storytelling.
Five star.

Yep, classic Nash...expertly written, professionally set-up...Peter is a the perfect character to be telling the story and the end set up for any number of directions! No doubt, 5 star!

Excellent start... this could definitely slip into any genre and go any number of directions... just a very few spelling and grammatical errors, but I know how it is... once published, too late... can't wait to see where this one goes...

Great job Nash, I loved the back story and the possibilities are endless.

ok... I have laid this out to make sure that we are not constantly following the same author through this... it will go as follows... Eleven, if you want you can plug this into your graph...

Psycho1_77 (1)
dogdiety11 (2)
honeygloom (3)
Elevatormusic (4)
Shadowman (5)
Houlgrave (6)
Nashvillebecker (7)
Cheeseliker (8)

These are the author numbers... and the numbers of the start chapters...

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 (start)

7 8 1 2 3 4 5 6

3 4 5 6 7 8 1 2

5 6 7 8 1 2 3 4

6 5 4 3 2 1 8 7

2 1 8 7 6 5 4 3

4 3 2 1 8 7 6 5

8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 (end)

It took me awhile, but I have it laid out so that it is diverse in order and everyone has a start, an end, and a chapter in each story without constantly following the same person from beginning to end. This should satisfy the needs of everyone involved, I should think... One side note, if the start chapters are not all in place by this Thursday, you forfeit your slot to one of the alternates/subs so that we can stay on target for the 6 week timeframe... I figure 5 days for each chapter to be posted is ample time and since we are officially beginning tomorrow, Thursday is the first cut-off... second installment is due by the following Tuesday and so on... I need to be told if you are going to sub a chapter... That being said, happy writing...

Written rather well, this concept is great. However, I would have liked a little more exploration into Mary, Amos, and the other Amish.

Good call; ajk. It was getting long and I didn't want to overburden (or corral) whoever gets Chapter 2 of Mary.

ok... Nash fixed this so it works out better... it will go as follows... Eleven, if you want you can plug this into your graph...

Psycho1_77 (1)
dogdiety11 (2)
honeygloom (3)
Elevatormusic (4)
Shadowman (5)
Houlgrave (6)
Nashvillebecker (7)
Cheeseliker (8)

These are the author numbers... and the numbers of the start chapters...

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
2 4 6 8 1 3 5 7
3 6 1 4 7 2 8 5
4 8 1 6 2 7 5 3
5 1 3 7 2 8 4 6
6 2 8 5 3 7 1 4
7 5 3 1 8 6 4 2
8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Just catching up with everyone - Um, undeniably the makings of a truly great story unto its own.
Made me think about all the selfish things I've done, which could have put my family in danger - from flipp'n people off on the road or letting my wife go to the store at night even after I said I'd go. You made his annoyance come alive.

This could go in a lot of directions. Great job!

Great work there Nash - you generated a fantastic back story. Nice touch with the Amish element and also the heaping of self-blame! Held my interest and the twist at the end is just begging to be mashed.

Vote: 5

Well-written! Good use of details. (Humming "Old Macdonald", the joke about shooting the car, etc.) The Amish background gives the story an interesting dimension. The protagonist took this girl out of her home, away from her family, and (in their minds) got her killed. She was supposed to be "dead" to them anyway, but we all know personal feelings and religious ideals aren't necessarily the same. The fact that the brother came to the wedding shows there's someone out there who could be seriously upset about her death. This chapter adds a lot of potential to the story and is very well thought-out.

Very well written. The Amish setting is definitely a different way to go. You have such a knack of telling stories and keeping the reader's attention.

take it from me