I have hair growing from my ears, inside my nostrils, and on my rear end.  I have significant sproutage across my shoulders, and my treasure trail has gone too long without greenskeeping, so now it blends in with the rest of the belly forest.  I have hobbit feet and knuckle-fur.  Many women have confessed jealousy over my spectacularly long eyelashes.  My bushy eyebrows will undoubtedly require trimming as I age.  With proper lighting, I could be confused for Sasquatch.  And yet, I STILL can't grow a full beard.  Injustice!