The story so far:
Hair - Nein Tein by nashvillebecker
I have hair growing from my ears, inside my nostrils, and on my rear end. I have significant sproutage across my shoulders, and my treasure trail has gone too long without greenskeeping, so now it blends in with the rest of the belly forest. I have hobbit feet and knuckle-fur. Many women have confessed jealousy over my spectacularly long eyelashes. My bushy eyebrows will undoubtedly require trimming as I age. With proper lighting, I could be confused for Sasquatch. And yet, I STILL can't grow a full beard. Injustice!
'Hair - Nein Tein' statistics: (click to read)