Discussion of "Phoning It In" by nashvillebecker

intriguing start! I'll be interested to see where this goes.

Yes, I'm digging this.

Ah, brilliant, nash...absolutely brilliant. What a story? Man, I love this. Superb dialogue that really established the characters. Mystery and spookiness galore. I can't say enough...lol

Interesting. Kind of reminds me of Ambrose Bierce, where the dead talk to the living and visit from the grave. . .at least, that's the way I imagine the story going.

i totally dig. i can't wait to see where it's headed

I too am intrigued... I love a good story!

This was a great story. The dialogue was great and the story flowed at a nice pace. Can't wait to see where this goes!

Nash you're brilliant! 5 stars!

Sweet, Nash! Oriental Trading Co. rocks. I always find something I don't really need but have to order. Love the story - you get right into the character and the mystery.

If he only gets one phone call then how does he call back when Keith hangs up?
Anyway, thoroughly enjoyed the dialogue. As always you did a great job of bringing your characters to life. (and death) You also have a knack for capturing the little details as well, things like the toys on his desk. I liked how you weaved them in and out of the storyline. Not one of your most gripping chapters to date, but certainly technically sound and more than adequate for a creative mash.
In the interest of transparency,(to quote you), I voted a four.

Figured someone would ask me about the 'second' call. "A tone sounded, then Keith released the caller." If you dial zero, you get the operator/receptionist. When Keith said Goodbye, Lewis transferred. That's how the phones work where I am, anyway.

I considered going bolder (more gripping) but wanted to leave the tone more open for the contest. No regrets.

got'cha! thanks for the explanation.
Where I work, when we hang up on someone, we get the job done!

Good chapter. Very intriguing. Waiting to see where it leads..

intriguing concept...can't wait to read more.

I read it a while ago but haven't had time to comment till now....phew!!!
I like the stale monotany of the office place...leads one to believe this guy needs an adventure. And a call from the dead offers one up quite nicely! Don't worry about the 2nd call....it happens....(as I know all too well! lol) Good work!

You are freaking hilarious. For whatever reason, some of your sentences just tickle the hell out of me.

I'm loving Keith, and I'm loving the fact that such a serious conversation with a dead friend is occurring at a desk that's covered with rainbow Slinkies. Brilliant.

This story could go in many different directions, and I'm excited to see where it does go.

The only criticism I have is that it feels a little rushed. I feel like you had some great opportunities to give more description or background info (which, granted, could come later) and passed them up.

Overall, I'm looking forward to reading any and all mashes that occur with this story. Great writing!!

This was cool, real cool! I'm laughing and I'm interested. Real cool.

Tedium of workforce doldrums and afterlife… nice combination.

Pretty interesting plot, strong dialogue, makes me want to read more...However, I'd love to see some more of those talents in the in-between parts that are more prose-like. Overall, though, I like the voice and where you're going.