Discussion of "Harvest - Chapter 2" by nashvillebecker

My one nit pick is that I definitely think Maybel would have known better than to throw a corpse down a well. You don’t need a biology class to tell you that dirty water makes you sick. Uneducated doesn’t equal idiot. Nit picking aside, I do love the direction you took. You got us away from the well, rocketing the plot along. And we have a monster/ghost. Who knows what will happen, but it sounds like Maybel might get her wish!

Nashvillebecker~
Well alright! Finally someone develops a real story here. I don’t want this to sound like I didn’t like any of the other chapters posted, but this is really the first one I’ve found that used chapter one as a springboard for bigger and better things, rather than allowing it to confine them. Bravo.
Questions: Do motherly instincts ‘take over’ a junior high girl? Was a questionable line for me. Maybe they do, I don’t know. I personally have never been either of those.
And I also didn’t get how Momma was screaming when she wasn’t home? I’m betting you have a logical explanation for this that once I know will become more obvious. If you read this comment, please reply explaining why. Im curious.
I get the sense that the ‘monster’ might be Daddy, (?), which could potentially remove this storyline from the horror genre. (at least in a traditional sense)
Guess we will find out wont we!
I voted this chapter a four. I think it is the best I have read so far at developing a real storyline.

Nothing too brilliant. Momma was outside - she sees the "monster," whatever that becomes. Sure, it could be Daddy, but that wasn't my original thought. I chose to leave that part open to the next masher.

I only picked up the fact that the well was in their yard on a reread of the opener. Oops. Perhaps they have acres and acres of yard?

Honey's comment is dead on about biology class and wells full of dead dogs. Ah well. I skipped it for chemistry and didn't learn much there either.

Nashvillebecker, well written, retains the hillbilly vibe, but I found Maybel's personality not developing as much as I would have wished. Yes, the dirty well explanation so early in the chapter hurts its credibility. All us country folk learn about dirty water very early on. I also had a double-take to make sure the outhouse wasn't a 3 room shack with a screen door :)

You are quite right, 14 year old girls have maternal instincts, they start much earlier than that (dogdiety, why do you think little girls like dolls?- all the better if they cry, pee and need a diaper change?) :)

I think that the trek to the cabin might have been a little more intense, with some scary noises or at least paranoid thoughts, it is a bit matter-of-fact, and would add some lines to your chapter, which I feel could be a little longer in spite of how short the opener is. I have come to think of the first chapter as a prelude rather than an actual chapter, like it should be in italics at the top of the printed page and chapter two should actually be chapter one.

I like the cliff hanger, but am concerned that the monster is already at the main character's front door with 4 more chapters to go. Might need a bit more of a build. That said, I know talented writers can stretch that out. Maybe the monster runs off and we are left with the mom's description of it's utter horrid and fetid nature. Maybe momma is dead outside and the monster is gone.

I don't mean for my nitpicking to sound like I don't like it. I'm voting 4 as well. Please check out my ch. 3 contribution (Six Legged Beast) after "Fat Billy Ray", I would love to read your totally honest feedback, I have come to respect your talent and your opinion. What I love most about Fat Billy Ray is Maybel's personality development, though it is certainly not a traditional horror story. I might try a mash on what you have here, too! :)