All Comments by nashvillebecker
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nashvillebecker 9 minutes ago
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Is it safe to admit I'm not a big reader? |
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nashvillebecker 29 minutes ago
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The next love letter has been posted. |
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nashvillebecker 29 minutes ago
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Loved the start, djinn. Fantastic ground to work from: beautiful, unrequited admiration. |
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nashvillebecker 6 days, 23 hours ago
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You know I'm a sucker for this kind of thing. I imagine everyone else is doing the contest, else they'd have looked here? |
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nashvillebecker 1 week ago
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I’m having issues determining the lead. Arthur narrates, but his approach is simply as an observer. It’s not his own story he’s telling. At first he claims it will be Daniel’s tale (ergo, the title), but thus far, it’s been focused more on Ismael. Ismael is interesting in an Aristotle-meets-the-Fisher-King kind of way, but I’m not sure if or where logic’s cuff gives way to magic’s secrets. He’s otherworldly, a Charles Xavier to this new breed of surface, vigilante Morlocks. But his dialog is so distant, so disconnected to Arthur, it’s as if his mind doesn’t entirely participate in the space where his body resides. |
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nashvillebecker 1 week, 1 day ago
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I'm up for whomever taking the reins, so long as the stallion eventually rides gracefully into the sunset and trips over the horizon. Contact away! |
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nashvillebecker 1 week, 2 days ago
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I'd like to uphold my reputation for being the worst, thankyouverymuch. Chloe? Chloe? Bueller? |
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nashvillebecker 1 week, 3 days ago
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ShadowedPen - you back? Caught the fact you commented less than two weeks ago. Drop me a line: nashvillebecker at yahoo.com |
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nashvillebecker 1 week, 3 days ago
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Another chapter three, with no apologies to Rian, to Rainy Days and Mondays has been added. |
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nashvillebecker 1 week, 6 days ago
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Aw naw yo di-unt! Nice continuation; no apology necessary. Well done! I was curious how he ignored the intruder for so long, but alcoholism justifies many a hallucination. You captured his tone and attitude, and I believe it. Since it's no longer restricted to five chapters, the limited movement works. (I might've liked it pushed a bit further for the contest, but that's neither here nor there.) And I agree, the final Piffle works better with a question mark. Still, I enjoyed it - maybe I'll tagteam it next week if no one else jumps in. (4) |
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nashvillebecker 2 weeks ago
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Dos nuevo chapteros on los penguinos estas alli. |
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nashvillebecker 2 weeks ago
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It's difficult taking a kernel's temperature, what with the microwave popping thermometers and whatnot. |
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nashvillebecker 2 weeks ago
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A helpful mnemonic device: |
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nashvillebecker 2 weeks, 1 day ago
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Unless I'm mistaken, the final lineup for Red is now Me, OSim, Silver, Cheese, Chloe, Wolf, Foo and Beanpole. Is that correct? |
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nashvillebecker 2 weeks, 1 day ago
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Wow. Pardon me, but wow. |
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nashvillebecker 2 weeks, 2 days ago
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New chapter on Penguin is up. |
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nashvillebecker 2 weeks, 3 days ago
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I'll be the first to offer congratulations. Well done. |
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nashvillebecker 2 weeks, 4 days ago
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Perse - |
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nashvillebecker 2 weeks, 6 days ago
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There is an advantage to publishing early in a contest as well. Presents a better chance of being on the front page, getting viewed and voted, and staying near the top. 'Course, the story has to merit the high votes. I say this because contrary to those who claim later stories are punished, they're not. It's accurate to say they don't have the same advantage, but there's no "punishment." The advantage to publishing late is it only requires a few 5.0 votes (and none to the contrary) to skyrocket up the charts and sabotage a spot at the last second. Add four 5.0 votes to mine and my score barely flinches. Add four 5.0 votes to a brand new submission and congratulations, you've made the top ten. A [cheap] benefit of last-minute strategy, but again, no punishment to those of us who submitted early. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks ago
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BPW: a spot opened up in my Red project and I thought you could tackle it with aplomb, apeech and (if the need arose) awaturmellon. It's not on the immediate horizon, but I hope you'll fill the vacancy. What say you? |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks ago
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.1? It's always the Yugoslavian judge, complaining because I don't trim my eyebrows to their liking. Piffle. (Congrats again, Wolf.) |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 1 day ago
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Not taken wrong. Not offended. First numbered point was a joke. Evermore inclined to leave less and less feedback. I appreciate the time you took - I know what that entails. You have as much right to dish it as anyone on the site - nature of the beast. It's why I finally cracked and wrote my soapbox piece. May do you well to do the same so you can aim people at your logic without unintentionally offending others. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 1 day ago
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Perse: |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 1 day ago
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The moniker says Nashville. (And to any naysayers, I don't care what you say about the umps, the weather, the fans, or anything. A new - overdue - trophy resides in Philadelphia.) |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 2 days ago
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May I be the first to congratulate you on finding San Diego housing for less than $100/month. Heh. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 2 days ago
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While the scores only show one decimal place, they extend further. One 4.0 may be 4.0375 while another is 4.0125. If more than one story has the same number of votes (say 2) and the same score (3.9), dunno how they handle that kind of tie. I suspect it'd go random if it had to select multiple stories with the same vote. (If it's alphabetical, I'm changing all my titles to "Aaron's Adventures.") |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 2 days ago
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"Winning authors will be paid $100 USD within 8 weeks of the end of the contest." |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 2 days ago
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For starters, get rid of your prologue. It’s a cheat and it doesn’t benefit the story. If a reader wants to get an idea of what your story is about, let them read it. If you need to say that somewhere, use it for your preview. But as it stands, it gives away your plot before I begin reading your story. Remove it. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 4 days ago
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As a possible fix for the gender, ...grown accustomed to my early morning appearances. I saluted a finger to my forehead, offered, "Mornin' Pete." Something that clarifies who's speaking. I thought the janitor said it before the lead responded "Morning, Ms. B." It's not huge, but I stumbled too. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 4 days ago
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In the event this wasn't simply written as a contest entry (or if it doesn't win), I'd be interested reading further in future chapters. I like your style. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 4 days ago
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Solid job working the senses; wish I could go back and undo the images of Eddie and the unflushed toilet. Made me throw away a perfectly good Tootsie Roll I'd swiped from a Halloween candy basket. The last three paragraphs tell instead of show - use the first sentence of the last paragraph and scrap the rest for a stronger leave. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 4 days ago
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I'll provide some clapping. Fun start. Strange how the zombie's(?) eyes were sightless, but that leaves a nice avenue for backstory. Bobby must have quite a past, and I'm intrigued to find out why he left NY for Bumscrew, MO. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 4 days ago
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As many of the suggestions above span considerably wider than Contest #6, I recommend this discussion be moved to the Forum under the Contest section. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 4 days ago
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First, I wholeheartedly concur that life would be easier with an "opt in" for the contests. If not by creating a new area (like Wolfram suggested) your solution of adding (Contest) beside the title would work. This would limit the myriad of entries that weren't/aren't intentional. Posting a new story within a timeframe should not mark it as eligible; posting a contest entry should. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 4 days ago
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Expertly crafted piece here. Evokes emotion, provides real interaction, demonstrates a believable view inside her six-year-old mind. (I have a five-year-old at home, and I'm not sure he'd string together his thoughts so logically, but Amanda's age still feels feasible.) Reminded me of Cinderella, sans the stepsisters. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 4 days ago
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It said... "It's too early to leave the chapter!" |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 4 days ago
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UE: May I suggest you copy and paste this to go into the Forums? Well-conceived. I considered doing a chapter two and using the forums to set this up as "Future Contest Central," but I think you'd get more views/feedback in the other location. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 5 days ago
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Fact I have never voted on a comment. If yours goes into negative scores, it's not because of me. Fact: I have one login. Never used another. Fact: I didn't log on yesterday. If something happened to you, Dwayne, whatever that may be, I don't know what it is. Though I've read some of your other work, I haven't voted on anything you've written besides the one round of TSNK. |
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nashvillebecker 3 weeks, 6 days ago
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Another perspective: |
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nashvillebecker 4 weeks ago
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I realize this may be counterproductive, as it's just as easy to vote me down as anyone else, but I think there _should_ be an advantage to publishing early. Want more votes? Give your story more chances to be seen. That doesn't prevent sabotage because someone once had a miserable experience in Nashville (or got peeved at my comments), but within the confines of the contest, I'd say that's fair. There's nothing stopping you from creating multiple logins at others' computers and voting yourself 5s a dozen times. There are plenty of ways to cheat. The best we can do is uphold our own, self-perpetuated honor system. |
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nashvillebecker 4 weeks, 1 day ago
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I'm not falling for that again. It took me three and one-sevenths months to paint these freckles as an exact replica of the Constellation-Lation Constellation (in the echo quadrant) across the bridge of my nose. Nope. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Bean: You adding another, or have you relegated yourself to observer status? |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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There are reasons I won't do back-to-back chapters, many of which are I don't know how to follow myself. (I had no ideas how to use the objects.) It's also one of the reasons I started Le Blog D'Uselessness, where you get to assign three variables per chapter. Eventually I hope to return to that storyline too. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Pig Latin should really be much easier to rhyme than it is. But it isn't. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Liked the structure, the action, and the outcome. Solid leave. My only nit is "Crumb!" The way she shot the poop with Shooter in "From Shooter to Ducky," it's established Julie's vocabulary wouldn't merit a PG rating. I'm not a fan of using obscenities for their own sake - should you check, you'll notice I don't use 'em in several of my starting chapters. But when I'm writing a character someone else invents, I abide by their setup. While I liked the rest of the chapter (way to utilize the objects in Bill's bag), "Double crumb!" yanked me right out of the story. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Once again, the inner debate continues: do I ignore my hesitance to comment? Will this lead to more people soliciting critiques, or will there be a new addition to the Thin Skinned Back Patters? Hmm. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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I'm all for the original volunteers to finish out the chapter, but looking at profiles, I notice Jackofalltrades and JTW381 haven't logged on since September 12, and JeremyD hasn't since September 26. Chloe's going to be away for the next 10 days. I propose her keeping her spot in line, and using the time of her absence to have members of the aforementioned trio comment here to let us know they're still on StoryMash. If there's no response (10 days should be sufficient time), open it up to new volunteers. That fly with you, Honey? |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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A quality win, especially for someone who spells his name with an "M." Congrats. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Curiosity: how many of these "novels" have you written now, and are any of them worth going back and editing into something someone would want to read? |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Interesting angle, on two fronts: (3.5) |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Important note: All gnats are, in fact, the size of football players; it merely depends on what type of football you refer to. The American, tackling variety includes the species Butkus Gnaticus, whereas the rest of earth's futbol tends towards the phylum Gnattum Renaldom. Leaving the confines of our oxygen/nitrogen rich atmosphere, foutbail expands from the Pee Wee leagues of Glaudulum Seventeen (where kicking field goals over twenty parsecs earns an extra squiff) to the All-Galactic ShowGnats, who care more about the audience than the outcome of the game. This wouldn't be such a bad thing, excepting the fate of their home planet relied on them beating the fierce overdogs Phi Bambi JambaJuice. Unfortunately, PBJ beat the AGS and overtook their steroid mines. Ergo: bacne. Tragic, really. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Made the mistake of once farming my own Fragulan bearcats. Didn't feed them the proper pepperoni/styrofoam hybrid and relegated myself to selling them via dBay, eBay's inferior stepcousin. Completely regrettable, had I not utilized the experience to learn a valuable lesson: If you can talk others into committing the same errors you commit, laughing at their misfortune is sweeter than regular laughter. (Still doesn't smell half as sweet as the proper flatulence, though.) |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Two more Penguin chapters added, #4 by BPW, #6 by me. It may look like #5, but it's not. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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In Chase's defense, the mattress tag would've come off anyway somewhere mid-flight. I say viva la revolucion! |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Published an addition to beanpolewatson's "How to Speak Penguineese and Interstellar Poultry Ettiquitte." Fun story. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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I may have to hitchhike onto this storyline, BPW. You have a fan: me. You may also have an air conditioner, but if you're in the northern hemisphere, you may not need to use it again for the next few months. And I've never been mistaken for an air conditioner. Cold, yes. A blowhard, yes. A mechanical box with filters and window mounts? Not yet, but there's still time. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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Rock - |
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nashvillebecker 1 month ago
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To poorly quote a great routine: "Who's on Fourth?" Rock or Cheese? |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 1 week ago
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Nice bang to enter. I actually expected to see some spaceship creating the lights and aliens busting down the door, what, with Van Tassel's former abduction. You created and maintained suspense and I look forward to reading more. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 1 week ago
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CoC grew again. I'm to blame. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 1 week ago
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This seems as good a place to post as any... |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 1 week ago
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CoC is up for grabs until Monday, as I installed my last chapter for the week a moment ago. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 1 week ago
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What a commercial! This reads like a teaser - read the real story to find out what happened. It contains a bombardment of shallow information to hook someone, but there's no real payoff. Like a commercial. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 1 week ago
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I'm far from rich, earning just over $2/month here. Josh's assessment that the money doesn't matter should be taken to heart. (Lastly, I checked and you've made 7 comments in over two months. Quality can rise to the top, but it's easier when you get your name out there. Re-see #1.) |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 1 week ago
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I'm sure Gondy wouldn't mind; it's his parents fault for making his name so confusing. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 1 week ago
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Seems we're all having fun developing the characters and stalling to see who'll blink first and send her headlong into the action. As you previously indicated, Julie was getting passed around from weirdo to weirdo; this time, Shooter is better defined. (There's a heart underneath that Swastica?) |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 1 week ago
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I know when I've been outdone. Wish I read yours before investing my time in mine. Ah well, live and learn. I'll try to check out some of your other stuff, Agg. See if I can't bounce something back. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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Good call, Cheese. With the initial plot, Julie seemed a victim of circumstance, so passing her around to add to the confusion seemed reasonable. But yeah, I can see how it feels like stalling. Chapter after next (as I'm trying to avoid back-to-beckers), I'll make sure to do something about that. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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I missed the boat for this one, but is anything happening with Giant Rock? Usually big projects go a couple chapters before fizzling out. Everyone too busy submitting contest entries and chapter 10s? |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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CoC has two more chapters. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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Wow, six months into the site and this is the first story you deem mashworthy? I'm flattered. Nice touch. Brief, but consistent. You a one-hit wonder, or have you plans to make further contributions? |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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I tagged ConsOnCall again. And after three chapters in two days, I'll see you folks again next week. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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Yes and no. Now I'm more curious than ever to see how someone else would approach it. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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As mentioned in the forums, mine is merely one ending. Others are welcome to string it another direction. One of my sizeable concerns about the site has been lack of endings - more fun to carry on stories indefinitely at the expense of closure. Only recently have finales become more regular, what with dog's Searching, [most of] the October Chill series finally reaching the credits, and TSNK approaching the climax and resolution phase. With the setup left at the end of Torture, I saw two options: Ben and Kate escape and start a chase, or duke it out. Considered the chase several times, but in the victims' current state, it didn't ring true to me. I'd be interested reading another direction, if you want to fly that flag. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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...and, because they didn't post it here... |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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Thank you, dog, for stepping it up and pounding it hard. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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Why doesn't SM show these chapters on the tree? I check this thing regularly, hoping someone had the cojones to finish it out. Thus far, I'm not disappointed. It is, after all, time for Toby to.... |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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I published a final chapter to Cheese's "Running" storyline. I say "A" final chapter, since other people are welcome to continue it along a different line if they so desire. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 3 weeks ago
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Finally added a second chapter to wsells' "ADVANTAGE - Chapter One "Wronged." (the Cons On Call storyline.) |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 3 weeks ago
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Oliver -- |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 3 weeks ago
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Get my "writing caps on?" WHAT, LIKE THIS? WOW, THAT'D GET ANNOYING. SERIOUSLY. |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 3 weeks ago
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Cliche time! It's not easy when too many cooks in the kitchen are shooting fish in a barrel, but you left no stone unturned on the road less traveled. (1) Too many cooks - nice power struggle. As if it wasn't enough with Steve and Rhonda, now Red and Sherman want to write the recipe. (Great setup for Red's rewrites.) (3) Turning the stoner - "Naw, man, Dave's not home." Nice touch with the dual C&C sketch; provides an unusual dimension to Sherman. I wondered if/when he'd appear again. (Minor reveal: Sherman's original line was the inspiration for writing chatper 1 - the victim mentality.) |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 4 weeks ago
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I love these chapters, had no difficulty transferring from 1 to 2, and anxiously await more. Unique voice, believable quirks, disturbing situation told accurately and not overblown for effect, strong hangers... |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 4 weeks ago
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What a fantastic exchange - heartfelt, sincere. Such softness in the cruelty. Then again, was it an evil deed if the daughter wished she could take mummy's place? I, too, think it's a splendid, dark character-driven story that teases the horror genre. (I wrote Angels in the same vein, and earned the same type of comment from rocklee.) We'll see what the editors are looking for, I suppose. (4.5) |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 4 weeks ago
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WWB: Reasonable. Maybe the show had that many puns as well? If I tuned into Quantum Leap and was assaulted by that kind of barrage, I'd change the channel. In fairness, Silver, does the show have anything to do with phones (besides the guy's name)? |
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nashvillebecker 1 month, 4 weeks ago
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Silver -- |
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nashvillebecker 2 months ago
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Nice addy, Cheese. Enjoyed it. For an even sillier branch, I added a chapter 3 to The Awakener by mybeautifuldaydream and Polonius. |
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nashvillebecker 2 months ago
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Since there's still no way to notice new additions to stories without opening them individually and checking, I propose using this forum to announce when you've added chapters to existing storylines. (New stories have their own area; this is the closest I can think of to work with second chapters and beyond. |
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nashvillebecker 2 months ago
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Since there's still no way to notice new additions to stories without opening them individually and checking, I propose using this forum to announce when you've added chapters to existing storylines. (New stories have their own area; this is the closest I can think of to work with second chapters and beyond. |
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nashvillebecker 2 months ago
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The Toby mash started with Searching (by ahernandez), and had regular contributions from Honeygloom, Dogdeity11, a few from myself, CrystalFoo and Psycho. Almost reached a climax; still no resolution. Feel free to add on. |
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nashvillebecker 2 months ago
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The Toby mash started with Searching (by ahernandez), and had regular contributions from Honeygloom, Dogdeity11, a few from myself, CrystalFoo and Psycho. Almost reached a climax; still no resolution. Feel free to add on. |
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