As I indicated in my comments to Foo, if you find yourself running over SM's character count, cut your chapter in pieces and publish in its entirety. It's one thing to edit for style. It's another to edit to fit within an arbitrarily small window.

Charlie's gun, Cindy's partner, Miss Kitty and the Hawke, a dolphin show, untold treasures growing underground? The story lurches forward with plenty of ammo for Cheese to drive his locomotive off a high cliff. I like the additional angles you're taking, but the vignettes progressed very abruptly. Reminded me of Project Around the World, which died a hollow death. I'd've preferred a longer segment getting deeper into Cindy, character limit be damned.

For that matter, if any chapters run long, by all means, split 'em in two. I wasn't about to wrestle with length limits. (How many times in my life have I been accused of being too long?) I'm a bit bummed it was trimmed.

There are parts that are un-foo-like, where it seems as if you had to clip here and shave there, then even out the haircut. Maybe that was a side effect of the editing process, but you're usually crisper.

I also reread Red Brockton - that may be my favorite thing on this entire site. People carefully upped the stakes while keeping the story moving. The characters built consistently, achieving more dimension as it progressed. Besides Charlie's gun, I'm not sure how the green room moved forward; I might've liked Jimmy taking more initiative, thinking on his feet as he witnessed Cindy's sneaky sneaky. Actual conflict between Cindy and the owners - you set up a set-up, but let it fizzle with a bit of tell minus show.

I very much like the angle and potential a water park brings. An aquatic show? Yes. Another level of antagonists? Yes! Ambiguity as to what side Cindy's on/who she's with? Absolutely! An abundance of good stuff. I only wish there was more great.

Variable: Epilepsy

Wouldn't Vlad's pre-impalees smell the carnage? I like your concept, the simplicity, and the [cliff]hanger, but to make it work, he'd have to dispose of the bodies elsewhere. If the whole apartment reeked of death, I don't care how drunk he gets the girls; it's impossible to woo when your home smells like a slaughterhouse.

Prophecy, meanwhile, provides more substance with less edge. Great concept, nice work leaving the loony priest for further mashers, and a fantastic paragraph about how Autumn was properly named. Some of the other dialog could be clipped to make it sharper, more genuine. These are 18 year olds?

I'd also prefer a stronger hanger - while it leaves the story wide open, it ignores the significance of only-48-hours-from-Armageddon. Dissatisfied dreamer Autumn runs away with dreamy drifter Luke. Meh. He's not mysterious enough. Steer me away from Twilight. Give him depth. Secrets. And if you make him a vampire, please, please run boiling water over your computer to clean it.

Synapto, Beanpole - if you're checking this and you want in, I'll start another one. Gimme which chapters you want and a variable. Then wait and watch for three more to sign up.

Y'know what, I'll go one step further. First responder gets to choose the genre too. Remember, you'll be writing part of it. And stupidity transcends all genres.

Yeah, okay. Two to a vault. Two divided into five is two and a half. Round up. Then shut up. It's up to Foo to fix it anyway.

It is finished. Or, at the very least, it is officially started.

My list to work with: Elvis impersonator, silver spork, Winnebago, bleu cheese, and Venezuela. Got it.

The order: me, Foo, Cheese, Aggs, Honey, and Wolf. Wow. Quite a cast. Got my idea on and 34 hours to purge it. I'm very happy to be writing again. Now lessee if I can start a barefoot brigade.

-- Nash

So far, I have Winnebago, Elvis impersonator, and silver spork? This is practically writing itself.

You suck.

Thank you for running in boots, introducing what I'm guessing is the Council, and emphasizing the edge in pledge. Though the redness and darkness make it hard to find a sunset to ride into, I like where this could go. Moreover, I like where you drove it. Welcome back.

Six chapters, each penned by someone who's been here more than two years. I don't care who, but make your installment good and make it count. For that matter, make it quick - add your chapter in a day or three, so it doesn't stall. #6 wraps it up. I'm taking chapter 1, but I don't know what it's about yet.

If you qualify as an Ancient, sign up here and throw me a variable which I'll have to include. Five is sufficient. Perhaps too many, but I'll try to make it work.

If others want to offshoot different branches, help yourselves. This is my attempt to relive a bit of the good old days - I reread a few October Chills, Red Brockton, CoC, and the epic Dog and Honey traded forever (and several of us snuck in episodes). Mashing was fun. Maybe we've all grown out of it now, but I'm taking my shot at the glory days. You want in? Sign here.

When the team is assembled, I'll have 48 hours to light this fuse. She-bang!

-- Big Bad Nash