CoC is up for grabs until Monday, as I installed my last chapter for the week a moment ago.

What a commercial! This reads like a teaser - read the real story to find out what happened. It contains a bombardment of shallow information to hook someone, but there's no real payoff. Like a commercial.

I wish there was a scene of the BIMI's unveiling in the late 19th century. Or present day kids chucking stones at pigeons on the statues. Or Dr. Benji testing how deep the human psyche can dive. Or a character sketch on Hope Gerard, showing (not telling) her motivation. You listed the ingredients for a fulfilling meal, but you stopped there. Crack that first egg and get cooking.

Two quick nits: (1) February 29 never happened in 2001. (2) "to look death in the face" has no merit at this stage. That would be like me jumping in my morning shower and fighting the fight of my life. If you use the biggies now without justification, they'll have no power if/when you need 'em.

-- Nash

I'm far from rich, earning just over $2/month here. Josh's assessment that the money doesn't matter should be taken to heart.

I've found the best way to have people read my stories is threefold:

1. Interact. Make comments. The more effort you put into it (beyond "Nice job," which says nothing), the better chance of that author coming back and reading your entry. Some people take this to an extreme and bash or self-promote in comments for others' stories; please don't. Voting isn't nearly as important as quality feedback.

2. Hitchhike. Take a ride in someone else's car. In other words, continue stories by "established" authors. Some of the newer contributors here are very kind, and I expect they'd check out your entries if you added something worthwhile on theirs. The most fun I've had with SM is the collaborative aspect.

3. Write quality. Have a hook, bang out something clean and intriguing, create quirky and deep characters, twist your plot, achieve a voice, and leave readers wanting more. This should've been first, but I'm not editing my comments.

There are other methods of increasing readership, but they don't thrill me nearly as much:

4. Write controversy pieces. Title something: YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS and spend your story complaining.

5. Create a chapter on ways to improve the site. Those tend to get lots of comments. I expect, with the forum, it's not as feasible anymore, but it'd still work if you have innovative ideas.

6. Enter Contests. Automatic readership? Voila! If that's your goal, there you go. I'd say joining a project is a better idea, and if they're already filled up, create your own.

In my experience, this site isn't nearly as much about moneymaking as it is about exposure. (Now if you'll pardon me, I need to fix my zipper.)

(Lastly, I checked and you've made 7 comments in over two months. Quality can rise to the top, but it's easier when you get your name out there. Re-see #1.)

I'm sure Gondy wouldn't mind; it's his parents fault for making his name so confusing.

Brilliant move making the CoC a subsidiary of a larger conspiracy organization.

I love how the characters make less sense as the story makes more. Ducky, a bigwig? Exactly the level of illogic required to keep this unbelievable plot on track. Well done.

Does this put me back on the clock, or is someone else tapping in?

Seems we're all having fun developing the characters and stalling to see who'll blink first and send her headlong into the action. As you previously indicated, Julie was getting passed around from weirdo to weirdo; this time, Shooter is better defined. (There's a heart underneath that Swastica?)

I like the way CoC is [un-]organized. I look forward to seeing how all the characters will come into play once the wheel gets it's big spin. (Considering your title, I expected to meet Ducky.)

Well written; keeping it interesting. Let's kick it up a notch or twenty-two.

I know when I've been outdone. Wish I read yours before investing my time in mine. Ah well, live and learn.

When I came in, I saw four challenges I wasn't sure how to answer. I had ideas on tackling other issues, but these bugged me.

1. Why is Franco a Guardian? How can I prevent that from feeling hokey?
2. What happened to Methra as Sun Goddess? (Same follow up as Q1)
3. Is Silent's motivation really that Charlie said he couldn't mental-tap Adara? That's the best reason for him to be a two-year psionic serial killer?
4. Why the Ten Commandments motif at all? Have mind-games taken center stage to the point where the Thou Shalt Nots are an afterthought?

I tackled 1, bypassed 2, and flirted with 3 and 4, elevating Jimmy's god complex as something of an explanation/motivation. Why specifically Adara/Paige? Good question.

Style may outdo substance in some areas, Agg, but I can admit when I've been topped. I won't submit a version 2; I read the other chapters and I don't believe it's fair to incorporate (consciously or subconsciously) others' solutions into my work.

Thanks for the comments. There are areas I would've preferred seeing the story evolve differently, but (1) I'm welcome to create those paths myself, and (2) more importantly, I'm pleasantly impressed at the final result. There are good chapters to choose from for the finale; after minimal, last-minute entries for the last few rounds, that was a concern. (Not to say those weren't quality, but there were moments I feared no one wanted to submit a chapter.)

I'll try to check out some of your other stuff, Agg. See if I can't bounce something back.

-- Nash

Good call, Cheese. With the initial plot, Julie seemed a victim of circumstance, so passing her around to add to the confusion seemed reasonable. But yeah, I can see how it feels like stalling. Chapter after next (as I'm trying to avoid back-to-beckers), I'll make sure to do something about that.

I don't buy into the life-is-awful-so-suddenly-I'm-a-badass transformation so common in movies/stories. She may have the instinct change, but I see no reason for someone who hasn't shot before to master a gun under an afternoon's tutilege by Nazi Mama.

You up to tapping into the storyline? I'm trying to finish a finale for TSNK, then I'll follow Gay Prez. (Now I need to find out who that band is...)

-- Nash

I missed the boat for this one, but is anything happening with Giant Rock? Usually big projects go a couple chapters before fizzling out. Everyone too busy submitting contest entries and chapter 10s?

CoC has two more chapters.

Wow, six months into the site and this is the first story you deem mashworthy? I'm flattered. Nice touch. Brief, but consistent. You a one-hit wonder, or have you plans to make further contributions?
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