Discussion of "The Final Shot" by moonglow

This is a drabble (a 100-word story).

It is still funny. You taught her a valuable lesson. A job in sales sucks.

Thanks for commenting on my story! Anyone want to do a Chapter 2?

I do!

Great!

That's hysterical!!!

The character's behavior toward the poor little girl who was only trying raise money for her group is contradictory to him saying that he never hurt anyone. The way he described his action toward her was that of ignorance, callousness and disregard for her well-to-do intention. So I find it hard to believe that this was the first time this character had hurt anyone, slamming the door in her face like that. I find it hard to believe that a die-hard basketball fan would even bother to answer the door if he was so attentive to the overtime situation. Then again, alcohol could have been a factor in his demeanor. In any event, perhaps you could have said something like, “I’m sorry young lady I don’t eat sweets. They’re not good for your teeth you know. Thank you anyway.” The Girl Scout then may have curtsied and been on her way. And it still is up in the air whether or not he may have hurt her after he opened the door the second time. You leave it to our imaginations whether or not he did. Good work. Write on… Sy

Thanks for sharing your opinion!

Brilliant. Quick, funny, poignant.

Thanks!!!

Very straight to the point. I like your style of writing, and it is very quick. No explanation needed! Nice job, Moonglow.

P.S.: Kobe could have made the final shot, you know. LOL.

Laughs! Thanks...I am glad some of you like my writing. I surely enjoy reading everyone's fine stories here on StoryMash!!

Good pacing. Nice starting hook to catch the reader's attention. Though its totally inappropriate, I was laughing.

Thanks...I actually meant it to be a bit funny. It is based on my own childhood door-to-door selling experiences. I knocked on some man's door trying to sell him a magazine subscription-during a big football game! BIG mistake!!!

Poor girl...and she still rings the doorbell lol

Yes, before I sold those magazines, we were told to never take no for an answer. They didn't warn us about selling on Superbowl Sunday!!??? Amazing I lived to tell this story.

So funny, nice work!

Thanks!

Great little story that could stand alone or continue with a mash. Either way, it was well written. Great job!

Thanks!