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Discussion of "Aurora’s Luminance" by moon_flower_girl123


1 SilenceiztheonlyWord 3 years, 4 months ago Reply

wow this is pretty. i love the descrition. the picture was just peacefully painted into my head within the first few lines.


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

thank you, i am very much flattered:)


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1 Pearl_Ribbon 3 years, 4 months ago Reply

1 word- AMAZING

hey i just love your work! u are one admirable inspiration!!! xoxox
check out my work... http://storymash.com/u/Pearl_Ribbon/lusoneli/


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1 Pearl_Ribbon 3 years, 4 months ago Reply

1 word- AMAZING

hey i just love your work! u are one admirable inspiration!!! xoxox
check out my work... http://storymash.com/u/Pearl_Ribbon/lusoneli/


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1 Pearl_Ribbon 3 years, 4 months ago Reply

1 word- AMAZING

hey i just love your work! u are one admirable inspiration!!! xoxox
check out my work... http://storymash.com/u/Pearl_Ribbon/lusoneli/


  hidden comment from Pearl_Ribbon with score of 1
1 Pearl_Ribbon 3 years, 4 months ago Reply

1 word- AMAZING

hey i just love your work! u are one admirable inspiration!!! xoxox
check out my work... http://storymash.com/u/Pearl_Ribbon/lusoneli/


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 3 months ago Reply

thanks Pearl! im very happy to be your inspiration and ill definitely check out ur piece!:)


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 3 months ago Reply

btw, sorry for the late reply - i didnt have access to the internet in china:)


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1 baglunch 3 years, 3 months ago Reply

Good use of description!


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 3 months ago Reply

thanks baglunch! :DD


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1 MrLightening 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

Well. A piece of greek mythology. Not my cup of tea, and even less my cup of tea being imitated by a modern writer. A few problems.

Too much description in the first paragraph. Slows things down. Afterwards plot moves at the speed of light. No time to invest anything in the characters or care what's going on.

POV concerns - You tell this piece from perspective of first Aurora, then Lucifer, then Aphrodite, then Aurora, then Lucifer, the from you as a narrator. You should only have one consistent POV directing the entire piece.

Some sentences don't gel together so well, but other than that you seem to have a reasonably strong and confident voice as a writer.


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1 MrLightening 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

Two stars.


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

muchas gracias senor!!! <3 tehee


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1 creativewriter 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

I think this is good work. keep it up! I'll give this 4 stars =)


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

thanks creativewriter! your not so bad yourself :p


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

Mr. Lightening, i dont think there is a lot of POVs, it is only 3rd person and omniscent, thats it. But you are right, i do use a lot of descriptions, thats my stronghold and yes, this story does move quite fast, only because i wanted it to. im sorry you dont like greek mythology but i adore it, however i am touched that you wanted to delve more in interest of my characters.
lastly, i am not too confident as a writer, but i write to explore. thanks for your thoughts and im happy you voted! :D


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1 MrLightening 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

When you write in 3rd person you still need to have a character whose point of view you are sharing - and you cannot switch back and forth during a single chapter, let alone scene.


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

i dont understand, could you give me an idea of how i am switching views?? i dont see it..


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

ohh now i think i see where ur coming from..


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1 MrLightening 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

Pick whoever is your POV character, and then everything that happens in the story can only come from what they see / hear / know.


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

alright, ill try i seem to have difficulty doing that though thanks for your ideas! :)


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1 Acuariana 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

Very vibrant and descriptive, and it reminds me of a Greek god/goddess story. I love it!


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1 moon_flower_girl123 3 years, 1 month ago Reply

thanks acuariana!! :) i was studying mythology and i was so absorbed into it, i wanted to create my own :) that is why i came up with this idea lol


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1 Stormbird_57 3 years ago Reply

Wow! This is it, and this is great. Got my vote.


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1 moon_flower_girl123 2 years, 6 months ago Reply

haha thanks stormbird!


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