Discussion of "Aurora’s Luminance" by moon_flower_girl123

wow this is pretty. i love the descrition. the picture was just peacefully painted into my head within the first few lines.

thank you, i am very much flattered:)

1 word- AMAZING

hey i just love your work! u are one admirable inspiration!!! xoxox
check out my work... http://storymash.com/u/Pearl_Ribbon/lusoneli/

1 word- AMAZING

hey i just love your work! u are one admirable inspiration!!! xoxox
check out my work... http://storymash.com/u/Pearl_Ribbon/lusoneli/

1 word- AMAZING

hey i just love your work! u are one admirable inspiration!!! xoxox
check out my work... http://storymash.com/u/Pearl_Ribbon/lusoneli/

1 word- AMAZING

hey i just love your work! u are one admirable inspiration!!! xoxox
check out my work... http://storymash.com/u/Pearl_Ribbon/lusoneli/

thanks Pearl! im very happy to be your inspiration and ill definitely check out ur piece!:)

btw, sorry for the late reply - i didnt have access to the internet in china:)

Good use of description!

thanks baglunch! :DD

Well. A piece of greek mythology. Not my cup of tea, and even less my cup of tea being imitated by a modern writer. A few problems.

Too much description in the first paragraph. Slows things down. Afterwards plot moves at the speed of light. No time to invest anything in the characters or care what's going on.

POV concerns - You tell this piece from perspective of first Aurora, then Lucifer, then Aphrodite, then Aurora, then Lucifer, the from you as a narrator. You should only have one consistent POV directing the entire piece.

Some sentences don't gel together so well, but other than that you seem to have a reasonably strong and confident voice as a writer.

Two stars.

muchas gracias senor!!! <3 tehee

I think this is good work. keep it up! I'll give this 4 stars =)

thanks creativewriter! your not so bad yourself :p

Mr. Lightening, i dont think there is a lot of POVs, it is only 3rd person and omniscent, thats it. But you are right, i do use a lot of descriptions, thats my stronghold and yes, this story does move quite fast, only because i wanted it to. im sorry you dont like greek mythology but i adore it, however i am touched that you wanted to delve more in interest of my characters.
lastly, i am not too confident as a writer, but i write to explore. thanks for your thoughts and im happy you voted! :D

When you write in 3rd person you still need to have a character whose point of view you are sharing - and you cannot switch back and forth during a single chapter, let alone scene.

i dont understand, could you give me an idea of how i am switching views?? i dont see it..

ohh now i think i see where ur coming from..

Pick whoever is your POV character, and then everything that happens in the story can only come from what they see / hear / know.

alright, ill try i seem to have difficulty doing that though thanks for your ideas! :)

Very vibrant and descriptive, and it reminds me of a Greek god/goddess story. I love it!

thanks acuariana!! :) i was studying mythology and i was so absorbed into it, i wanted to create my own :) that is why i came up with this idea lol

Wow! This is it, and this is great. Got my vote.

haha thanks stormbird!