All Comments by mjm942

My bad about the time difference of the television. That was clearly a mistake. However, I was under the impression that the scenes with Barbara were more of a dream state than an actual occurrence. They seemed to be very hazy and unclear.

And also my mother goes to church every day, is as catholic as they come, and still won't hesitate to tell me that I'm an ****.

haha yes and I hate doing research because I'm lazy.

http://storymash.com/u/mjm942/getokowo/

Just published chapter three of Dead Resolutions. On to the next.

The chapter had me at first but I got to admit that you lost me a little with all the historical stuff in italics. I really felt like I had to trudge through most of it.

On the other had, You did propel the plot a great deal and I give you credit for giving the story some meat. The next person now has a lot to work with.

Awesome!!!

It gripped me and was really intense. Looking forward to working with it.

Yeah I thought it definitely kept up well with the first chapter and was entertaining to read.

But I was a little confused about the scene in the cafe. Were they after Heath?? It seems odd that people would bring such heavy artillery to rob a cafe, everyone knows that baristas are wimps and could be taken down with a simple switchblade or something of the sort.

But in all good job, like I said before it really keeps up with the tempo of the original.

Hey, I'm not really sure what story I'm supposed to be doing next.

The read was very smooth and I really thought the bit about having the shingle on his door was pretty funny. (Reminds me of my parents neighbor...)

The characters seemed to really pop out in 3-D in my mind. Nice going with that.

We'll just have to see where this all goes...

Finally done. Sorry for being tardy, but I wanted to make it good.

http://storymash.com/u/mjm942/telubefe/

Mine will be be chapter 3 of the story. Sorry for the confusion.

http://storymash.com/u/clockworkgirl/nimenesi/

I've selected "Android Ballet" Chapter 2 by clockworkgirl.

First of all, nicely done. I really enjoyed reading this and I think that there are a lot of really cool things you could do with this.

I've been digging through the archives for a couple days looking for a chapter to use for this Masher's Round that my buddy Alan put together.

Do you mind if I submit this chapter as mine choses to mash with??

Thanks and again, good job.

I'm in I'm IN!! My bad I ran into some 60+ hour work weeks and haven't had time to clean my ears.

I'll be done by Wednesday.

I am IN!

I can dig it. It grabbed my attention right off the bat. That's half the battle

Yeah there's definitely the danger lurking there in the woods. I can feel it building.

The grammar and flow are all there. I'm just waiting for something to jump out and grab me though...

Thanks a lot. I'm looking forward to getting pretty far out with it. Feel free to mash away

Yeah I have a lot of work to do with this. I'm trying to send him out on a vigilante mission to destroy this girls abusive cop husband...haha who knows, we'll see where it goes

Kinda reminds of the big Lebowski. It's nice, but I think you could cut a lot of the wordiness out and make it easier to read. I like the story and the character a lot, but I had a hard time staying on track.

*.com

Sounds like a deal. I just wrote something if you want to mash it. And I'll gladly reciprocate. If you ever want to get a quick hold of me, my email is 24hourlight@gmail.cim

I wish I could say that it didn't strike a chord. Very nice.

This is pretty nice, I haven't read what goes before it yet though. You ready to start doing the weekly chapter thing?

I meant "suit dummy" as a corporate-spaz type, not a scare crow, but I could see where you got confused-- both have the same amount of personality and intelligence...

The ten foot cyclops suit dummy is a very nice twist.

I hear you. Maybe you can just leave it as a mystery. Solve it later on in the story.

The twin bed post thing was a fluke. My bad about that. Umm, as far as dues are concerned, I will need one ounce of high grade marijuana a month (preferably home grown) dropped at my doorstep. If you can't provide don't worry, you can still be in.

Hey I'm trying to start writing a chapter a week, but I need to get some feedback. If anyone is up to start going chapter for chapter with me and provide each other feedback let me know.

I think you're on to some pretty cool stuff here. I deal with Amish people all the time and I'm always wondering what goes on on their farms. Here's my issues:

1) The way that the Amish found out about the land deal seems shaky. They "saw the speculators". I just thought it was was because there is no uniform for investors.

2) The dialogue was pretty heavy, but it didn't take me out of the read. It's really smooth and interesting.

3) I find it weird that they are drinking beer around dead bodies, but then again, people are teleporting so maybe I'm wrong.

Either way I liked it a lot and look forward to more.

Not bad not bad.

I added another chapter. I'd like to go back and forth if you want. I'll write the good guy, you write the bad guy. And I understand if you're writing just for fun, but proofreading definitely helps. I'm pretty shitty at it myself.

So this welder is gonna destroy the world?

wicked

is this an essay or a story?

yeah you gotta be able to take criticism, it's a nice idea, but nice ideas aren't enough they're just trying to help you

makes no sense

So you're mad you're gonna die?

It started out kinda standard, but then branched out into something pretty cool, Either way I liked it. Nice

The dialogue is awkward. Try saying your dialogue aloud to yourself as you write it. If it isn't something you or someone you know would say--don't write it.

But I did like the story and would be interested to see how Nature and Phenomenon tie into it.

I think it's a really cool idea. It wouldn't hurt for you to go back and proofread your work---this is coming from a Yankee too. But overall I liked it and would want to see what happens next..

I started a story a while ago about a a guy who gets a disease that can be passed through touch, but also cured through touch( if you have it and you touch someone they get it and you are fine)

People seemed to enjoy it, but it was never continued. Either way I wrote a second chapter and anyone is welcome to expand on the story.

thanks

Matt

Oh but don't get me wrong...even if you have to pump out something that you think is somewhat corny, or cheesy...so what...It's better than sitting in a cubicle or shoveling rocks out in the sun

May you all be blessed with Peace, Love, and Random sexual encounters

Here's my take. You should always be writing because you enjoy it. As your learning how to write push your creative boundaries every time. Don't let the thought of selling and making it big hinder your creativity. It's easier to go back and water down some far out idea, than to do the opposite. Keep writing..

Really flowed good, but for some reason I didn't get the all caps in the last line. but I liked it a lot tho

Smooth read, and nice use of devices

It's nice, keep it up

I used to only write when I got that special feeling, but lately I've been forcing myself to sit down in front of a blank screen and write. Even if it's just random thoughts on my day's events. Sometimes I get ideas out of it..

Yuck yuck yuck but very clever take on something that I'm glad to no nothing about...Nice imvagination!!

I want to know what happens...Are they going to kiss?!?!?!?

sounds good ladies, I'm going to check them all out...don't be afraid to check out chapter two of "A Beautiful, Sucky Life" It's a dark comedy I'm working on...Keep writing

haha there are none its too shitty of a place

Haha that dude is wacky. I thought it actually flowed really good considering the speech is all chopped and caveman like

YO YO YO I'm up to a $1.14! I'm going to the strip club and buying a one second lap dance.

hahaha yes it does

My bad man, haha I got selfish. Please feel free to take it and we'll mash from here on out

And Have you tried walking into a hospital lately and asking for the dying people?

Well Nashville backer, what if you had a limited amount of time? Dnd no the three hundred would be just so he could buy a bunch of drugs and have a good last night. It's not a value of life. It's not nice by any means, but it's also really easy to think that you'd do the right thing.

Anyway, I used it to start a chapter and I'm almost done it. Don't be afraid to tell me what you think

I honestly don't know. It's a tough question. Sounds bad but I'd probably give it to a bum and give him $300 so he could have a great last night.

What if You caught a disease that in order to live you had to pass it on to someone else? Just through touch alone, would you do it or would you die?

Bears **** on my chest. I'm working on a little fantasy sci-fi story now called Heldonia. Don't be afraid to check it out and play around with it. Ive done two chapters so far. Have fun.

I thought it was pretty good. it got a little unclear at the end tho with the actors I wasn't sure what that was all about. But it was definitely well written Nice vocab too Tenebrous is my word of the day

Impressive, you really got into the character and made it believable.

Yeah us white people and our stories...I hate stuff that makes me laugh...

Really dude?

haha thanks man. I wish I could say that it wasn't art imitating life...

I think it's an interesting premise and I wouldn't mind reading another chapter. Nice work.

That was sweet. What you wrote really coincides with what I had in store for the next part. After I get done with a comedy chapter for something else I'm doing I'm gonna unveil a little more. But that was really well done, and it was exciting to read.

haha I liked that little punch at the end too, it ended the chapter really well.

Nice dialogue, it was easy to read and sounded really genuine.

That was nice to read. You painted a clear picture in a very interesting way. The alien invader metaphor for the snow was really cool as well as a few others. It was easy to follow and moved along at a great steady pace.

I would just watch out for being too wordy. It really was only a very few sentences, so no worries, but other than that I really enjoyed it.

Much thanks kind sir. I truly appreciate the criticisms it's always good to have another set of eyes on my work. I've recently just begun to get serious about writing and I'm really trying to work on my style and flow. I'll be sure to check some of your stuff out

I liked it. It has good rhythm and it really portrayed strong emotions. I like the line about silent screams. Good stuff.

It flows nicely, but I would double check some of the dialogue it's a little wordy. Other than that I thought it was well written and interesting.

I agree. I've been looking for people share poetry with. I tried on the writers section of craigslist, but they weren't too happy about it.

My last chapter, Heldonia, has been the first one that I have seriously tried to think about and revise. If anyone would be so kind as to read it and give me their opinion, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks, and I will definitely return the favor.

Nice stuff, you can paint a really good picture in my head.

It has a really nice flow to it. The descriptions give the scene and the character life. Good chapter.

Na I know where I want to go with it, but I just wanted to leave it really open ended to see what someone else would do with it. My idea is this: A man (Gregory McStone)is fighting a battle against enemies that no one can see because he is an avid sleep walker, who has his dreaming and sleeping states mixed up. His wife was actually killed along with, his only friend, Gussalen's husband, a long time ago when the village was raided.
Because he confuses his dreaming and awake states he becomes a citizen of the world that people see when they dream. And he is the only man who can stop the two worlds from colliding.

I think that it sounds like a cool setup. And as far as a secret world is concerned, the sky is the limit. It's up to you to make that interesting.

I constantly get ideas for stories. But, the hardest part is sitting down, in front of that idea, and hashing it out. It could work beautifully, or it may morph into something completely different than you had expected, or maybe it leads you nowhere. But you never know for sure until you suit up and battle your ideas.

Yeah and breaking it up wouldn't hurt.

I liked it. It was easy to read and a little suspenseful too. Are you going to follow up the chapter?

Hey, nice of you to join. I am also getting my feet wet and I'll gladly check out whatever you write as long as you could check some of my stuff out.

please provide feedback

Thanks