Nice transition. A hint of Silence of the Lambs, with a sprinkle of Dawn of the Dead (the mob of followers). Mix it with "Detective Largent". He can handle this. He's seen the dead before. But can you folks just stand back, he gets sick?, but this new kid is sick. Can you get a.a..a.. barf bag, he's throwing up again. Between the discription of the head in the bag and his wife's breakfast just put me there and a little blue in the face myself. LoL Nice work!

Great story. The sequence of events were very nicely placed. Destiny is a crazy thing sometimes, dont you think? Once again, great story.

I am new to Story Mash. Not so new at writing. But I am trying. My name is Mikel Nation. I am the owner of www.mikelnationstudios.com. That is where I/we go to unleash our creativity. With writers, musicians, artists,& actors as our members. So much going on. My hat is off to the creator of StoryMash. Great Job! I love it! and will continue to come back.

Thank You,
Mikel Nation
www.mikelnationstudios.com

First, and foremost, I agree. This is my first time trying this. I do appreciate what you are saying and will use it next time. What we learn becomes us right. Once again, thank you. Happy reading!

I would have to admit that it was really good. Reminds me of a cross between Fight Club meets Pulp Fiction meets Natural Born Killers. Keep it up. Great concept.

You are indeed a great poet. Your wording is so eloquent. Sit back and be taken to to another place. Loved it.

I found it great. At first I was thinking to myself what a perverted little story. But then, I continued to read and it pulled me in. Very creative. I especially liked how you put your reader right there. Good descriptions. Keep up the good work.

I kind of agree with the first post. But, you have set the premise of the story. My question is there are some details that need to come to surface. I would like to continue on but I am not sure if you would be happy with where I might take it. I am also an artist and would like to possibly do some artwork for this project. They would be basic sketches but would get the idea across. I do like the idea of a comic book/graphic novel. That is the first thing I thought of as I was reading this and the second chapter. It is left wide open for more stories and the continuations could possibly be more vivid so as to bring the reader in. I really have some wild ideas here. I think you may be on to something here.

Excellent beginning to a story. It almost sounds biblical in a sense. I think others will have a hard time to continue the story due to you doing so well on the intro. I am finding myself struggling with writing the continuation of the sad tale. So many different directions you can go with this. Great job!