So I made a left turn - instead of going straight home, walking the line, doing what I knew I was supposed to do...... the good wife and mother routine today out of any other day in my life was just not where I wanted to be. What had come over me? What made me make such a decision? It was pure desire, that I could not hold back anymore. I had to be with him.
I have been in the same room, close to his skin, deep in his eyes before, but I was always afraid. Never of him, but afraid of me for even thinking such a thing. A thing I didn't deserve, a thing I should not have for another man.
My married status weighs heavily on my mind, though I know right now it doesn't even matter to me, that is how strong this feeling is. I am too far gone into this reality....No one ever said that being married keeps you from wanting other men.... I just wish it were true.
Maybe this is all wrong, what if I get there and he doesn't want me? Maybe I should just go home. But I don't want to, I am gonna do this, I need this. So I get out of the car and it is still raining I am freezing with cold feet. I want a safe warm place to go with no responsibility even if it is just for an hour, this is what I need... just one kiss is all I need, and to tell him what has been on my mind.
He unlocks the door. I am am burning with excitement, and fear. He looks at me with total surprise, you know that look of reading his mind. I said "Hi" with the widest smile and he smiled back just as wide. He knows I have obligations, and knows I shouldn't be there...and he lets me in.