Discussion of "Chapter Five: Coney Island King" by mellsy

So I added in the oldest son (didn't see him in the previous chapters) since three kids are mentioned in the origial story. And their ages are older than what is implied later on, so I wasn't too specific on their ages in this one. Whomever takes it from here can decide on if and/or how to tackle this minor issue..go back and read all the chapters and see if you can figure something out. Maybe I'm just anal about stuff like this. It doesn't make the quality of the work I've seen you guys put forth so far any better or worse, but it's something I had to handle when writing my chapter.

Hope someone will continue on from here :)

Hey Mel...thanks for the comment on my chapter. I haven't read yours set...(synically, I like to read comments, first...LOL).

I tried somewhat to address the kids with little specific information. I think I used the middle son's name in reference to the character's workers, in the off chance someone wanted to form a realtionship between them....maybe they are so close that decidedto name one of his kids after him?

I mentioned the skateboard ramp in reference to the 16 and 13 year old boys. I mentioned a bride's maid dress for the daughter, as I thought she was too old to be a flower girl...LOL

And I think Shrek is a great part of the story from the beginning, because that type of movie can bring all age groups together.

I think for the main focus of my chapter, I wanted to tie up some loose ends with the wife and the previous 2 chapters.

I was hoping someone else would pick up on the kids and the other family members in chapters to come. Looking forward to reading your addition.

Excuse me....(god!) I meant to say I gave the daughter a flower girl dress because i thought she was too young to be a brides maid. Sheesh! LOL

And if I had been paying attention, I would have named the coworker Jeff....not Jim...sometimes I'm such a spaz!

I like how the lightheartedness took away from the gloominess of my writing...LOL...I think we all needed to laugh a little after that. My only wish is that you had continued through more of the day....:)

This was a great break from all the tension in Tony's life. A moment to realx, though, he still was faced with his impending doom. Yet he seemed upbeat, postive, almost. Nice.

Wonderful chapter! You made is wife so strong and admirable and did a great job with the kids. And a great job illuminating what a wonderful life will be leaving. Supurb!!

Excellent, excellent chapter, mellsy! Turning the story to almost "normal", defining the previous events as dreams or dreamlike and the upbeat attitude for the remaining days was superb writing. Agree totally with HG' comments about developing the wife and children characters. FIVE points!

Wonderful addition. Great idea of giving them a relaxing moment. You done well mellsy. I am very impressed with the chapter and the mood. Could not have come at a better time. Thanks for participating...maybe we can work again in the future.

Hey Mellsy, can you email me at deityhoney11@live.com? I want to ask you about submitting a story for a project I'm working on.
Thanks! Honeygloom:)

Terrific addition Mellsy. Like the previous posters, I enjoyed the break from the craziness. Your chapter humanized the story again. Nice writing.