I sat alone in my room after school, and knew I had to go back out there. For whatever reason. I had to. I grabbed the list and looked to see what else was on it. Nothing like what I needed, but then again – you can never have enough firewood. I grabbed my things, yelled out to mom and headed out. Even though I was doing the exact same thing as yesterday, it was obvious that I was focused on looking around. Looking for her. The wagon was full and I hadn’t seen a thing. I sat down in the same place and just kept thinking of those green eyes. Who was she? I waited. When the sun started fading and I knew I was out of time. Getting up to head back, I gave it one more look. One more quick glance all the way around. Nothing. After my first step, there was a crack, a flash of green eyes and the shadow of someone small running away. Until I went to bed that night, all I could think about were those eyes. That girl. Even when I went to sleep, it was all I could dream about. The days passed and it became harder and harder to find excuses to go out to the forest. I told my parents about her. How she saw me in the forest. Mom looked concerned, and dad looked like he was about to have a heart attack – but he wasn’t mad at me, at least I don’t think. He’d never left that early before. Normally he waited till after dinner sometime, but that night he left right then. I wanted so badly to follow him. To see where he was going, but instead I finished dinner and sat in my room. At school I stood in the classroom doorways early, just to get a look at that girl again. Maybe even talk to her – but she didn’t show up. She didn’t show up for the next week. I decided to head out to the forest again. I hadn’t in a while, and I needed to talk to her – at least knew she’s still around. I don’t even know who she is and somehow I’m so worried about her. I sat in the exact spot I had been standing when I saw her the first time. I sat there for what felt like hours before I was ready to give up.

 “Please be here… You’ve been gone for a week and I need to know. I need to know who you are – where you’ve been…”

“I’ve been here everyday. Where have you been?”

Something rushed through my body. I threw myself on my feet and looked in every direction. The words kept playing through my head. Where have I been? After spinning in circles and not seeing anything I closed my eyes and just listened to the words. Where have I been? The girl I remember seeing in the hallways was small, and the voice that I just heard couldn’t have been from her – no, it wasn’t a girl’s voice at all.

“You’re not her…”

“Her? Who do you think I am…?”

I heard rustling behind me and a boy stepped out from the trees. He walked towards me with a fairly terrified look on his face. “It’s been you this whole time?” I asked. He answered with a question,

 “Who were you expecting?”

All I wanted to do was open my mouth and tell this mysterious boy about the mysterious girl I’ve been so worried about, but it took every part of me not to tell him. What if he was part of the reason she was gone? I just wanted to tell someone, ask someone for help and anyone one I knew would think I was crazy. “Uh – no one. I don’t know who I was expecting.” He walked towards me, and we both sat in the small clearing. We stayed silent, but not awkward. I bet he had a million questions for me, because I definitely had at least that many for him. Every time I opened my mouth nothing came out, and I think after a few times he understood so he just started talking. “My name’s Roger. I live not too far from here and one day, a while back, this is just where I happened to wander to…” He never looked up when he spoke, and mumbled slightly. It didn’t matter though. I was staring at him as he spoke and could tell what he was saying just based on how his mouth was moving. “…I know I’m small, but I’m not a little kid. I’m a man and I could take care of a whole family if I wanted to.” Roger’s hands started to shake. I think his aim was to scare me a little, but it seemed like he was scaring himself more. He picked up random twigs off the ground and broke them into smaller pieces. “I believe you Roger. And you’re not that small. I’m Neil, and I’m big but can barely take care of myself.” He laughed and I smiled. I kept a small smirk on my face and nodded at Roger. We both stood up and walked home in opposite direction. I was sure I would be back tomorrow, and almost as sure that he would be there waiting for me. I wasn’t looking for a new best friend in Roger. I didn’t need to know his history, his opinions. I just like knowing that we could sit together and think about everything and I liked how it felt so much better then doing that alone. I didn’t hear a word any of my teachers had said the next day. If I wasn’t thinking about this mystery girl then I was thinking about Roger. I wonder what he meant – that he could take care of a family. He was right about being small. It was probably just because he was younger then me by a few years at least. Each bell would ring and bring me out of trance, but I would just fall into another one the second I sat behind another desk. I got home, called out and got a response from mom and Jason. I went into the kitchen to grab a snack before my venture out to the forest again. I was excited and nervous, but I somehow knew that it would be okay. He never asked me about where I lived or anything about my family, and I didn’t either. I think it was more then obvious that we both wanted to, but neither of us ever would. I’d tell him everything about my day, saying people’s names that he would never ask me about. He just listened and knew that it was making me feel like my day wasn’t a waste. He would do the exact same and I would just listen. This pattern continued everyday for over a week. I think it worried my mother a bit. I would be gone after school and come back just in time for my father to leave. There was nothing wrong with what I was doing so I had no intention to stop. I went through a day following my normal routine, but when I walked in the door of my house after school, I called out and no one answered. Normally at least one person yelled back. After my bag dropped to the floor, I kept calling out and hearing no answer. I walked through the house and saw that the door to the basement was open. It was never open. My youngest brother would fall right down the stairs if it were. I slowly stuck my head in the door was and tried to listen for any sound. I heard a voice that I didn’t recognize and started to pace around the room. I wasn’t sure who it was but I was awfully nervous. There was a scream, and things crashed to the floor. I went to my dad’s desk in the den. I knew he hid a gun in there, even though I wasn’t supposed to know. My hand was shaking as I carried it back to the open door. I could hear the man downstairs swearing and throwing things around. It seemed like he was looking for something but there was really only junk in my basement. I started down the stairs and could see my mom tied up in a chair and there was something that was stopping her from talking. The man stood with his back to me and held a knife in my mom’s direction. “There has to be something! Something hidden away – money, jewellery, something!” I could see my mom crying, and something came over me. I ran down the last few stairs and pointed the gun at the back of the man’s head. I tried to have my dad’s voice. “Put the knife down.” He started laughing, and turned towards me. I tried so hard to stop my hand from shaking, even though I think we both knew that I wasn’t going to do anything. I took a step back, “Don’t move.” He stepped towards me, and in half a second his hands went up and he charged towards me. I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger. I lowered my hand, and watched as the man fell to the ground holding the hole in leg. He started bleeding onto the floor, then grabbed onto me and tried to pull me down. My pulse sped up and I wrapped my fingers hard around the handle of the gun, lifted my hand and slammed the end of it into the man’s head. Before he could even fall to the floor, my father rushed down the stairs and ran to my mother. He grabbed the knife of the floor and cut my mom free. I stood there with blood on me, a gun in my hand and I watched my dad hold onto my mom. It was the closest I had seen them in so long. They walked upstairs and a few minutes later I heard the sirens in the distance. I didn’t move the whole time, and it seemed liked I didn’t breathe the whole time either. The cops came down and took care of the unconscious man on the floor. Both of them were friends of my dad, so they just wrote it off as self-defence and we wouldn’t talk about it again. After it was over, I was still standing in the basement – only my dad had taken the gun away from me. He came back down to me after the police had gone. “Go change your clothes, I want to talk to you son.” I walked down from my room, and saw my father sitting patiently at the kitchen table. I took a shower longer then normal and I still didn’t feel clean. There was a chair pulled back from the table waiting for me. “Sit down, Neil.”