The story so far:
Before I continue the story of the most unwanted conversation of my life, allow me to divulge one fact to the facinated reader... aka you. The entire story, written by me, is in fact a 100% true story. I know, I know, its just a little creepy.
Anyways, before the conversation with my dad, mentioned before, I wasnt completely unaware of sex, or how to have it. I knew enough to keep me happy, and usually keep them happy as well. At the time, neither my Dad, nor my Mom, who also had (and still has) a drinking problem, knew of my sexual adventures, although they had met the girls, with whom I'd shared these adventures with, before.
It still makes me chuckle, knowing that a mere 3 days before my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" speech I'd like to think we all received, I had my first encounter with the pink taco. Her name was Chrystal, and after 9 months of dating, whe cheated on me with my best friend. After her was Lisa, who was a little whore who I happily humped for 2 months. Then Katie, the red-headed fireball who was my Mom's Boyfriend's Best Friend's Daughter. If I could go back and stay dating any of them, it'd be her. More fun than a room filled with bouncy balls, and just as confusing.
To say that I was experienced was off, but I at least knew the basics of what was going on. After that fated conversation, and the practice I've received since, I could probably coach a porn star, or at least I think I could. I rarely talk about that night, or the experiences I've had since then, but I figure it's a comical story, something one would expect to see in a tv show, like Arrested Development or Malcom in the Middle.
The moral of the story is..... Don't think that just because your Dad is teaching you something creepy and uncomfortable, that you shouldn't listen. You might learn something useful, that is, after throwing up.