Discussion of "Reliance" by ladyvike15

I really love this story; however, the grammar issues are holding it back. It grabbed me from the beginning. I love how you had the protagonist in such agony and fear, but that you didn't tell us why. It keeps you on the edge of your seat, wondering why she is so afraid. I loved the way you showed the relationship between the bf and gf. You did well with describing the emotions. So basically, the only criticism I have is with some of the grammar. Fix that, and I think you'll have a story worth of a 4.0 or higher.

Very true to life. Great read from the beginning to the end. A very unexpected twist with their ages.
Hope to read additional chapts soon, if you continue.

Will do guys, thank ya! I really had fun writing this chapter and I feel like I could really go somewhere with this.

My dear LadyV:
Besides the grammer, I really enjoyed this. I think you should work more on the show not tell aspect though. By the first paragraph, it had me thinking what the hell is going on here? I loved how you kept that tidbit for the end, although you didn't clear it up one hundred percent, which was a smart move. It leads the mind to think one way, but there is that inkling that it could be something totally unexpected. I think it's same to say this is one of your best works yet. I really hope you don't lose focus and continue this in the same fashion. You definded it within limits but left it open to ideas and interpretation. Wonderfully done.

Not bad, LadyV, especially for your age. I agree with Dkk about the show vs tell. No worries about that or the grammar. Most of these tools of the trade come with seasoning, I mean, they come with age and experience. One of your best yet. With each additional story you post, you show improvement. Keep up the good work.

Moi Gracias guys!