Discussion of "Young Love- Part One" by ladyvike15

Hey, feel free to criticize me on this one. i'd like to know how my little fifteen minute exercise blows over with everybody. if you want feel free to continue it!

Weeelllll, you asked...lol. It was short and relatively "cliché". OK...15 minute exercise. I didn't get any real emotional effect. He knelt beside her "face"...hmmm..she's sitting, he kneels; wouldn't he be beside her knees? I normally don't mention typos because everyone makes them, especially in a quick exercise but the word "empitimy" grabbed me. I like it!!! LOL. I sometimes do an exercise in which I invent words...I'll add this to my "off sides" dictionary. Overall, nothing that would cause me to read more...sorry. I should add that I'm not much for romance stories. Oh, I did like the line about waiting by the phone after a fight because he "...wasn't man enough to apologize." That certainly rings true!!

thanks! like i said, i like constructive and destructive criticism. you made me understand how much more i can be creative in my writing. thanks for the interest in my word empitimy though, i had a major typo there, i'm not sure how it's supposed to be spelled lol. thanks again.