Discussion of "'Till Death Do You Love Me Chapter Two" by ladyvike15

Great addition! You're carrying the story forward while still giving us glimpses into the past relationship. You have a good balance, and you gave me a solid feel of who these characters are.
Those annoying technicals:
The third sentence down, where she tells him to marry her after high school - the period after high school should be a comma.
In the first paragraph after the dialogue, it should read 'I would be thinking of Matt and MY relationship' (capitalization for emphasis).
Your description of his proposal is great. 'I knew what was happening before he said anything' - it made me remember when my husband proposed to me; the poor guy was so jittery through our entire date until he finally asked! Very well done.
I would advise a spell check, as there were a few spelling errors here and there. I have trouble with character counts when I write in Word, so what I usually do is write in Notepad, copy and paste into Word for the spell check, and then fix any errors in the notepad and copy from notepad to the website. That helps me clear up almost all typos and spelling errors. There are also a few comma issues (for instance, the last line of the story where she saved her writing and turned off the computer - there shouldn't be a comma in that sentence) that Word might be able to catch, though I have a lot less faith in Word's ability to accurately fix punctuation and grammar.
You used a colon in one spot, talking about her mother telling her to move on. Instead of a colon, I recommend: "My mom told me to put it somewhere else (no comma) and (no 'to') let him go, but I couldn't do it." Either that, or make 'I couldn't do it' into it's own separate sentence.
Her written reflections were great. It showed me the depth of her relationship to him, as well as giving a broader peek into the troubles she's suffering. Her friends must be pretty cold if they don't understand why she's still grieving only a week after her fiance died!
A note on ellipses (...) - the use of those should be generally limited to dialogue and thoughts, and should be used sparingly in thoughts. So when you used it toward the beginning, it shows that the speaker trailed off rather than making a firm statement, which is absolutely valid. Similarly, if she's thinking about something, her thoughts might trail off, in which case that punctuation works just fine. But they should not follow action, like when she sat at her computer to write. It's correct, and stronger, to just use a period there.
Like I said, it's a great continuation. The dialogue felt smoother and it was easy to read. I like your style, and I like what you're doing with this. Looking forward to seeing more!
- By the way - if there aren't many people seeming to notice your work, I have a few recommendations. First, make sure you're adding onto other stories as much as your working on your own. A good way to get noticed is by mashing, and if someone likes your mash, odds are good they'll want to see other things written by you. Also, this keeps your work in the spirit of this site and is generally considered good form. Second, put a post in the forum, either on the 'continued (not new) stories' thread to indicate that you've added to an already started story, or just make a general post saying, hey, I started something new, would someone take a look and let me know what they think? There are a lot of very generous, nice people on this site who would gladly take a look.
Third, invite friends and family members to give it a read. If you have a myspace or facebook page, put a link on there and ask people to let you know what they think. The risk is that you might not get the most helpful critiques that way (or even intelligent comments, depending on who clicks the link), but it's nice to have friends see what you're doing. If you aren't comfortable putting it on a social networking page (which I totally understand, since you have no control over who looks at your page), you might just send an email out to friends and family members with a link to the chapter.
Hope this helps! Keep up the good writing :-)

LOL - wow, that was a long comment. Sorry!!!

Aggeloi- Thanks ever so much for your comment! I like how you have been following this piece, it helps to have some intellegent critique. I have a built in spell check, but it doesn't work when i'm writing my stories which pisses me off!! I have been adding to other stories, but I am also working on a project right now too. So far it's really good. You should check into that and see what you think. Thanks again! ~ladyVike15

I am really enjoying your writing style.
I cant help but feel for her. How tragic the loss