Discussion of "Peaceful Boy" by keysersoze
Jinxedit 4 years, 1 month ago
Hey - you had some very beautiful phrases in this, I was particularly gripped by the comparison of tree canopies to lace. I also felt very much like I was in the rainy setting you described.
I was bored by the many paragraphs of exposition. I think it was a mistake to explicitly say in the last paragraph that Willie doesn't fit in - we already knew from the first part. To make this better, I would go through and remove about three quarters of the piece. There is some repetition and much of your message could be conveyed more concisely or shown through action.
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writerwannabe 4 years, 1 month ago
Hey, keys, been awhile...welcome back!
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