Consolidate. You don't need all the play by play. More story, please. Just tryin to be honest as I see it. You can do it.

Excellent...simply, excellent. Uplifted me, too.

Hey WWB...I like the set-up on this one. I think I have a feeling where this one is going but can't be totally sure. Good intro to this story and I'm totally into it...ready for more...soon...like pretty quick, maybe tomorrow? LOL

Hey, Jinx
you are a talented describer of people and setting - love the portraits of each persone at the cafe. Only problem I had...and I hesitate to tell you this but what the hell we're here to help each other...only problem was that I got bored. About half way through I kinda tuned out a bit. Maybe its just me, though. Four people sitting around a table sipping lattes and slinging quips at each other is not my thing. But...big but...you're a very good writer and I would love to read something that takes a chance, tackles a real sensitive issue and cloaks your voice in the story. Write about something ugly in life or soemthing that really pisses you off. I'll be the first guy to read it. All the best. Keys

Alk: well, I finished this piece and actually have him pushing her off the platform one day but it really doesn't matter. Take it any way you want. I'm interested in seeing where "you" can take it...go crazy! Thanks.

Thanks, Folks! We all probably know someone like this guy...we may even live with them :-)

Great read, "something". Charming, cute, and oddly disturbing. I started to get good at understanding what the little girl was saying pretty quickly...nice job on her vernacular. Cheers.

Hey,I really enjoyed this read...well written and I love the teaser ending. Love to see where this one is going. You have a nice cadence to your prose. Looking forward to more.

Nice teaser there at the end...looking forward to more of this one. Nice start!

Wow, that was rough...give it another go,Michael, and take the advice of the other writers that have commented before me. Nothing to add to their posts...good luck.