Discussion of "Yesterday" by keichibeautiful2
writerwannabe 5 years, 9 months ago
Oh, boy....lots of problems here!!! But...not to worry, they are all fixable with practice...;o). I like your narratives; a little..ummm, immature? Yes. But, it fits well(I think)with the character you're developing. Plot? Needs work. Not to worry, that'll come, too. Here's the thing, the main thing; you got a story down "on paper", you've got a good premise, you've made a good start on developing your main character and you do a pretty fair job of describing the scenes. You've still got a mountain to climb but it ain't the Materhorn!! LOL. Welcome to SM!!
hidden comment from writerwannabe with score of 2
srvixen 5 years, 9 months ago
I have to agree with writerwannabe. There are a lot of grammatical and puncutation errors, along with places that could use some work in paragraph breaks to define specific key points in the story. But the more you write, the more you will recognize these and be able to correct them without even thinking about it. I do think that you have a great start to a story with a lot of potential. I'm not the best writer out there, but I am willing to help give tips in any way that I can. Good luck.
hidden comment from srvixen with score of 1