My cat wakes me every morning at five am, meowing his head off, pacing the floor next to my slippers. Why? Because he wants to tell me who's boss. So I decided after many mornings of waking groggily, angrily to put a shock collar on him. When he woke me in the morning, I'd zap him a time or two really good. Show him who's boss.

The first morning after the shock collar is around his neck comes, and right on time (the clock read 5:01) came the incessant meowing, louder than usual. I reached, half asleep, for the nightstand and the buzzer. I pressed the button to shock him and heard a crackle. He didn't cry out in pain; he didn't stop meowing. I pressed it again – the same crackle. It seemed close, really close. One more time, I pressed the button. This time a bit of a hum. After lifting my head, I saw the collar lying on my pillow next to my head, just in front of my cat.

I looked up at him, and a smile spread across his mouth.