The war begins in Nhojia

Nhojia has always been peaceful. We may have had troubled years, but we are always peaceful.  We surrendered to Lacedaemon as soon as the invasion began.  We waved our white flag in despair whenever conflict came along. Now Nhojia is on the warpath. We have rebelled. It happened like this: It was a burning hot day in July and the clocks were all striking 19. The secret police and the regional manager in head of Nhojia were all sleeping. That day it had been the best of times and it had been the worst of times. It had been great when the regional manager had been upgraded to executive status but it had been the worst for the secret police had been working hard that day and had had a miserable failure. Nhoj had escaped yet another jail cell. They started him out in a wooden cell. He had used the wax off his floor to sculpt a key. Truth be told as a layered and complex individual, I for my own personal reasons unfathomable by you stole their reports on the day. It said” This is the saddest story I have ever wrote, for I lost my job because of it. It was a freezing cold evening in December as a screaming comes across the sky. Then I saw it. Nhoj, the man we had given our lowest threat status had escaped his prison cell. It made no sense. He had also stolen my car. That I did get. He and his brother John the head of Johnia had become the heads of civilization and great mechanics so he could hot wire my car. Also I left my keys in the ignition. He just yelled ‘Sic semper tyrannis’. He really hurt my superbia with that comment. All that was left of my team was a small pile of rubble. Thankfully Nhoj was caught by the army of Lacedaemon. He was upgraded to a metal cell. I lost my job and was held down with no chance of holding another job until my trial for crimes against the iron fist, the symbol of the two dictators we all love. Cullen, a lifelong friend told me it was only temporary and that after my trial in a while I would be third in command again. I should have been in second but even as the hero of a battle I was treated as if I had done nothing and Mr. Agamemnon had gotten the credit. I Menelaus feel that I, the unsung hero of the battle was treated unfairly.”   

Nhoj slipped out of his metal cell ingeniously. He asked for some salt and water. He separated the sodium from the chloride. He then used the Chloride to get an intoxicating smell and used the sodium and water to make an explosion. The guards instantly checked it out to find their prisoner wearing a homemade gasmask including a peach pit and everything. The guards dropped as Nhoj ran to the freedom of the outside. However Lacedaemon offered a level of immunity to anyone who would catch him. He was caught lickity-split, faster than a three toed sloth is slow actually. I was able to find out that it had been a group of men who caught. All except one was a man of Nhojia. The other one was Menelaus. Nhoj had been slipped some breakout tools. After that breakout and the one that came from the tools Mr. Nhoj was sent to a prison that allegedly could not be broken out of. He saw that while everyone was sleeping he could make a gun out of jail cell parts. He used the toilet parts, the security camera parts and some stuff from shop, lunch, art, a radio and gym. With his gun and his newly added magnetic repulser shields he broke out. The shields used magnetics to drive away all gun fire. He also took the keys and guns from prison rooms. He then set all the prisoners free (this was a prison for only anticommunist people who wanted democracy) He and the other prisoners were not caught this time. He took back his country, raiding communist supply stations and using his amazing acrobatics and gymnastic skills to singlehandedly break into places of great importance to an empire keeping the country of Nhojia in their control. I led battalions of people to storm the headquarters of the man in charge. We took back Nhojia! Now we can give freedom to other peoples.

The betrayal of Lacedaemon

I am outraged by what has happened! My trial date has finally come and though I was condemned innocent because I was given a level of immunity I still believe that I have been wronged. For this reason and financial ones I have decided to betray my country. After the trial I was offered a position as third in command but I turned it down. I asked for a job as head of Eastpoint (huge fort for Lacedaemon) and have decided to sell it. I will sell it for 20,000,000 Macedons (the currency of Lacedaemon) which is 31,312,000 Inishukshaks (the national currency of Nhojia), 23,004,922.5 Egberts (the currency of Troy) and 946,124,792 Monopoly moneys. I have already written a letter to Mr.  Xuandi telling him my plans and he wrote back. He was happy to finally know what his enemy knows. He says he did have a spy but that spy has been gone awhile without communication. I put the letter in boot. Three days later I sold Eastpoint and am third in command in Nhojia. Nhoj says that he believes that he can’t hold another country right now but he thinks Eastpoint can be its own separate country. I will third in head of the joint army.  Here is the conversation I put in with Nhoj; “Now let’s start with the current leader. Cullen is dead.” I said starting us up.

“Cullen is dead? That is big news, really big news. Who is in charge?” Nhoj asked.

“Jacob, he was having an affair with Bella until, she was stolen by Jared of Troy. The heads of the military are Nike and Ares. Also Daedalus invented a weather bomb that was set off by Baba.” I entered in.

“Oh, well it’s not that bad.”

“Well, um it kinda is that bad. The mesosphere has been taken out and well, what yesterday was a meteor that would burn up in the atmosphere will now bite the dust and become a meteorite. It is like threat level 4,000; it could potentially wipe out humanity. Daedalus thought it could help with like stopping floods and stuff. He put all these things on the one bomb thinking that after nuclear warfare; ya know cuase there would be global destruction and strange weather patterns like a ton of natural disasters. The effects are of global scale. Huge tectonic plates are being moved wily nilly, and no convection currents. Tides and currents are bringing in huge waves and stuff. The sun is unequally heating different areas of earth causeing huge global winds. How did you not know this Nhoj? This is troy we’re talking about. Aren’t you like allies or somtin?”

“This war is very bad on my people, they come first. I am in no place to make negotiations about helping the people of other countries while my people here at home need me. I also have not had a good time with this war ever since my dear brother John died.”

“John is dead? But how?”

“He died while using his machine. It put him inside books and movies. He was killed by Sauron and his army of orcs. Hacked up into little pieces Aragon said when calling me.”

“That is terrible. Now battle. Jacob is planning a major battle. Nhojia, Latin America, Eastpoint, Johnia and Troy will all be attacked Friday. “

“Latin America? That’s theirs.”

“It is split up hugely. The Zapatistas think that we are the equivalent of gods what with equaling everything out and stuff. The revolutionaries though believe that in a few weeks we have destroyed over one hundred years of progress. There is major conflict and already rebel leaders have emerged.”

“We? You left Lacedaemon.”

“Not quite. I sold Eastpoint and then asked for a job as third in command and I was given it. I know what you think; a house divided against itself cannot stand.”

“No, I think it’s great. I think as long as you keep your loyalties in check you can be an awesome spy. How did you get your job back?”

“I, for trading you in got a level of immunity. Nothing I do can take away my honorable place as third in head of Lacedaemon. Friday is fast approaching. We must be ready. I need you Nhoj to tell other leaders what I have disclosed with you tonight. Now beware someone you trust here is a spy. I must go to Johnia to fight the revolutionaries.”

“Anything else to tell me?”

“The resistance is coming here. They could not sail to Johnia so they decided to sail to Nhojia instead. A man in Lacedaemon named Youchao is selling Dushyanta the emperor of Lacedaemon for 30,000,000 Macedons. Megera has been captured by the Johnian rebels. Now Hercules is mad with fury. He will destroy the rebel cities hiding within Johnia. Troy has been given the golden North Face coat of Jason upon his death. He was just walking by his ship the Argo when bam, some stuff from the ship hit him. To replace his spot Paris has been brought out. No one has a champion. They all expected John to be their champion”

A new man walked into the room head down covered by a cloak and asked” Who says he won’t be?”

I looked at his face and instantly knew, we had found our champion.