4-6-09

Yo humans, this is the first blog entry from me, Baggie, the cat or as I am commonly referred to god. Anyways today is the start of spring break and I am watching my people at home. Because I hate Mondays and for your entertainment I have decreed each Monday interplanetary human funday. Today I also killed an evil squirrel that wanted to take over the world. My current human hosts were unimpressed with my gift except for my host John who seems overly interested in killing and wars who was incredibly impressed with what I did. I am amazed at some of the people and animals in this location. First there is John who loves social studies and reading. I often find him enjoying a good book with a beverage. Then there is Tim, a lot like John but adores me in ways john will not. The rest of the family, Erin, Mary, Emily,James, Carolyn, Erica and Josh are only a little different. Wait I just got news that an evil rat is stealing from a nice chipmunk. I have to go get him.  Bagira out.

4-7-09

                Hey, it’s me again. I got that call yesterday and had to go before I could name the animals of my family. There is Oclie the misunderstood dog, Bella the mysterious cat and grace the lazy cat. Some of you may be wondering why I have been killing evil rodents who look cute. Well, I have had an anonymous tip that one of these rats are all part of a cult to overthrow the government. I purposely put up the government among humans so that they could enforce my laws among Earth so that I did not have too. These evil rodents are ruining my plan to not interfere. I am afraid the time to run from responsibility for me is running out. Oh some of you have posted comments asking about the baggie, bagira thing. No worries about that anymore k mates, Baggie is a pet name. Also you can desist posting so many comments, it is really getting aggravating, next time just pray to me. Bagira out.

4-8-09  

Well, I am sorry rats. It turns out that I was wrong and I was just a pawn for evil cats who were warring rats and dogs. For this reason and this reason alone I am now on the rat’s side. Today as acts of war I scared Grace out of her wits and scared Oclie (the rats are still warring the dogs) out of his skin. I also, as an act of kindness to you Homo sapiens spent ten precious minutes of my time jumping up a tree and letting my creations observe me. I have recently been informed that we are in a recession. Well, since we are in a recession I command you to enjoy the small things in life. Perhaps if you look at it from a new perspective you really had too much before. Most of all enjoy family and relationships. When Adam was created he was told that his creation was good but also that it was not good that he would be alone. Bbl (that means “be back later”)

4-9-09

Hey, it is me. That war I talked about earlier has gotten much worse. Every country is at war and every different species and class are at war. To say the least, it will take either the endangerment of a species or a species going extinct to end this war. Also today I watched television to make sure the programs I had instructed be put on were good and kid and adult friendly. Speaking of entertainment, I had an amazing book idea today. What if monsters of different varieties combined? What if a vampire and a werewolf became a vamwolf? What if creatures like that were locked in eternal battle with the animals (humans included) and insects of the earth? What if they were also interlocked with aliens and cyborgs? What if the humans also had alien help? I think I caught a winner and it is a big won I hope I reel this one in before it is taken. In the vast internet, you never know. Also I have a riddle. I can walk with help. I can be tied up at sometimes even though I usually have the nights off. I keep humans safe from many things. What am I? (Look to next blog entry to find out) Bagira out.

4-13-09

                I am terribly sorry I could not post this entry earlier but my caretakers were away and I was unable to get on because I am the disadvantage of not being trusted with my family’s parents secret computer password, which they use to keep their older, more untrustworthy kids from seeing inappropriate things on the internet, such as pictures of women naked, or maybe hot, buff men with their shirts off. I did find other uses of my time. I used to be a cat on the streets, so I know pretty much everyone and their brother. During the period of my life where I was a drifter, traveling the globe and looking for somewhere to have someone who cares and will help me find a way through life, Someone to share my burden with, I met a lot of art lovers like myself and established a club that would cherish all the wonderful, memorable pieces of art humanity and, me, god have to offer. We read the some mystery books over the weekend, while our owners were away. I love the part in the newest of John’s collection of mystery books when both the impersonator and the impersonator’s target both get sent to jail. I also practiced my Russian accent. What do you think: I do not have any keeds nor do I see the point in it all but thes is just me. You like? I have kept you waiting long enough. May I have a drum roll please? Dun-da-da- dun- ta- da- dun –ta- da-dun- ta –dun. And the answer to the riddle is a shoe. Bagira out.

4-14-09

                My blog owner/manager dude says that this blog has achieved a very high rating and that if this entry is good I can get my url (website) on the first page on Google when you type in blog on Google search. In fact if I can get enough viewers, McDonalds and Barns and Noble will sponsor (and by that I mean pay) me in exchange for my advertising of them on my blog. Barns and Nobles is paying me in books, cause I Looooovvvvvve books. McDonaldes is paying me in hard cash cause I love and need to have money. This entry I will tell my life story. First I created myself in my own image. Then I placed myself in Rio and finished Collage with every degree possible as the best and most hansom in the thousands who ever went to any school. After schooling I took off for America and was drafted into the U.S. army to work as a spy in Nazi Germany. Hitler made me his personal cat and even lied to me saying I was an Arian. Then I traveled to communist Russia/ the Soviet Union to work as a spy. I was loved dearly by Joseph Stalin until he sent me back in time to kill the American founding fathers. He sent me Way too far back in time and I ended up in Cesar Augustus’s lap. I was his personal cat until he was killed and I was sent off with his lover, Cleopatra. I started the cat trend in Egypt. When Egypt fell I became a lab test subject and then became immortal. After having many holders including Mark Shelly I became Leif Ericson’s cat. After many more holders, some of them Indians, I became Gangues Chan’s cat. After many more holders, some of which Africans I became Marco Polo’s cat. After many more holders I became Prince Henry’s cat. He gave me to Columbus. After the voyage I was given to the Indians. I was at many famous American events including, the fall of the Incas, the colonization of the new world, the revolution, the war of 1812, the wild west, the civil war, world war I, the 1920s, the depression, the Korean war, the Vietnam war, the British invasion, the technology bubble of 1998 and the turn of the millennium. I was part of a biker gang for nine years which brings us to how I got to Dacula. My biker human died and I was going to go through Georgia when I was received by the family that lived in the town I had to stay the night in, so I stayed. Bagira out.

4-16-09

This is a special blog entry, it is all riddles. If 3+3=8, 0+0=8 and 1+1+1=4, what does 1+0=. I always come in pairs, I am worn to block out things, I may look like one thing in my container but under a microscope I am clearly many things. I come from a rock. What am I? I come in many different varieties. I teach people to do things. I can’t get wet but can talk about water. I can cost from 0$ to over 1,000,000$. I can say very little or a ton. What am I? I come from the east and travel to the west. I am old and in myths have six brothers. I may be thought sleep by many young children but in truth I just leave for the night. Who am I? What do these items have in common, an author’s first sentence in a book, hair and a small nation? Bagira out.

4-19-09

                I would like to apologize for not getting this in earlier but this past week was tough, for everyone. John had CRCT, Carolyn and Tim had taxes, Erica, James, John and Josh had to adjust to school life after a week of being home and Mary had to prep for finals. I had to comfort them all and when the weekend finally came I had to make sure they all had a good time. Now, everything is over and I hope everyone is ready for another full week of testing. On the upside, John was playing this thing called the stock market game where teams were paired together and got to buy stocks. He was in one hundred eighty fourth place but over one week one of his stocks rose tremendously and skyrocketed John’s team to eightieth place for the last rankings. There were well over 350 competitors, so in perspective 80^th place is amazing. I have been to some of the most amazing travel destinations. I have been to Yellowstone national park and it is amazing, especially if you live where it never snows. I have been to Glacier and it rocks especially if you live where you cannot see buffalo and Caribou and bears. I have been to Sequoyah and Kings Canyon; they are great and have massive pinecones. I have been to Yosemite and it is beautiful and good exercise. I am not saying material possession beautiful; I am saying, huge valleys and peaks beautiful. I have been to the USS Yorktown and Chickamauga, they are both great for history lovers as myself. The Grand Canyon also rocks. And now the moment you have all been waiting for, the answers are 9 because if you crush together a 3 and 3 you get eight, if you put a 0 on top of a zero you get 8, if you put a one through another one and put one one off that one going up you get 4 and if you put a zero an a one you get 9. The what am Is are salt, a book and the sun. The things have this in common; they will either grow or go. Bagira out.

4-20-09

                I have been unable to sleep. I am experiencing pain. My legs have been moving worse than they usually do. I have been trying to hitch a ride on the Golden’s minivan but I could not come. I fear I will have to diagnose myself and find a cure for myself. I have been feeling this way for a while now but did not feel that it was worth posting. Now I realize that my condition is more serious than I predicted. I may be eternal but this is worse than death, this is torture. To keep you from feeling left out I will find something I can involve you in. Ah I know a poll.  Who is awsomest, Me, Gregs Hefleys or Jacks Sparrows. Which is the best, Scrabbles, Monopolys, risks or blackjacks? I will get back to you with the answers.  Don’t mind the s after every game; they are there so I don’t get sued. Bagira out.

4-21-09

                My condition has worsened. I have not been able to get out of bed for more than 20 minutes at a time. My legs are feeling terrible. Most of you voted for Jack Sparrow and monopoly but my vote counts 1 billion times so me and Risk win. Gotta go back to bed.

4-22-09

                Happy Earth day! I used to be in a freak show as the 1,000 year old cat. I had an acrobat understudy and got paid tons of money, including a hundred thousand dollar bill which I sold to collectors for $1,000,000. While having an acrobat understudy I learned to walk on my hands. That is a very useful tool for someone with polio. Yes, I have a mutant form of polio. I figured out that I have until sundown on the 27^th before I cannot move my body. You see the polio is mutant so that it works faster, does more to you and cannot be cured with the regular cure. I can’t die but I sure don’t want to live an eternity without moving. Oh, I used some of that money to buy a nice laptop so I can do my business in bed and on the road. Ggfptcsop (Gotta go formulate plan to cure self of polio).

4-23-09

                I now know what I must do. I have been testing down in the secret lab and my polio has given up in some places so it could mutate. It will leave if washed with the special water from warm springs, it will be cured. Conveniently, John is going on a trip to Warm Springs, Georgia. Also I have another puzzler, what are these abbreviation type things in long form. LOL, BKS, MHK, BRB, FDR and Bo. Bagira out.

4-23-09

                I now know what I must do. I have been testing down in the secret lab and my polio has given up in some places so it could mutate. It will leave if washed with the special water from warm springs, it will be cured. Conveniently, John is going on a trip to Warm Springs, Georgia. Also I have another puzzler, what are these abbreviation type things in long form. LOL, BKS, MHK, BRB, FDR and Bo. Bagira out.

4-27-09                             

                I got a new phone and am at the warm springs. I am cured of polio!  The answers are laugh out loud, Barns and nobles, Mohawk, be right back, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and body odor or Bagira out. Bagira out.

4-29-09

                Sorry I have not written but I have been working on some business deals. I was picked by aliens in the draft and now I have 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 cereal endorsements each for one canijoe which on Earth is worth so much money that you can buy up every country or ocean 5 times. I am rich. By the way I am working on a list of 100 ways to get rich, here is what I have.

1.       Win the lottery

2.       Work

3.       Open small company ask for bailout

4.       Go to vet, law or med school get really good job

5.       Invent something

6.       Sue

7.       Be patient earn inheritance

8.       Make old invention better

9.       Write book

10.   Work hard become pro athlete

11.   Win TV game show

12.   Make new TV game show

13.   Host TV game show

14.   Steal

15.   Gamble

16.   Get into position of power except bribes

17.   Learn amazing skill tour U.S.

18.   Start gang

19.   Become mafia leader

20.   Become assassin

21.   Gat bank to loan you a ton of money leave the country

22.   Counterfeit

23.     Make great artwork and sell it

24.   Find antiques who someone famous used sell them

25.   Make things that look like antiques someone famous used sell them

This is how far I got. Bagira out.

4/30/09

                I could not get any farther on that list so I decided to try 100 ways to torture. Here is what I got.

1.       Put person in dark room, chained to the wall, with black widows with water coming into room and room spinning

2.       Give person plague cut off one of the person’s body parts each day for a period of time

3.       Starve person mine ground around person

4.       Chain person to wall, forcing them to watch the same movie over and over again tickle person make deep cuts with knives in person.

5.       Put person in a cell each night when they go to sleep carry them off to the water give them a sense of drowning or explode something to give sense of being bombed or shoot ground around person to give the sense that they are going to be shot it gives them terrible nightmares if they don’t go to sleep use sleeping gas

6.       Put tons of weight on the person during the day have animals chase them during the night so their muscles will ache

7.          Pelt them with mud day in night while they are in a cage watched by the whole town

8.       Burn parts of person’s skin are in a hanging coffin shaped metal box hanging over water with spikes