The love of Jared

I love her I love her so much. She is beautiful and she is lovely and we have a date tonight. Oh how I long for these moments to pass, for tonight to come. The seconds are millenniums, the minutes are Precambrian eras and the hours, the hours if they would ever pass would be like all time itself. My business here in Troy has been slow today. Crime rates have been lower, the enemy and I have been in an armistice for them to collect their dead and father is away leaving me in charge of the worst job ever.

“Beep! Beep! Beep Beep!!” an electric device used for keeping time, listening to the radio, setting alarms as well as many other ways sounded.

Yay my preset cell phone alarm has gone off. It’s time to go to the best restaurant ever. The walls and floor turn to whatever you want, so if you say you want to eat in a car, joyriding with a gun, shooting animals with your buds in the Amazon while it is on fire the holographic projector will make it happen. I did that once, it was awesome. Most people just want to be underwater or on a mountain but I, I push it to its limits. I once was on top of a volcano. I also am an inventor and for a week me and Daedalus have been competing to see who can invent a device that can put you inside movies and books, well this was a few weeks ago so John came to the composition with one that actually worked. Now for the first time I can use the device. It was made for the restaurant but John says he still has other ideas for it.

“Hey, sugar pie, you miss me?” My beautiful maiden asked looking extra beautiful and extra lovely.

“You bet. I can’t keep my mind off of you. Are you a which?”

“Why Jared why do you say such things?”

“Cause you casted a spell on me.”

“You’re so smooth. Here’s a kiss from me to you.”

The drive to the restaurant was great because my wife is great but the restaurant was not great because the machine had been stolen. We instead went to the block. It is an actual block where heroes fight. Tonight it was for a special spot on our hero team after Hercules left to find his girlfriend. The main competitor is a man by the name of Beowulf who fought a criminal by the name of Grendel, the dragon. No one else could defeat Grendel so Beowulf has become the primary new hero of Troy, not saying our old heroes aren’t great. He has not joined the team because there never was an opening. He was offered the job without doing any of the work on the block he was to do tonight but he said this would be more fun. However currently the man winning the match went by the name of Hector and was Nhoj’s son. After Nhoj lost Nhojia John took care of Hector and loved him much. Rumor is that John worked on some top secret project called HUGH CAPOT in which taught a man to fight well. John apparently took fighting styles from all over the world and taught young Hector from his birth saying that a day would come when the world would need a hero. A man who could no matter what the odds turn tides who will take John’s place as he will die are more exact to John’s words. Here is me and my goddess who I am lucky to have’s conversation.

“I don’t feel right having caused a war between Lacedaemon and Troy. Your love for me caused us both to be responsible for a great conflict between our nations.” My love said.

“My goddess of beauty, love and all around awesomeness you are worth it. You know most wars are over silly things like land, power or money but this is different, this is over something that matters. This is over a woman, this is over love. I actually feel that I am not worthy of you, No guy is.

“You always were good at making a girl like me feel right. Hey is that Mr. Ninja oh that guy must be hurt.”

Hector won the night and my super hot woman went to bed.

The steeling of an army

Now as a war director I have seen it all. I stole a small box that puts you into books and movies. I watched as Jared stole Bella.  I saw the oracle give correct prophecies. These things are all somewhat logical and explainable. An army being stolen is not logical. That’s right, my army is being stolen. It is not really a real army, it’s better. It is an army of steel statues of Edward Cullen that you can R.C.  Oh yeah, someone has walked by the statue, inserted a flash drive, hacked our signal, put up their own firewall and now controls my statues. They have stolen my steel army.  My binary has been burglarized. My Java has been jacked. My server swindled. Do you know how many hours of not working it took me to write 900,000 lines of code? I had to upgrade my server farm. I had to persuade Edward Cullen to give me a super computer. I had to go through garbage and old torn down things to get materials. I had to go to Japan to get advice. I had to spend my Friday nights working and my holidays and weekends with welders. Then Cullen said that my statues could not be of well known historical figures or me but of him, of him. He would barely fund my project but he acted like it was his.  He was a big jerk. Then he went into a coma. That’s right. Cullen is alive but in a coma which if the doctors are right will end Friday. It has been kept on the down low because Cullen while not in a coma said that if he was ever in a coma say he died and round up the secret police. When he gets out of this coma he is going to lead them into battle. Jacob and many people think that Cullen is dead but he lives.  He will come back as head of Lacedaemon and anyone who did not worship him is dead. Jared is dead. Jacob is dead. One thing worries me. Bella is now on the side of Troy. She knows our secrets and will probably tell Jared. Truth be told I don’t think she ever loved either of her 2 original husbands or me when I dated her or anyone besides Jared. She may have lived here but she always belongs in Johnia. She is result of a rape on John but John loved her just the same. He treated her like a princess but she was stolen away by Cullen. He sent her letters and called her and emailed her and sent holographic projections of himself into rooms. For obvious reasons he could not see her in person but he communicated with her every day. Then he died. I don’t think he did though because when Bella left the phone call she seemed overjoyed. Well, with my steel army stolen I guess I should go make a new one.