inuitennui |
Date Joined: March 1, 2008
Last Login: April 25, 2013 |
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52 Comments by inuitennui
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inuitennui 4 years, 1 month ago
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Thanks very much, glad you liked it. |
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inuitennui 4 years, 5 months ago
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Thanks very much. There's still room for continuation- feel free to jump in. |
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inuitennui 4 years, 8 months ago
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An impressive chapter. 4 stars. |
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inuitennui 4 years, 8 months ago
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Thanks very much. I quilted it from a 7000-word well of a project from '97 and '98. I was impressed with it back then, but not so much this year. |
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inuitennui 4 years, 8 months ago
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Many thanks to both of you! An_D, I felt exactly the same while preparing to write this, and even more so just before publishing. Please pursue that notion of continuation. |
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inuitennui 4 years, 8 months ago
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Great work. Your multiple springboards for continuation exemplify SM's aim. 4 stars and applause. |
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inuitennui 4 years, 8 months ago
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2.5 stars. The problems with spelling and punctuation persist, as does the timeframe issue. If several chapters will be devoted to the production of the android, then the first paragraph of Chapter 1 should have been longer- in fact, it should have been the end of the chapter. I can assure you, I've been guilty of it, too. Hmm... The clockworks. That's a great subplot that you've unfortunately wrapped up in one brief paragraph. I would've loved to read four to five chapters, just devoted to clockwork heists. You would've had another opportunity to introduce new characters: law enforcement officials, rich members of society, black market suppliers of... I don't know, robbery supplies? Stuff like that. Finally: realistically speaking, six weeks is far too soon for the development of a working endoskeleton. (I'm guessing that you meant endoskeleton.) Initial drawings could've been ready, maybe, but Simonson should've still been spending exhaustingly tedious nights awake in his laboratory, solving problems of robotic engineering. I'm assuming, of course, that you prefer for this story to proceed for more than only a few chapters. I could be way off base, and misunderstanding your intentions. Oh well. It is, after all, a workshop site and now you have my advice. I hope you continue with this. |
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inuitennui 4 years, 8 months ago
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Welcome, clockworkgirl. I cast a vote of 3 stars for this- to be clear, for the plot. I want to reiterate the fact that I really like the plot! I also enjoy the vague setting of time. Might be the future, or maybe not. Please continue; welcome again. |
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inuitennui 4 years, 8 months ago
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Greetings, SB. Welcome to SM! However, this chapter is a bit short. Also, its density of optimism makes me, as a reader, wonder when the other shoe will fall. Now, I'm not necessarily a fan of tragedy and heartache, but a little bit makes for better writing (and reading,) than none at all. To elaborate: If her career takes off here and only gets better throughout the entire story, then you've wrapped the entire thing up in one brief chapter. However, if this were approached a la Camus, making this episode the absolute high point in Betsey's life and career and then proceeding from bad to worse to oblivion (and perhaps even beyond that!), then your readers will keep tuning in, infested with a fear that her newest adventure will be her last, or else even worse than they might imagine for her. Call me dark, I guess. Welcome again! |
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inuitennui 4 years, 8 months ago
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Thanks! Great responses. I'm really pleased. Now spread the word! Trendsetting is not my forte. I just want to inform people. You, the SM pillars, can do that! Your methods of information circulation outreach my own. If asked, feel free to say, "InEnn showed me." Otherwise, no hard feelings will be harbored for seized credit. |
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9 Chapters by inuitennui
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4.2/5.0 - published Sep 02, 2008 - 7 comments
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4.2/5.0 - published Aug 26, 2008 - 7 comments - start of story
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3.1/5.0 - published Jul 19, 2008 - 1 comment - start of story
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3.9/5.0 - published Apr 16, 2008 - 1 comment - start of story
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4.2/5.0 - published Apr 11, 2008 - 4 comments - start of story
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3.5/5.0 - published Apr 09, 2008 - 9 comments - start of story
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4.3/5.0 - published Apr 02, 2008 - 3 comments
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4.3/5.0 - published Mar 28, 2008 - 6 comments
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4.0/5.0 - published Mar 28, 2008 - 7 comments
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