Discussion of "Um..a journal of a 10 year old...I guess." by insert_username_here

Not sure if the site formatted it all to be one paragraph or if that was intentional on your part.

Suggestions: Multiple paragraphs - especially when it comes to dialog. It's a generally accepted rule that when a new person starts talking, they get a new paragraph. Otherwise, it starts to get confusing.

Run a spell check and proof read what's written. Take a little time with what's being written. Even if this is coming from the perspective of a ten year old, there are other ways to indicate youth rather than just passing on the proof reading.

You started a couple of plot lines, but so quickly, that it's hard to really judge where it's going. There's a few necessary bits of information, like the fancy phone - but then she's fighting with her sister and the weirdness from school is forgotten. For me, I would have been freaked out about the note for more than the amount of time that it took to walk out the door...

But then again, maybe this sort of stuff happens to Daney all the time...

Yeah, I know...the original idea (made up by my insane language arts teacher) was for the entire class to write a story about a 12-year-old boy who somehow became an F.B.I agent, and works alongside some kind of half-breed firefly pixies called 'dinis' (a name that I am not proud to say was coined by my best friend) and the main character was named Archie Hoo...I think it's beyond human ability to not make it cheesy :) not to mention it was sometime around 1 a.m. when I started writing it...:)