Showered, dressed and two phone calls in to the ones she had to return, Maggie leaned against the kitchen counter, buttering toast she knew she wouldn't finish. She'd put off calling her cousin, Charles. What could she say to him to get him to stop worrying? 

They'd grown up more like brother and sister than cousins. Their fathers were brothers who had never been close as children, but who had developed a strong bond as adults, after the death of their younger sister.

The families had lived within walking distance of each other since before Maggie had been born. She and Charles had gone to the same schools, worked at the same fast food place during high school. When Maggie had been briefly tormented by a tough pug of a bully in third grade, it was Charles who had come fiercely to her rescue, sporting a fractured nose like a prize for six weeks. It was Charles she'd gone to with all her broken hearts, Charles who'd talked with her on the phone long into a Friday night about her latest crush. It was Charles, she knew, she could always turn to.

Maggie knew that now, in her darkest time, Charles was only doing what he'd always done -- trying to come to her rescue. How could she push him away? How could she make him understand that he couldn't recuse her this time? That she didn't want to be rescued?

She sighed and picked up the phone. He answered on the second ring.

"Hi," she said.

"Mag. I'm glad you called. Listen I'd really love to....."

"Charles, wait." She swallowed hard. "I know you're trying to help. I know that. But -- the childbirth classes-- I can't, Charles. I just can't." Despite herself, she started to cry, knowing that would only make him try all the harder to help. The tears came out in rushing gasps as she leaned her head in her hands against the counter.

"Mag."

"I'm sorry.."

"No...Mag. Don't be sorry. I'm the one who should be sorry. I just thought..."

"I know. But I just can't, Charles. I just can't. It wouldn't feel right. I don't think I could stand it. I don't think I want the classes anymore. Look. Can we talk later?"

"Sure, I could come over tonight after work if you want. Maybe get some dinner?"

"Okay. Okay. Yeah. That'd be good."

She hung up the phone and wiped her face on her sleeve. With a heaving sigh she stemmed the tears and went upstairs to wash her face and re-apply her makeup. She had re-scheduled her OB appointment for this afternoon.

Later on the train into town, she sat with her face pressed up against the window watching all the houses as they passed by. Little secret, fleeting glimpses into other people's moments. There was never enough to be seen as the train went by to gain anything real. Just enough to wonder with. 

A half hour later she sat in Dr. Osborne's waiting room, staring at the floor, not even pretending to read the copy of Baby Magazine that lay unopened on her lap. This was the first time she'd been here since the accident. She knew that the doctor and everyone in the office was aware of it. She felt their glances and frowns like a palpable heat on her face.

When the nurse called her in, Maggie noticed at once the absence of the usual smile and cheery greeting, and once inside the office door, she was momentarily startled by the hug.

"I'm so sorry."

Maggie smiled slightly and gave a quick nod of her head.  What did one say?

She wasn't in the exam room for 30 seconds before the doctor came in. For a minute she thought he was going to hug her, too, but he only put a firm hand on her shoulder and kept it there as he spoke very quietly.

"Maggie, we're all so sorry for you loss," he said. "I know it must be very hard. I want you to know that we are here to help you in whatever way you need it. There is always someone here to talk to, you know. Twenty four hours. You can call for any reason."

Maggie looked down at her hands without answer. What did one say?

"Well," Dr. Osborne continued, taking his hand at last from her shoulder and looking down at her file. "Our first order of business is to check on this baby. I see we're just under seven weeks away now. You go ahead and get undressed and I'll be back in a few minutes."

An hour and ten minutes later, after an exam and an unplanned ultrasound, Maggie sat dumbfounded in the chair across from Dr. Osborne's desk in his inner office. The word he had uttered in his own disbelief still ringing in her ears. 

"Twins."