Discussion of "The Protector" by imadj

Beautiful. I had to read it twice. I felt as if I sat there on that mountain top...Beautiful...

I read it several times. How lonely a thought, to be important to all only to be left alone in the end, and not even know you are alone.

Thanks for the feedback. This poem is actually an old one, and there's a cool story behind it. It was written about a painting, also called The Protector, done by a friend of mine. Once I told her this was my favorite of her paintings and the following Christmas, she GAVE it to me. I didn't want to accept it at first, but she insisted that she wanted me to have it. So, in return, I decided to write down the story the painting made me see. This poem came out. And, the best part of all? When she read it, she told me that had she been a writer and not a painter, this poem is what she would have written. Best compliment I've ever had.

That character could really be something in a longer story. Good stuff.

Not much here in my opinion. One and a half stars.

Despite what I just said about the "Sock" story, this poem is at the other end of the scale.

Why do people think they have to use archaic language and syntax when writing poetry? I don't know. Maybe it's because schools don't teach anything written after 1920?

imadj, you're a talented writer, but if you want to do poetry, drop the Robert Browning and Robert Herrick style and just read more modern poetry. It CAN be written using contemporary language.

Thanks, jazzfan. I do write most of my poetry in contemporary language. I write mainly children's poetry. But if you could see the painting that this poem is based on (see above comment), then you'd understand that this one HAD to be written this way. The "protector" in the story is actually a gargoyle - like creature, sitting on an ancient alien mountaintop. In the story he's been sitting there for eons and very likely wouldn't ever have heard contemporary language at all... the ancient language is actually a key element in portraying the fact that time itself has passed this creature by.

Well OK, then. Better on second reading knowing that.

But you need to do a little research if you're going to use archaic language:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/o'er

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/ere

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lest?show=0&t=1316414890