All Comments by imadj

I like this. I think you've gotten off to a very strong start - set up the scene well and already have the reader in this girl's corner. Off to read the next chapter.... and the next...

I just put up a new chapter called "A Thousand Words," and I would love to see someone add to it. And I am going to read "August" ariaterra!

Yes, I suppose it does make sense... And funny thing is, when I did come back, there was one of my old stories that had generated a bit of debate... I guess it's nice to know that the things I have written are taking on a life of there own! Thanks for answering!

"The Book of Joby" by Mark Ferrari. Absolutely riveting book and some of the best character development ever. This was his first, and so far, only book. I am told he's working on another...

Suggests some interesting possibilities, as it is wide open as a prologue. Dialogue needs a bit of work, though - just minor things to make it flow better.. like the last line may read easier if the break were placed after the word "You" instead of the phrase "you will be."

She's a lucky girl :)

Hey, Katrina - I have a question. I used to be active on this site, a few years back, but had not been on it at all for a long time. Suddenly this week, I get a check for $5. So I go back on to see why that might have happened, Can't figure it out... can you explain? But I must say, I am really happy it got me to come back on SM - forgot how much fun it could be! Still curious, though

This is just beautiful! Was I correct in thinking that this person about to be born is actually doing so ... again? And is in the actual process of forgetting the life that he had just lived? What a wonderful and eerie thought! Really, really liked this.

Thanks, jazzfan. I do write most of my poetry in contemporary language. I write mainly children's poetry. But if you could see the painting that this poem is based on (see above comment), then you'd understand that this one HAD to be written this way. The "protector" in the story is actually a gargoyle - like creature, sitting on an ancient alien mountaintop. In the story he's been sitting there for eons and very likely wouldn't ever have heard contemporary language at all... the ancient language is actually a key element in portraying the fact that time itself has passed this creature by.

I like reading your submissions. Very poetic and tenuous... things that make you pause and think... it seems like the reader can almost put their own meaning into it and make it something personal...I've gone back and read other things you've written

Doubt anyone will read this here after all this time...but:

I have not been on the site since I wrote this and had no idea until this very moment that this little thing ever generated such interesting debate! Just for the record, I am in NO way offended by anything written here. This afternoon, out of the blue, I received a check from StoryMash. Hadn't even thought about the site in a long while. When the check came I figured I'd log and see what the heck could have earned me that money...had no idea I'd find something like this! Wow!
I never saw this kind of conversation on here. I don't know whether to be happy about it or what, but I really did find it interesting... I will now go back and read the next chapter

I love this idea. While I understand the intent of the current contest, it seems to me that something has been missing from Story Mash since this began...seems like a lot fewer stories are being looked at now than before. And if someone starts a new story, it sort of gets lost in the shuffle because it isn't part of the contest. This way, only one main story wold be getting that attention and it may make some room for other interesting stories to garner attention as well. I really do like the idea of judging, and especially the idea of letting winning authors serve on the judging panel. And I say definitely limit one win per author.

P.S. I gave you five very well-deserved stars!

TomTen - I LOVE this aspect. In my opinion, way better than what I wrote...in fact, I think I'd like to continue this one, if I could. But, as I am anxious to see what you've got in mind for why some were not whisked away, I will stay away from that. I think there may have been a hint there in the cough, perhaps? It is interesting how vastly different a story can go from one point...but I think I like the added mystery and tension you've put here. And the ending was fantastic! I loved the way you wrote it..."the second appeared out of thin air" Great! I am going to work on this one over the next couple days. (Oh, and for clarity's sake if nothing else -- I am a her)

Wow. I absolutely love this! You have such a talent. I got shivers at the mention of MIT. Adds a whole new layer! I think I shall have to sleep on this and re-read it before I even endeavor to add to it. I have some ideas....have you read the book, I tink it's called "Without Us" written by some scientist about what would happen to the world, day by day, month by month and year by year if humans alone suddenly disappeared? Reminds me of this.

I like this! I like this a lot! This is very much what I imagined the interaction between them would be like when I first started the story. Great job. And very well written. Loved the thing with the clock, making one wonder...has she lost time...has she been taken again? I may take this line up!

I'm so glad you liked it. I always feel so presumptuous following a chapter that is so well-written! Can't wait to read your next installment.

Fantastic. Damn -- you've made me bite my nails again! Really though, loved it, gave you a well-deserved five, and, if I may, I'd love to add to this. Great start!

Have you ever read "The Book of Joby" by Mark Ferrari? A similar, though somwhat more lighthearted take on this theme, and, to date, one of the best books I have ever read.

That is positively wonderful! I wonder if the story is true or just a very brilliant lead-in to some of my all-time favorite lyrics...either way, I love it! You made my day!

I quite enjoyed this. I read it AFTER I read your request for insights on the subconscious thought process, and somehow it pulled me in better than it might have otherwise. I think I realized what was happening when he started to see the tiny light...that's when it felt like birth to me. I thought it was quite beautiful, really. The only thing I have in the way of criticism? I would have liked a bit more emotion when he was placed in the arms of his mother....I don't know what, exactly, maybe a bit more recognition? Relief? More description of those feelings? But I really did like it. I gave you a four star rating.

This is a fascinating topic! And one that is dear to my heart and mind. I've read so many books and articles on this very subject. How does consciousness work? What does it mean to be conscious? I myself have had a few brief moments when time actually seemed to slow down around me and I found myself entirely "in the moment" (at the risk of sounding very new-agey). The moments of euphoria, as you mentioned, can often be the most revealing.
I would love to contribute to this...but I need to think first and figure out how best to do it. Great idea!!

Such a sad, sad story. It reminds me of the funerals I've been to. I always find myself watching people (usually people I know well) as they approach the coffin or the grave sight, and I wonder what is going through their mind in the private moment. Especially the quiet ones. I have the distinct feeling that this is more than a story for you, and, in the case that I am right, I am very, very sorry. But it is truly beautiful to put such feeling into words and share them.

I forgot to mention-- I absolutely LOVED the fact that there was someone whose only purpose was to make her feel better during the takings...it really adds a dimension of empathy to the aliens, which intrigues me to no end.

Mayday -- good addition. I am glad to see that Howard and Jane have finally met. I liked the way he was overly excited like that. A few minor comments/critiques, hopefully to be taken with the correct intent: I wondered how Howard would have so instantly recognized Jane from a little girl (she's now in her forties and would, presumably, look a lot different). I was going to have him recognize her from a much more recent "taking." Also, in light of the fantastic nature of the discussion, and the obvious importance of it to all involved, I thought the bathroom break was not really needed. If I'd just met someone I'd last seen on a spaceship, I might have held it in!
But I so much appreciate the continuation of the story and I plan on adding another chapter in the coming days.

Dogdeity, I do believe this is one of the best things I've read on this entire sight. And I am honored and humbled that you would have thought to include me in such a prolific list. I'd like to see more of this -- very honest thoughts about favorite stories and why you liked them. This is something that truly inspires me to go back and read the ones you mentioned. It is a welcome thing to have such a definite starting point...gives one a solid direction of what is worth checking out. Thanks!

This is one I will indeed be following! Have fun!

I really liked the introduction of her work life and the fact that she is on a mental leave of absence. It really adds to the fact that the situation is somehow coming to a head with her. The only problem I had was her being on the web forums...it seems to me that she wouldn't be there yet, because she had not fully accepted the reality of the situation herself. I think she definitely would have been curious to look at them anonymously, and maybe would have sent the post and then logged off without sending it when she saw her boss come in. But I really did like what you did with this.

Dogdeity,
I really do want to continue Johnny Boy! And, believe me, though your chapters were a bit on the bizarre side, I did enjoy them...very "Restaurant at the End of the Universe" type of thing...one of these days I will pick up on that.I was quite interested in the clone aspect....also, congrats on the contest!!! I am so happy for you and I know it is very well deserved. Great job. And, as always, thanks again for the comments on the Maggie story.

Congrats to all the winners! I have read several of Dogdeity's chapters (so I know that was an excellent choice!) and will now make a point to check out the other two writers as well. Way to go!

I'm glad to see someone taking this on. Great job. I like the ideas of full disclosure in the voting, who voted and what they gave, but I do not like the idea of linking authors to a myspace page, facebook, email, etc. I think being anonymous is part of the intrigue. If I enter into a useful and interesting dialogue with another author, then we'll swap emails, etc. For now, I quite like the way it is.

dogdeity, that is an excellent suggestion. I went back and re-read it and you are right on the money there. It should have had something else. It's a thought I often have, about trains going by people's homes. And last summer they put a train right by my house and now here I am on the other side of the window! (Scary thought, that!) Anyway, thanks for your comment and your very thoughtful idea...

Dogdeity....your comment was so entertaining I wanted to voteon it. And, transparently speaking, it would have been a 5

Oh, and as for transparency...a solid 5

I love this story! What a wonderful voice you've given this guy! What a long, agonizing and interesting moment you've created here...it's like actually being a witness...you can't look away from the morbidity of it...you crave the details even as you cringe! I love it.

What a wonderful comment you left me. I am humbled. Thanks for reading it, dogdeity!

I like this! There is something wonderful in the way he views the cat...and I like the link between the cat's attitude and the man's sadness as "mysteries." This has the feel of a story for young readers. I will look back for more.

This is wonderful! I've been away from the sight for a while...real life called big time, but I was so happy to see this new entry. You've carried on the tone wonderfully...and I was intrigued by the look of recognition when she mentioned her name. Lots of possibilities there! I think I shall continue this soon...but, alas, the duties of real life are still getting in the way.

Thanks dogdiety....the clone aspect just sort of happened...but I think it could add an interesting dimension (so to speak!)...can't wait to read your next addition!

I read every chapter and I really, really like this! You both have a fabulous writing style and you've matched each other's cadence and imagery so seamlessly! I had thoughts about jumping in...but I am honestly getting WAY more out of reading it. Please keep this going?!

This was nice. Great imagery.

I love this story. You've found a wonderful voice for this girl. Very believable. I especially like when she is staring down at her salad, still thinking about gardening, and then, without transition, she's lamenting that her mother is still correcting hr posture! This was so effective because it's the way we actually think! (Well, maybe I shouldn't say that -- it's the way I think, though!) Anyway, very nicely done.

Xylith - that sounds like something I'd like. At the moment I have a pile of books I'm reading and a few others on deck...but this is going on my list!

The title alone made me read this...for some reason, I just loved that title -- the words "Flight of..." make it sound like some heroic war movie or something. And then, when I read your short and sweet little ditty, I loved it even more. So simple, so eloquent-- makes me want to know more about this little buzzer! Mind if I try my hand?

I quite like this for several reasons; I related to the little girl and was quickly drawn into her situation. Yes, it could use a bit of polish, as said, but overall, a great start. I am looking forward to reading more! Great!

I love this story. What you wrote about Vivie as a child was so engaging that I honestly forgot the much later moment of the setting. To me, that is always a sign of good writing...drawing you right into the memory of the character. Very, very nice stuff!

This is good stuff dogdiety....I especially love New NY NY...I'll have to keep the physical aspects straight...(one had two heads, the other has feathers?)
I love the thought that the bounty hunter needs to keep away from the other agents, and the suggestion that he himself may not be able to get home...I am forming some ideas, but I think I'll pick up the next chapter back with Alex and Johnny...I have some ideas as to Johnny's plan to protect Alex...and you've given me some more ideas with this bounty hunter!

can't wait!

This stuff is priceless! I am decidedly hooked!

Thank you so much, HuntsFamousWolf! And thanks also for making me so certain that this was a true compliment...those are the best kind! Very much appreciated.

Wow, wow, wow, wow ,wow! Can you tell I love this? Please publish this (maybe with only a few very minor tweaks?) so that I can vote it with the 5 stars it so deserves.
My initial thought was that Johnny was an alien, but this is so much better. And, I am something of a science geek myself, so I can follow with the physics angle. Here is my favorite line: "like having a beer with the grownups for the first time..." (or something to that effect.
I also love the fact that they are after Alex (thanks for giving him the name)
I am going to continue this one.

That's sweet. I did the poem as a draft because it is something special t me that I didn't want continued. Just wanted to share it.

Thanks, dogdeity! I appreciate the feedback! Oh, and I am a dudette :)

Wow! I went back and re-read your chapter, and you're right. It does seem very clear now that he simply threw her onto the horse. Sorry about that! I guess in my mind, I figured that such a gallant knight wouldn't leave the lady's side with the prospect of danger close by. Maybe it was just my romantic side? I promise, next time, to read the preceding chapter more carefully before I let my own imagination take too much control!

Wow....this is amazing, and there are so many options to follow that I don't know if I dare. What a fantastic story! The details are so vivid. I especially love the honor guard coming to life and the way the white of the tower turned to black with his every step....so nice. And, of course, the damsel in distress is a much needed angle to pursue. Honestly, I don't know where to take it. The Quest of Fulfillment....how to see this? I don't now if I am capable! If I don't write anything in a day or so, assume I am absolutely daunted. So wonderful, Xylith.

Thank you so much. I think this has th potential to become a good story. I am having fun!

Thanks cabustanoby! And I love chapter 4....nicely done. Left a comment for you there.

This is good.....LOVE the whispering book....fantastic I think I feel inspiration tapping me on the shoulder...!

I just wrote another chapter

Bravo!

Thanks for the feedback. This poem is actually an old one, and there's a cool story behind it. It was written about a painting, also called The Protector, done by a friend of mine. Once I told her this was my favorite of her paintings and the following Christmas, she GAVE it to me. I didn't want to accept it at first, but she insisted that she wanted me to have it. So, in return, I decided to write down the story the painting made me see. This poem came out. And, the best part of all? When she read it, she told me that had she been a writer and not a painter, this poem is what she would have written. Best compliment I've ever had.

This was really cooooooool! Something about it made me almost immediately want to write more. Thought I'd ask, though, first -- in case you have a strong inclination as to where it's going.

That's quite all right that you answered, Xylith. And, I must admit, your answer is much better than mine. Although I know I should, I don't write any drafts on this sight, I read your chapter, think about it for a while, and form some basic ideas. then I just start typing and get it out. The process usually is fairly quick for me, but as the story gets going, I find I out more initial thought into it. I think I'd better start doing drafts! See, you've inspired me to work harder!

You are the best, Xylith, you always leave me little something!

That was the idea...I just started writing to set up a character in a situation and see if anyone would take up the reins and continue it. This wasn't anything I really thought about...I just typed it out cold...oh, and that bit right at the top is an actual lyric from an ancient celtic ballad called "Willie of Winsbury" which was actually going through my head at the time!

Thank you for saying so! I think the beginning of the story was so vivid in my mind, it just kind of took off.

Thanks for the positive feedback! I can't wait to see where this goes next!

When my son, Julian, was a bit over three years old, he told me that "the sky talked to (him)" At first I just put it down to childish fun, something cute, but he kept on bringing it up at strange and unexpected times. Sometimes he said it very quietly, which was unlike him. Even now that he is 8 years old, he still insists it is true and will not elaborate or give any real details. Again, very unlike him. Anyway, I know this is a personal experience story for you, but the similarity was too striking not to share. Nice job.

That's a great story...and so timely!

Hey! I just saw this was the featured story on the home page! Very cool!

I am having so much fun with this! Every time you write something, Xylith, the ideas just sort of unfold. I don't even need to think about it, I just let your words sink in and then tart typing. I can't wait to see where you take it next!

Wow. Fantastic! I love how you've made Ander the actual "shroud"...the image of putting on that mantle with the very world at stake! Perfect. And the introduction of the obsidian tower....? Very alluring. Very tempting. I shall think and then add to it -if that's okay. (And I also love his long white hair and silvery eyes!)

Wow. I didn't think I was that transparent. I almost wrote back to tell you that it was in no way based in fact and that I am, in reality, a 14 year old boy. But, why bother. Truth is, that is me and those are my thoughts. But that is all they are --just thoughts. And I like to explore these things in stories where it's safe and I can see what happens. I thought this forum may even prove more interesting because other people could add their own twists -- makes it more unpredictable and real somehow. You are very nice to write all that, though. And, of course, your advice and insight touch on everything I've already told myself a hundred times. That's why I haven't acted on these thoughts. Probably won't.I guess I am just thinking out loud. Gotta watch that! Oh, and by the way, I hope your wife realizes how lucky she is! What beautiful things you said about her!!
On another note, I will read your next chapter in the story and leave you another note there. Thanks, really, for writing, though. You made me feel better!

Your chapter is beautiful. I shall, based on this alone, go and read the rest! Nice job.

I have a friend whose son, though biologically younger than her daughter, was actually artificially conceived first. His embryo was frozen when the mother realized she had gotten pregnant the old fashioned way, and then implanted after her daughter was born. The thought had always intrigued me.

Oh, you are so sweet for writing to me! I am brand new here, read your story, loved it, and just sort of started typing. I was on auto pilot because you left me with such vivid imagery...don't know why I made it daylight suddenly. I guess I just felt like something "other" should happen and didn't want to change the place because you described it so well. Thanks again for writing. I feel better hearing from you. Write the next chapter!