All Comments by honnisoitquimalypense

I've been hopping onto storymash once a month for about a year now; this is the first piece I've seen that really makes me want to stay here.

Nice, I enjoyed that very much. It opens very well.

You got a 5 from me

By "overly descriptive" I actually mean "annoyingly descriptive", which they're not because you're not describing a piece of toast or something trivial like that. The repetition of "candy cane" works perfectly once you let us know that the mittens are missing from a set.

I loved it and I'm intrigued if slightly nervous to find out what happened to her. Brilliantly written from start to finish. I wondered if some of the longer sentences towards the end, when you're describing her appearance, were too long but they're not overly descriptive and have rhythm and that's what you need when you've got the blues. Write on.

Very well written; easy to read, quite fast paced but sets the scene perfectly without giving away too much and leaves plenty of room for development of the story line. I gave you a 5

Good question to which the answer is "yes" (without going into too much detail). The content of the prose is in no way an attempt to rubbish religion, rather give a bit of power to the narrator.

This is in no way a representation of my 'worldly view' and the rejection of religion is only really there to try to set a contrasting tone to what I hope will be a "nice" story. I don't mean to offend anybody, Jews, Muslims, Christians, Bhuddists; I've actually tried to avoid stating "there is no God" in order to leave room for some form of divine intervention by the Big Man later on in the story.

I really enjoyed reading this and think that it's an excellent short story and although it has made me feel 'inspired', I, personally, am having difficulty imagining how I could continue this story without kind of starting again. I hope you write a second chapter!