So, I’m home now. I would recount the rest of the mall adventure, but Jesus I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Needless to say the girls were in the Hello Kitty store. They backed up my story about running through the women’s fitting room trying to find them like the little gumsneakers they are, leaving the rent-a-cop visibly crestfallen. They even apologized, wide-eyed and innocent, to said rent-a-cop for running off so irresponsibly.

Apparently I “owe them” now.

Besides there are more interesting events afoot.

Before dropping the evil twins off at ballet, one of them, I have no idea which, handed me a bright yellow file with a giant Hello Kitty head centered perfectly on the front cover.

“Read it quickly,” she whispered.

“She’ll be here in an hour.” They disappeared.

Creepy little ****. Ever see Village of the Damned, the 1995 version with Kirstie Alley?

I could only hope she was Shirley.

I’m in my recliner with the yellow file. Either I’m a complete dolt or these two are playing me for… for what?

If memory served the green file had several articles about Bobby Joe Helms. An internet search tells me nothing except that he now lives in Melbourne. If I were a real private detective I could probably find out the names of his victims. I doubt it, but I am curious to see if Shirley is on that list. None of this, however, has anything to do with the yellow file which has pages and pages of notes from, what appears to be a stakeout in Hyde Park Village.

Um, register this-

7:15 PM- Egg and Frau arrive @ BT’s

7:30 PM- No activity

7:45 PM- No activity

Etc. until…

9:00 PM- Egg and Frau dust out- I tail on foot.

9:15 PM- E&F shopping

10:00 PM- E&F take the air from  Anthropologie with loot, hand in hand. I’m gonna **** kill him. I swear to GOD I’m gonna give that weak sister a wooden kimono.

There are at least eight more pages, but the slang and handwriting get incomprehensible. I can pick out Chicago overcoat, the broderick, something about a snow-bird in a can house. I consider leaving the yellow file on my porch along with my resignation and returning to my dear old friends, Nyquil and Vodka.