All Comments by honeygloom

My, my, my, quite the cast of characters. I'd expect nothing less:) excellent work, Nash!

I'll do it if I can write in my jammies...
#5=Venezuela

OK, so I disagree with Nash. I can totally see reading the AP version of this story on my phone while I drink my tea in the AM. And real life people rarely ever have the depth of the literary ones. The action specific style gave me just enough insight into your characters to know that Dennis isn't a wife-beating **** who likes Tucker Carlson and cries during olympic ice dancing. He's just your average, run of the mill, **** with no self-control. And that's OK in a plot driven story. I've met all of these people somewhere, and I can fill in the blanks. Pausing before Ray plunges a knife into Dennis' chest to tell me she prefers moths to butterflies, just slows the action down. And her real-life equivalent probably doesn't notice either lepidoptera when they flit sans glitter into her sphere.

Also, in the spirit of being contrary, I don't agree with rico76sgirl about a wrap up either. Ray will probably hook up with the first dude she sees in a bar and get help claiming the fake ticket. But her story will only end one of two ways (I'm thinking death or prison) and I'm comfortable not knowing the details.

In short, well done, 11. Certainly a well executed experiment in backward, plot driven story telling.

And Nash is more long winded than intimidating, but I can see how the two traits might get confused.

My favorite stories are the ones with hateful characters that you still somehow have too root for. Very well done:)

Is it wrong to hate Ray more than Dennis?

It's not a winning ticket! You're an evil genius, a very evil genius.

Why the hell did she tell him? Honestly, sometimes people make no sense. But I love that she did:)

If Anthony bought the ticket with cash, she might be free and clear... long as she lives under the radar in Latvia or something. If he bought it with a card she'll never be able to claim the money... so for what it's worth, I think the story is going in just the right direction.

Oh Holy Master of Tension, I praise thee:) I'd say more, but chapter 2 awaits.

I am what I am, man. I'm not going to change and I'm certainly not going apologize to you for it.

Isn't that what the hippies did? Sit around smoking pot and thinking and ending up doing nothing. The piece is lyrical and like Eleven said it seems conflicted. Although I fail to see the wisdom in it, I like it. Nicely done.

Ok it's super short, I know. But I think I managed to give the plot a nudge forward. I hope my 'clue' makes sense:)

Wooohooo! It feels like the old gang getting back together. Thank goodness you took charge and wrote us a detective. And a classic Eleven one at that.

I will do my best to get something written tomorrow morning. I definitely don't want this one to languish.

Oh my gosh! Aggeloi! You are super awesome. I'm so glad you decided to take charge. Fantastic job and again, you are super awesome:)

Talk about ramping it up:) Well played WWB!Not all what I expected, but that's the fun of SM, the writing on your toes requirement. I might need a few days to work out my next move, it turns out morning sickness is just a cruel euphemism for 24/7 sickness so I'm not much in the writing mood at the moment.

Nice grammar, but not much of a story and pretty cliche imagry. Love lost has been done and done and done, why not try some metaphors Shakespeare DIDN'T already think of? If you're going to say it, why say it the same way everyone else does? I would rather have re-read Hamlet than this, at least there's a story there.

Good stuff, interesting way to personify pain. I kept waiting for the twist and you didn't disappoint. Nice work:)

Hey thanks everyone:) 'spose I should explain some stuff. I don't know why, but I couldn't write it with WWB's victim. The whole name thing creeped me out a lot for some reason. I figured this wasn't 'God's' first rodeo so if I made my girl a previous victim it would be ok.

As for my protagonist, I really just wanted him to be lovestruck not quite right in the head, but not a killer. I was hoping the fact that he put the groceries away would show some forethought regarding a criminal investigation.

I have some thoughts about where to go from here but it will depend, of course on what WWB does:)

Nice job, the narrator's voice is believeable and sucked me right in.

Very nice character development. You really pulled me in. I have only driven a big truck like that a few times, but you succeded in making me remember and in making me feel the memory through the story. Nice work and welcome to SM!

Continued 'A Piece of Possible Spleen'. I posted after WWB's chapter, I like the transition from my quiet, pragmatic character to his insane and violent one. SHould be a cool back and forth:)

http://storymash.com/u/honeygloom/lokevilu/

Incredible, as always your unfalteringly honest voice is charming and sweet and sad all at once.

Formatting worked for me. I thought the effect was awesome and really added to the mystery. Nice work!

According to a health survey I took at my doctor's office, my lifestyle, diet, and family history combine to set me at an actual age of 18. Chronologically speaking... Eh, who cares;)

Very cool:) you did a great job with the narrator's disconnected state, I could really feel it. I also liked that it was more visual than auditory- fits with the drunkenness and injuries. I really enjoyed it, fantastic work!

My goodness, the size of your talent is certainly impressive. I love how awkward Jerry is. And a fitting? Lucky boy;)

Wow:) short, but it packs a punch. Pretty intense prologue, vivid details, and a good mystery. Nicely done.

You get paid per views. Meaning, the more people read your story, the more money you make. However, most people who've been here for awhile and are popular writers don't net more than $15 a year. This site is more valuable for the feedback and critiques you get than it is for the money you'll make.

That being said, the best way to get read is to read and comment on other writers' works. Most writers will return the favor. So welcome to the site! I hope you enjoy it and all the great writers we have here:)

Yikes! Pretty horrible stuff.

One thing cought me, "Coughing up a storm." If you want your writing to be original, try not to use cliches.

But your descriptions are really vivid, it's easy to understand why your protagonist reacted the way she did. Nice work;)

Rigid structure can imply insanity. But in my case, no, I'm relatively stable. Thanks for asking.

Exactly, happened to me a few weeks ago. Still trying to reassemble her actually. Does anyone know what a pinkish piece shapped like Elvis might be?

Not bad at all, but I'm not gonna lie, it felt rushed. Still, the room had good ambiance and the main idea I think you had was cool. A serial killer haunted by his own victims is a nice touch.

Thanks! I suppose my story is just like your elipses giving space for the reader to wonder what's going on during the pauses;)

Ha! Thanks:) much like the protagonist, I prefer rocks to gooey stuff. I'm glad you liked it:)

Oooo.. I want to play! I don't watch survivor, but my hubby is a big fan of those MTV real world/road rules challenges. I've seen a few episodes of survivor, they have basically the same format I think.

How do you want this to work though? Should I just jump in or should there be some kind of organization?

I got so excited I forgot to tell you what a cool idea and setup this is:) I like the mix of characters too, they offer a good test of writing skills.

Yup, it's Emerson.

Hey dkk:) I've read up to ch4 and I'll read the rest as soon as I have time, but so far I think it's a cool story. You've left a lot of mystery to draw the reader in and keep us reading. Your descriptions are great, very vivid and creative.

Personally, I'm having a hard time connecting with Alana. I don't know much about her other than she's maybe some kind of witch being drained of power. Some insight into her thoughts and life outside the stone circle would be sweet. Of course, you've already written a bunch more, so I guess this is more for future reference:)

I do agree with Jack, all the fragments read choppy to me. But we all have style preferences, so feel free to take that with a grain of salt:)

HA! I figured I was more of a.. um... figurehead. But now that I know it's mine (ALL MINE) well, I shouldn't reveal my plans. That would be silly.

Can't help bein' drunk when's my burden to untangle via email the illogic of that/those Doc and his strong arm... whatever. Who's the bartender in this town anyway? Whiskey's all gone...

Such brave gunslingers! Never did see myself settin' pretty under 'ol Nash's thumb, but I'll wait for the dust to settle before I put my puppet behind that tin start...

Awesome DKK:)

Hey, I'm glad to see you back too! How am I? I'm glad that I have chaos to remind me that I'm still alive;)

Glad my febrile imaginings produced a bit of pleasure;)

Thanks:)

Thanks! I love puzzles meself, never found one like this though:)

Thanks! Personally, I can't wait to see if the Mage Hunter has done anything since I've been gone!

Ooo.. little chills are my favorite. Thanks!

Thanks, dkk, it's good to be back:)

I've got tons of reading to catch up on it looks like. But I will definitely read your Fate series. I'm glad you've been busy;)

Sigh... I have no idea how my mind works either. Glad you like it though:)

Breath...in, out... slow the heart rate. Sheesh, Q blew up a girl with my name once in a story, but this was WAY more disturbing. You're awesome awesomeness is overwhelming. Holy crap, I really can't unfreak myself out right now. Intense, man, really effing fantastic. I need to go hug a puppy now...

Hey thanks! I don't really have a chapter 2 yet. This was kind of stream of conscious. I wrote it in my journal while I was watching WWII in HD on the History channel. If you have an idea, I'd love to see your take:)

I'm very glad you enjoyed it:) Feel free to mash, I didn't really have any plans for it. I'd love to see where you take it.

I do have smooth and lily white forearms, perfect for doing lines off of. My tattooed tit, however, says number 13. Um... how about a shot for the fallen?

Whoa, very cool premise. I like the idea that there could be multiple characters and storylines just based on the POV character's eyes. Could be hard to keep straight, but it could be really cool too:)

I plan on sticking around for a while:)

P.S. I tried Jessica's mantra on my sink full of dirty dishes yesterday... no luck, had to get my hands dirty;)

Twisted, creepy, and somehow endearing. I don't know how you do it, but it's good.

Sick man. I laughed my **** off at his name, Mangu. Oh, you do depraved very well. It's hard to praise such demented business so I'll just say you did what had to be done and made it entertaining. Now I have to check the front door to make sure it's locked...

Very curious, I like the idea of imagination/muse being a physical construct. And frankly, imagination contests sound freaking cool:)

What's up:) Totally loving this storyline. Lots of potential for wicked frolicking. Keep up the good work!

A star, eh... lukcy for me I'm short and not very bright so I'll burn for a long time;)

Hey thanks:) I'm still glad you're back, even if I'm not here much. The site definitely benefits from great writers like you.

5 stars BTW. You mad genius, you.

Oh, see, that's what I always tell him too:)

Oh man! Wayside School did rock. I resorted to Google for you it's Louis Sachar. I used to read Mrs. Piggle Wiggle over and over as a child. I love that kooky old lady with her upside down house!

As far as influences... I have three novels I read when I need to be reminded of why I want to write: Brothers Karamazov, Death in Venice (which an anthology, but whatever), and Portait of the Artist as a Young Man.

I wouldn't say they influence my style though. Maybe just my subject matter. I'm sort of reverse influenced by Tolkien. I can't stand that much pointless detail. It really doesn't mater to me which blades of grass chose to face the sun the morning Whozit slashed Yahoo's throat over the magic warthog tart. I like simple and direct language and I like to let the reader put their imaginations to work so I can focus on the characters. I guess Raymond Carver is a good example of an author who influences my style.

I do, like Aggeloi, tend to absorb what I'm reading at the moment.

Hey thanks. I'd love to see this story go far. I think it's a great concept.

Awww, thanks *blushing*

I've got some reading of yours to catch up on, I'll get to it, I promise:)

Brad Pitt, Luke and Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, Tim Lincecum, and Johnny Depp.. Thank God I'm not really dead;)

Keeping the orange jumpsuit, thank you very much. It's good for um... well, you know...

What doesn't kill us makes for good material right? *hugs back*

Ha! Just remember I look EXACTLY like Angelina Jolie. Make sure your descriptions are spot on, seriously.

No crying... I'm not dying or anything:)

Recently real life has gotten a smidge complicated. And unfortunately it’s not a complication easily fixed. As a result, my free time is very limited (and will be for a while) which means I don’t have much time to devote to SM. This site and all the people I’ve met here mean a lot to me so instead of doing a shoddy job because I’ve got no time, I’m stepping down as Content Director. I still plan on reading and writing whenever possible, but I won’t see you as often as I did before. I really want to thank everyone for the wonderful contributions to all the projects. I had a great time thinking them up and a great time reading everything you posted.

Honeygloom

Classic Nashian humor:)

Interesting take on God, you made him more human than divine. I enjoyed it:)

Very thought provoking and paced well too. Great job:)

Beautiful and very touching. I can relate, but maybe in a different way. Thanks for writing:)

Of course I can’t speak for Carroll, but in my own experience, I’ve found that taking the wrong medicine for migraines can lead to trouble. I’ve had migraines since I was 19. The first doctor I saw prescribed percocet (an opiate mixed with acetaminophen) and told me there was nothing to be done besides take pain killers. Migraines happen when blood vessels in your brain expand and press against nerves, causing intense pain. Opiates will numb the pain for awhile, but they eventually wear off. Migraines can sometimes last for days and your body will eventually start to get used to the pain killers. So, you have to take more and more drugs to kill the pain and eventually, you are taking them just to feel normal and need even more, or even something different to kill the pain. I don’t know for sure, but Carroll could have started smoking opium when laudanum didn’t work any more. That’s just speculation though.

Carroll didn’t have the right diagnosis or the right medication. It’s sad, but his addiction was probably inevitable. It was either addiction or suffer through the pain. Plus, he lived during a time when doctors gave people heroin to get them off of cocaine and you could get injection kits from mail order catalogues. It wasn’t exactly hard to become an addict. Today doctors prescribe drugs like Maxalt and Imatrex which contract the blood vessels, thereby relieving the pressure on nerves and alleviating the pain. I don’t even have to take pain killers for my headaches anymore.

Carroll's case does prove that so much of what we write is tied into our place in history and the world. Addiction and writers almost seems like the chicken and the egg conundrum. Who knows what they would have written sans substance. This discussion is making me want to do more research and see if any well known writers ever kicked their habits and kept on writing…

In defense of Lewis Carroll, it is believed he suffered from chronic migraines. They aren’t understood that well now days so obviously in Carroll’s time they were a complete mystery. Pain killers were primitive too at the time, so laudanum was probably his only real option for pain relief. I found a couple interesting articles a while ago about pain hallucinations and his writings, it’s kind of interesting to think about: http://www.alice-in-wonderland.net/explain/alice864.html & http://migraine.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/02/24/curioser-and-curiouser/#more-17

Personally, I think the more interesting question isn’t whether or not substance abuse is necessary for good writing, but what underlying psychological problems causes some writers to be addicts and what impact do those problems have on their writing. Some of my all time favorite writers were addicts, does that cheapen their writing for me? Absolutely not. It adds to the complexity of their personal lexicon. If Kerouac and Hemingway weren’t an alcoholics, or Henry Miller a sex addict, would they have written what they wrote? And similarly, if Dostoevsky weren’t an epileptic would he still have written what he did? At least four of Dostoevsky’s characters were epileptics. Nabakov was a well known lepidopterist (someone who studies butterflies and moths for those who don’t want to look it up). Some of his descriptions of Lolita are taken straight from his scientific descriptions of butterflies.

Are addictions and medical problems necessary for good writing? Probably not, but I don’t think they can be discounted. We aren’t writers because the occupation was assigned to us. We are writers because we have a desire to be writers. Artists are complex people and our actions and proclivities, our histories and psychology, whether we recognize it or not, are integrated in everything we write. In his autobiography, “Fates Worse Than Death”, Kurt Vonnegut says two interesting things about the state of being a writer. First, he says that we are lucky to live in a time when writing isn’t thought of as effeminate and men who write don’t have to be alcoholics or fighters to toughen their image. And second, he says that all writers have to be depressives. I guess my point in giving you Vonnegut’s thoughts are that ‘A Writer’ is an animal that requires a personal definition and that definition will likely vary from writer to writer.


With that said, I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, sober is the only way I can really write anything worth reading. And using substance as a means to an end, is probably a double edged sword, you may (or may not) come up with really great ideas, but is the harm to your body and the possibly shortened life span worth it? I guess that’s something each writer will have to answer for themselves.

Great continuation! I enjoyed the black van addition. And thought you really kept the tension up well.

Very interesting and well written. I would definitely be interested to read a story with this character as a protagonist.

Bleak and rhythmic. A little melodramatic maybe, but not all that bad:)

Oh... poor little tyke. Hope his headache goes away soon.

Dirty trick. I feel cheated. But then, I guess, so did Alex...

Absolutely wonderful:) Pet squirrels and Thanksgiving every day, sounds like a great place.

But you could harvest and make a chin wig.

It's bad taste at the very least...

You gotta Ninja Doxie, it's a rare breed I think:)

Ha! So funny,my dog gets nervous everytime I try to teach him anything non-functional. I guess that's what I get for getting a working dog:)

Poor old ladies:)

Excellent advice!

I love Bones;) Sorry about your pet spider.

Ooo.. Mamma has a secret, sweet;) I can't wait to find out what you have in store! Keep up the good work.

Brilliant, of course... and so sad.

Welcome to StoryMash:)

You picked a tough subject. I can't wait to see how it develops after such an intriguing start.

Not bad at all:) I'm getting mixed signals about the time period this is in though. Joanna's father essentially arranged the marriage which is historically accurate. But two things seemed odd.

One is that her mother was concerned about her being too young to get married. The situation is already a little odd since Wade doesn't offer any land or money (which is why marriages were usually arranged). But in 1910 the median age for women to get married was 21, she's not that far off. It would make more sense if her mother was concerned about her marrying, essentially, a nobody.

Second was the schooling issue. By 1918 every state in the US required children to at least finish elementary school. Of course there were kids taught by tutors, but in this case it just wasn't ringing true to me. Maybe I just don't have a good sense of the mother's character yet. She doesn't seem to be that aware of what's going on with her daughter or her husband and I have a hard time placing her in the role of teacher and friend.

I would love a deeper exploration of the relationships Joanna has with her parents. I think it could bring a lot of drama.

Overall though, nicely done:) I'm really enjoying this one.

Hmm.. I don't know any of those songs:)And I'm ok with that.

Funny, I thought your eyes looked crossed last time I saw a picture... I'd grow the hair out too if I were you.

I'm sorry to say anyone peeking would probably be confused rather than delighted as it's black and flannel (and yes, I even wear it in the summer) and tightly belted since I only wear... oh wait, you don't get to know what's underneath;)

Bitter sweet, I like it when you write tenderly about her. I don't know why, I just like it:)

Hell no! I saw my boy bean Jeter and heard the WHOLE crowd gasp. Poor Timmy:(

And thanks:)

Glad to have you back.. I've missed you:)

Maybe:) I'm no expert on the meaning of life, that's for sure. But I'm glad you liked it.

Tender and romantic, awesome entry:)

How sweet of you to help the math scholars:)

Cashmere yarn, has to be cashmere. I am actually frightened for you and the next fourteen days...

That place sounds like fun... as long as the digestive tract doesn't also include realistic smells.

As always, such great descriptions of their personalities. You really are doing a great job of showing what unique individuals they are.

So great:) I drink mine black with whipped cream on top and my dog gets a squirt of the whipped cream on his nose every morning.

Beautiful, as always. I love that she only smiled in response to your professed love and you even loved that smile. Very well done.

Thanks! I'm glad you've enjoyed the chapters.

I haven't read an of him, I'll be sure to check him out though. Thank you for the recomendation:)

Great sense of adventure and I love the sense of innocence as well.

Beautifully written, you show your protagonist's heartache very well. Nicely done:)

Holy narwal Batman! Spectacular, you are too funny:)

Too funny, prison gaurds must not take Nephew Virtue too seriously if they let that letter get out;)Well done WBS

It's a really good start actually. I like the tone, your protagonist seems to have no worries at all about what might happen to him without a roof over his head. I would have liked a little more detail about how bad his life was, but over all I enjoyed it. Nice work:)

Wow, great story. I love the twist and the characters are really believable. Nice work:)

Welcome to StoryMash! Great story. I love how the beginning was a little disjointed but as the protagonist seemed to catch his breath the telling was smoother. Really well done and a great setup:)

Nice, I like the juxtaposition of something simple, like clean hands, with the complexity of evolution.

It isn't my fault you have a one track mind... sheesh. I'm glad you do though, for now I've had a chance to laugh at your misfortune *grins*

Heh. Sobriety has its good points, being safe for
brain cells is one of them. But then, there's those
pesky emotions you have to feel. If you're willing to
risk sobriety for the sake of writing... One night
can't hurt too much right?

Touching, brilliant, bright enough to light the way to innermost desires...um, you rock;)

Well that figures, I can only acheive literary perfection if I mention Nash. Piffle.

"You'd better run for your life if you can, little girl,
Hide your head in the sand, little girl.
Catch you with another man,
That's the end - ah, little girl."
-Beatles

I give you points for honesty, that's for sure.

Haha! Well, I've enjoyed it so I think everyone else should too.

And I secong reading everything by dogdeity11, a very good way to spend your time on SM:)

Good to see you back Synapto! And with a well done quikie!!

Very possibly a fetish. There seems to be a fetish for everything.. not that I know about those kinds of things.

Wow, LadyV, really well done.

As Aggeloi already mentioned, the dialect markers like dropped g's and 'fer' instead of 'for' should be left in dialogue and not used in the exposition.

It's a really good start and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it. Nicely done:)

You know, we have a lot in common. My husband gets grossed out when I pick the cats' noses though.

My favorite one yet:) Very witty, Nashville, nice work!

I love it, my dog's whole body wags with his tail:) I love the title too:)

Can I still be in the club if I don't use my kitchen table beacause my dog chewed up the chairs and they leave splinters in my legs?

Thanks:)

Man, too short. What a clever premise:) Nice work, I really enjoyed it.

Hey, you know what? This is hands down the best thing you've written. I think you may have found your niche Lady:)

One thing to keep in mind is your word choice. Here for example:

"Thank heavens though, that I had my mother's solitude about me, and I could easily mask my emotions."

Solitude, of course means beaing alone which doesn't make sense right there.

Over all though, I'm impressed. Great job!

Haha! Me too!

No, sorry. I don't agree with celebrating singing and dancing child molesters who were only acquitted because people in this country value money more than justice or their children.

Instead of a project, how about an indefinite moratorium?

The Trader Chronical by jackoalltrades is soooo freaking good. Everyone should take the time to check it out from beginning to its present chapter.

http://storymash.com/u/Jackoalltrades/nariwuve/

Simple and honest. Very nice:)

So sweet:) You do a wonderful job of communicating how communicative they are:)

Nothing bothers me like that noise does. It makes my stomach flip.. yuck!

Well I love it, no matter what you say:) So glad you continued this and thanks for the heads up. I love this story and I hope this means there will be more!

Last I heard he was on vacation in the states where he doesn't get internet access very regularly. I don't know when he'll be back though:)

I saw a lot of the same things Nash did. There were too many details that didn't seem relavant. This piece needs a bit of chopping up:) For example, I also like the bit about showing respect to your elders, but then they have this whole conversation about dinner and your protagonist expounds about it, but (unless I missed it or am not remembering right), he never sticks around to eat. It takes up a lot of space, but in the end the event has no closure. Stuff like that gives it a rambling, going nowhere feeling.

With that said, I love the subject matter, I love post apocalyptic/dystopia stuff so you have me hooked there. I like your protagonist too. I thought the Norse mythology was an interesting quirk, hanging on to the old days (assuming they weren't too long ago since he seems young) and whatnot.

So Nice work, but break out the red pen:)

Nice, I like that you went back to the beginning of his obsession. Well done:)

Poor pooch:(

Ditto, I'd buy a book of Nashisms.

Thanks guys:)

Awww, shucks. Thanks *grins*

Love the Lion/stripper analogy. I need a cold shower...

ha! That does sound good:)

Fantastic:)

I love pointless marital debates... very funny:)

Speechless... amazing.

Hey, read all three. I applaud you, self discovery isn't any easy thing:) Nice work!

Very sweet:) And so true as well.

Oh you are heartbreaking. I love how entertained and complicated it all is. All the male posturing and she's pretending that she doesn't know exactly what's going on. I wish I could believe she's as naive as you say. It's a well wrought portrait of human nature.

Hey glad to see you continued this. I enjoyed it and I can't wait to see who he finds to give it too:)

Oh yeah, it can be really addicting:)

Wow! Nice start:) Well written and definitely intriguing.

Ha! Nice twist at the end. Enjoyable read:)

My favorite line, "bliss in the name of Oxycodone". Nicely told story, but I'm sorry you have it to tell:)

I read all of these and I really enjoyed them. Short, but well done. I noticed a couple of spots where you switched tense, but it wasn't distracting. The only real issue I had was that he snapped after missing only one night of sleep, just seemed unrealistic.

But overall, I really liked them and I hope to read some more of your stuff:)

*blush* thanks:)

Harrowing;) Thank goodness you didn't lose an ear.

I'm fairly certain that by the end of thrity days I will have adopted my dog a sibling. You just paint such a sweet picture of their bond, I love it:)

It isn't often that the girliness in me eeks out and I make these piglet-like squeeks while I read, but you can do that to me. I found myself making a noise I can't even spell that felt something like a uterin tantrum. Oh, if this is real, I want her to run to you so you can be happy forever and she can become a full human... If it's not real, shame on you;) *sighs*

Mystifyingly awesome:)

Awesome!! You usual vivid descriptions and subtle wit are definitely present. This protagonist is so great, really well done.

Very touching, I echo Cornelius, getting away with murder isn't that easy. But over all, I really liked it.

This was really well done. Very enjoyable, loved the voice, welcome! And I hope to read more of you:)

Interesting concept. If the data he's getting from the NSA isn't already coded, how did the faces get there? It's a little confusing, but I do think it has potential to be really interesting.

15544461 can have five. I don't know about killing the hydra in chapter 5, what is there left to write about after that? I'd say don't kill it in 5 and leave it for WWB.

I'm an obessive picker too:) I love that the 'ugly nails' keeps coming up as a theme.

I think it fits with the honesty of the other parts, I liked it.

I, on the other hand, will do everything humanly possible NOT to imagine you in the bathtub.

That is too funny.. I can just see the um, not so acrobatic leap off your shoulder. Very nice, indeed:)

Oh my goodness, how cute they are. My lap dog is 83 pounds and very snuggly:)

Thank you guys:)

JD, that was soo funny, thanks!

I'm with Katrina, this is heartbreaking and your descriptions and the protagonists mood... everything is just heartbreaking.

Great job, I love that this is more than a description, but also a mission:)

Beautiful... It's hard to convey grandure sometimes, but you really do it well, and all for a little brook stone:)

Geology has such an amazing story to tell. I love that you bringing that to light.

Awesome:) I love the detail in the rock's composition, really nice touch.

Awesome:) Again, the honesty is what I like most about these.

And yes, it is sick:P

I thought those were called Devil curls?

Oh those German's are clever:) JD, these chapters are so endearing. I really enjoy reading them.

Very sweet:) And shows your protagonist has more depth than just obsession.

Love 'orby hunk', that's a great description:)

I like "winged bitch-thing". Lovely:)

Haha! Definitely a compliment!

Agreed...

Thanks:) It's funny you don't realize that you get attached to things so simple.

Isn't it horrible? I even felt bad for the whiteflies and aphids:)

Thank you both, I'm glad you liked it:)

Thanks!!

I love the nonchanlance about knowing when you'll die. Very nice:)

These installements should really come with pictures...

So funny:) Very nicely done!

I think deep down, everyone wants to be obsessed about like this. Ovid's got nothing on this;)

Echoing Cornelius, this palpable torture is both hard to read and hard to comprehend. You write passion so well it's also hard to turn away.

I also wondered where this would go. I loved that your mood affects and inanimate object. Great direction:)

Beautifully written:) I can't wait to read the next one!

Nice, I like the honesty.

I love the image of dry skin sticking to fabric and peeling off. Really vivid and yucky. Nice work:)

Love it:)

Nice, I really like the voice that comes through in the description.

Fantastic! I love your unique aproach, it's really entertaining.

Very creative:) You picked a hard topic!

Three cheers for fromop creating night elves!

Seems fitting that your hair should be as contrary as yourself;)

Ditto on the hooked business:) You're a natural storyteller, that's for certain. Awesome job.

Very sweet:) And beautifully done, contrasting innocence with dark things she may not fully understand.

Man... you picked a hard topic:) Nicely done though. I wasn't always sure what you were talking about, but it was still interesting.

Awesome, I love tickling my dog's feet too. I wish he loved it as much as I do:) You're painting such a great picture, I'm really enjoying it.

The thought of a wiener dog pouncing made me giggle. I bet that's a sight to behold:)

Nice insight into their lives together:)

My old neighbors had dachshunds, they are such characters. I love that you chose them:) And the opening line is perfect!

Thanks!

I will make the deadline the end of August, so 8/31/09. That way people who don't log on everyday will still have plenty of time to join in.

Sheesh, it just dawned on me why you asked that. You'll have to excuse me, I was playing with my dog over the weekend and we had a head on collision. Needless to say, he got the ball and I got a concussion. My brain is still not functioning at full capacity I guess ;)

It is up and running on the Projects Page:)

You joining in the fun?

This one’s simple, pick one thing, sunrise, your backyard at midnight, the rusty Buick in your neighbor’s yard, anything, and describe it in one paragraph every day for thirty days. You’ll have to be brave, brake rules, and get in touch with your inner writer. At the end of the thirty days we’ll pick the best one and turn it into a project.

HG:)

Glad you liked it:) I know, I've got to be less antisocial myself if I'm going try this one.

Oh it's a bitter victory... I almost liked the guy a couple of times during this story, but now, not so much:) Excellently done though, I love it when the bad guys get to be protagonists, and you wrote this one very well.

Oh heavens, you sent my mind in all kinds of directions there;)

Dungeon huh? I'd have one built but the water table is too high here... Might go for a tower instead, depending on zoning and permits and whatnot.

Nice:)

Brevity is my complaint as well;) Nicely written, I'm anxious for more. I enjoyed the build up to the migration. Is Hane a futuristic Jane Goodall? Looking forward to more and welcome to StoryMash!

Demons get a bad wrap. They fill a tangible and much needed niche in the social psyche.

Cheers (heh)

Still channeling Bundy I see;)Elven stars, as always.

Must be a testement to the quality of the writing that I didn't even notice the formatting:)

I guess I'm the only one confused... The monster in the papyrus can shape shift into people and tigers, right? Which is totally cool if that's the case, just making sure I'm on the right track. Overall though, nicely done.

Thanks, everbody, for commenting:)

The premise sounds really interesting. I for one love post apocalyptic stuff and I'm looking forward to reading your story:)

Hey there:)

I found this while avoiding responsibility. It's great advice for learning realistic dialogue by a guy named N.D. Wilson. I haven't tried it yet, but I am definitely going to:

http://ndwilson.com/blog/?p=188#more-188

Very nice, love the POV. You emphasized that what the exact nature of the problem was wasn't important, just how the boy perceived it. Great job:)

Wow, incredibly powerful. Hitler seems like one of those taboo subjects, the ones youjust don't want to touch. But the way you handled it was beautiful, loved it.

I thought fishing was supposed to be relaxing...

Oh, right, the snow... I'm gonna keep my palm trees I think;)

Woohoo!! I'm glad you liked it:) I've been wanting to add to it for awhile and I finally found the motivation yesterday. Sweet!

I continued Cheese's 'No Hero' story:

http://storymash.com/u/honeygloom/hihudero/

Oh that's awesome;) Very funny and as Ace already stated, very believable dialogue.

Loved it:) You have a unique style, I really enjoyed reading.

Oh and I did check out Ace's. I am officially moving to Canada, it's freaking gorgeous there;)

Oh! Oh! I have some too:

http://themelancholicbutterfly.blogspot.com/

http://monkszoo.blogspot.com/

Anybody else? Come on... it's fun to shamelessly self promote. It's good for the complexion.

Whew! What a wrap up:) Well done, I like where you ended it too. I can totally see spinoffs of the remaining characters... what they do once off the island. They all have such great back stories. Great work WBS!

Verbose:)

Downloading your own:)

So... do y'all want avatars for your profiles? I'm doing a poll:)

Honestly? We're going through this again? Until you've earned OVER $30.00, you do not get paid. If you have indeed earned $32.14, contact support@storymash.com.

Please refer to the licensing agreement:
http://storymash.com/legal/license/

Thanks much,
-HG

No question the writing needs a lot of improvement.
They know that I think... I hope.

Poetry.

Fantastic:)

Hmm.. funny.

OH... cool, nice save:)

How should we punish run-ons? Whips or chains?

Interesting turn of events on the other hand.

Thanks! This was more challenging than I thought. I totally forgot about the 250 min character limit.

Great premise:) I liked how you delt with the refugees and the ban on breeding. Naming your protagonist Saul was maybe a too obvious reminder of the Nazi camps, most everyone would make the correlation anyway I imagine. But the juxtoposition of the kid who never knew pre-global warming life and the old man Saul is effective and really enjoyed it. Nice work:)

Holy.. WOW! That guy has balls... I am unequivocally and undeniably, on the edge of my seat:)

Let me email her and we'll see what she says. If she can't, you're totally in:)

Sweet:) No worries, just glad you're still writing it!

Ohhh, you are so good at that... I love the back story you made for them, the explaination of the name, 'the killing stroke', awesome:)

Hey, nice:) I like the changes, I feel like I understand her alittle better now. Despite the meditation, the stones are still rattiling her mind. Great revision and I enjoyed all the extra info:)

You're so sweet WWB;) And thank you for sticking up for me.

But before this starts WWIII, I just wanted to let everyone know they did ask me before they posted this and I gave them the OK.

I don't like to take myself too seriously, so ya know... no big deal;)

Have at it, good sir:) And thanks so much for volunteering!

Is that for Suds?

Wow, great descriptions. And I love how non chalantly she's decsribing the black outs as well... I'd be sobbing in neurologist's office convinced I had a brain tumor. But she's not that concerned so it made me think she might deep down know what's going on but isn't acknowledging it. Awesome stuff:) Nice work!

They don't die, they hibernate;)

I know wolf is planing on writing this, but he's got some important stuff he's working on right now.

Hebe agreed to take Neo's spot in Around the World so hopefully she'll have something up soon.

S&S... I don't know what's up with LadyV there, I haven't heard from her.

Suds is open.. LadyV decided she didn't want that chapter.

There aren't any rules that say an author can't write more than one chapter so if anybody wants to take more than one, feel free.

Pretty intense;) I liked the story a lot, and I liked Frank's tortured character. I actually wish you had drawn it out a little. Made him get further into the investigation and sink deeper and deeper before blowing his load, so to speak. Over all though, nicely done:)

Chapter #2? Hello? Maybe I'll just start appointing people to projcets... *grins, with an evil glint in her eye*

Hey Lady, you still in for the next chapter?

Anyone, anyone? Come on.. scared of a kid's story?

Hey hebe, you still writing this one?

Master of Random, thee, I salute you:)

What a wonderfully wacktastic death of painted plastic;)

Fantastic! Welcome to StoryMash big:)

Ah ditto.. if your character seems like a 'curse like a pirate' type, for the love of all that's holy spell out the curse words. Otherwise, I'm stuck in the middle of a story thinking, "Why on Earth would someone do that? Am I reading the Sunday comics? No. Am I not trusted to read this word and then move on like any other intelligent adult? Apparently not. How rude. Oh fudge, now I have to keep reading after such an insult? Preposterous.”

It's kind of like the Jonas Brothers' remarkable chastity ring marketing ploy. Telling teenage girls that the Jonas Brothers will not bed them, makes teenage girls follow them around like slobbering zombies thinking of one thing and one thing only... buying MP3s they can listen to while frenching their pillows. (ah yes, I was a teenage girl once *rolls eyes*)

So, ahem.. practice your freedom of speech, it may not be long before they take that too;)

Welcome back!! Nice little one you've got here. Love the interaction between Davar and the inspector (who doesn't really say anything):) Nicely done!

Poor Shom-Ral:( I love that his dumbly happy attitude has completely vanished and he doesn't even try to hide it. Awesome chapter, as always!

Holy mackeral that was funny:) Very nicely written battle scene too..

Fantastic:) I love your take on the small amounts of money, too funny.

Short, but very funny... Nice work!

Such a charming story:) Very well done. You illustrated mother and daughter perfectly... I really enjoyed it.

Hmm... good questions;)

Brutal... no question here how Joey turned out the way he did. I have two questions:

1- what will happen when the ambulance arrives and Joey is getting the **** beat out of him with a chain?
2- With all the anger mangament and therapy, how did it never come out that Joey's parents beat him?

Overall though, the imagry was great and I think you really got the tone of Joey's voice down perfectly. Nice work XD;)

That's a good point.. plus if he's a little messed up in the head, she probably is too..

I do know a lot about you, that's true...

Crazy definitely! About each other... we shall see;)

Very charming:) Nice work!

Argg.. I wish Melinda could respond to this:(

But nicely done, I didn't even think of that angle. I'm so pleased you jumped in.

I think my only quibble was that she seems to live near him but wrote a letter anyway. Jeremy and Melinda are writing because Jeremy won't tell Melinda where he lives.

But other than that.. I loved it. It really showed that Melinda is affecting him even more than HE realizes. Again, very nicely done.

Oh heavens.. I laughed so hard at the end:) Nice work Cornelius!

I love the part where he's at the fire but still cold and blames it on old age;)

Good stuff as always. You've created an interesting creature/person. That it breaks the window and then runs away shows more thought than like a bigfoot type monster, which to me makes it a more interesting storyline because it could be person, but it still has that creature feel to it. You're the man, you always rock this stuff:)

Hey thanks:) Glad you enjoyed it!

Letters 9 & 10 are posted:)

Up the voltage...

I was hoping for a final solution.

Nice little bit of writing XV, good to see you back:)

I'd rather my writing put people to sleep than make them scratch their eyes out with a guitar pick, Nashville.

I clearly said you were objectionable but wouldn't object... and there you went acting objectionably...

Me too.. ditto on the eventually as well:)

Letter #8 is posted... Nash you're horrible at selling yourself.

Letter explains what she did with the skin, in case anyone is wondering:)

I love this guy;) So when do you let JK Rowling know you have something more marketable than Harry Potter? Great chapter Aggeloi:)

The alcohol kills anything bad right? No big deal...

I'm with Nash on this one, I like the easy feel of the narrator. He's whimsical but not in a silly way, he's got, as Nash said concern or guilt or even just curiosity.

Nicey done, I really enjoyed this:)

Thanks for reading, Cornelius! I'm glad you've liked it so far.

I for one would love for you to jump in. Nash, although he's quiet objectionable, probably won't object either:)

Sheesh, that's dude is a you-know-what... Awesome chapter. It has occured to me that I hold my breath while I read them;)

Yeah, I can see your point. I tried to make it seem like Leopold didn't really have his 'army' trained that well. I figured that after Ludmilla slammed the bomb in Leopold's mouth maybe his underlings would... eh... I don't know panic. I do regret not having Bies and Khatan face off, I thought about that after I published. But I'm never that comfortable with fight scenes so I was happy I got a bomb so I could just get it over with;)

I borrowed the vampires turning human thing from "Cursed", that movie with Cristina Ricci (and yes I know the movie is about werewolves, but I figure if none of them really exist, bending the rules is not a big deal).

The main reason I gave it a happy ending was that all the other monsters had been vanquished (werewolves before the story even began and the werespider by wasps from another dimension) so NOT killing the vampires seemed out of place. Also, in one of the other chapters Ludmilla is going on about the gray skies and Bies is silently chiding her for being a cock-eyed optimist. It just seemed like the right direction, I dunno.

Ha! It's posted;) And I would like to thank you, WWB for giving me a bomb so I didn't have to figure out how to use a sword *yes!*

Hope you all enjoy!

It seems we'll need a new author for chapter #2... anyone up for the challenge?

You may... I'm going to have to start grounding you from projects if you keep backing out of them though;)

Nice start:) Can't wait to see what Mamma's up too...

Punchline? Hardly a funny story...

But I digress, CORNELIUS!! It's good to see you back:) I can't even tell you how happy I was to see your name.

And the story? Awesome... I really felt for the poor little kid. And you did a great job with joe. He feels absolutely no remorse for what he's done, he's only worried about his punishment. That's a really heart stopping feeling, especially when you see it in a kid.

So really well done, and again, glad to have you back!

OOHH! You want me to THINK about what I'm reading? Well that's just silly;)

I guess I just didn't read it the way you meant it. No big deal though, it happens to the best of us.

Here's where I was coming from. Her Ninja clan seems ruthless and I figured the previous raping and whatnot whould have steeled her a bit to emotions and implusiveness (not to mention killing), but I can see how the stones might have been affecting her judgement... I shoulda thought of that.

I'm still confused as to why she even bothered with Teddy since that is what alerted Gray to her presence. If she hadn't touched him, she would have nabbed the stone and been gone without anyone noticing. Again though, with the stones affecting her and the added pressure like you said, I can see her messing up a little. And maybe subconsciously she realizes she'd be safer as a captive on that island than with the 'augmentation' after her.

I promise to think more next time:)

Well go figure, nothing went as planned... I will try again for Sunday though. Sheesh, I might have to kick meself off a project if I don't hurry up:(

I'm not gonna lie, I think that Kamiko was caught too easily. First by Jahlil, then she just broke the other guys nose instead of killing him *?* But I love that Gary and Kamiko know eachother... THAT is a cool twist.

Fantastic Djinndarme:) I love how you fleshed out Gray's character and I really love the little hint that he's, I guess sympathetic (I think that's the word I want) toward the thief because she's woman. I hope that made sense:) Anyway, love it, great job!

Ditto WWB! More! Faster! You're awesome!

Yawn...

Sorry, who are we talking about here?

Why, thank you;)

We'll... I guess, even though I could never match your wit and charm, I'll say this was good and go write the next one.

Well, why don't you just write them then... sheesh.

Oh goody!! I wanna be the heartless hollow bitch... puhleeeze. Oh wait, what am I asking for? I'll just take the next spot. *sticks tongue out and stomps foot*

Vitriol and cus words abound, nicely done Nashvillepeck.. eh, becker;)

OK here’s a good spot to illustrate what I felt was missing:

“Will ran after him and immediately saw something wrong. Inside the door, hanging from the ceiling, were homemade, thatch dolls. They were easily within Will's grasp so he plucked one off the string it was hanging from. It was amazingly detailed and looked strangely familiar. All of a sudden, he remembered Andy.”

That is an insanely creepy image, but you didn’t spend a lot of time on it. What does the ceiling look like that the dolls are hanging from? Is the plaster peeling and dirty? What about the rope? Is it clean, brand new rope? Smeared with grease? Or something else? How is it attached to the ceiling? Big ‘ole dirty nails? Or little colored thumbtacks? And most importantly, what about the dolls? “amazingly detailed” doesn’t tell me a whole lot… go into detail, what about it is familiar? What makes him remember Andy? A noise, something about the doll?

I’m not personally a huge fan of spelling out how my characters are feeling (totally just a personal thing, not saying one way or the other is right), but you can use description and action to let your reader know how to identify with them. I feel like that’s the direction you’re going in…

But like I said, I think you have a great premise and this promises to be a very creepy tale:)

Not bad at all:) Breaking the dialogue up would help. Watch your word choice, at the end I think you probably meant 'expect' not 'suspect'.

The only thing I felt was missing was any emotion. I would imagine Will is scared, but I didn't really feel it. It might just be me though. I'll try reading it again to see if I can put my finger on what's missing.

Overall I thought it was a really good story, good pacing and clear action.

White Stripes are totally not emo...

Well... it seems I have a chapter to write;)If all goes as planned (heh), I'll have it up tomorrow or Wednesday.

Mmmm... wunderbars...*drools*

Hey xfionax:) I liked this continuation. As Agg said it's a very engaging story. I can't wait to read more.

Details, especially when you're trying to describe a person's features, are hard to get right, but you're on the right track it seems:)

I thought it ended too quickly. There is a certain suspense to the story and death by switchblade only shortly after finding it was a little dissapointing. Aside from that, I love that you kept the really casual narration going. It really adds to the piece in my opinion.

I see you might come back with an alternate ending. I'd love to see what you do:)

Hm... interesting development. I think others have stated this, but I do enjoy how you discuss the absurd as though it weren't:) Nice job!

I just kept picturing Buggs Bunny;) Too freaking funny JD!

Haha! I love you too;)

Very funny, who wants to rescue the old ball and chain any way? I love that this guy is so nonchalant about the whole thing. Great continuation:)

Agg said it, enjoyable story, but could be much more enjoyable with some more work. The good thing is, you've got some talent to build on and with some hard work you'll do well:)

Tommy definitely has a tough-guy tone, but some things sound out of place like, "unmarked car". I've seen that said about money, but what does and unmarked car mean... no license plates? That's gonna stick to cops. When you slow down and flesh out your chapters like Aggeloi says, you'll notice details like that. But great chapter, I liked the bit about the knife too. It's a great clue into Tommy's skillset.

You certainly jump right into the action. Definitely needs some fleshing out, more show, less tell, but for a first attempt at writing this is a really good start:) I hope you stick around, there are a lot of really great and helpful writers around here.

Am I the only one who sees this for the fiction it is? Methinks it's a new genre 'fiction of the absurd'. I mean, four guys in one too-ridiculous-to-be-real-house who don't talk to each other because they (apparently) don't get along but have some driving need (or perhaps are ordered) to create terribly written, but still creative fiction. I don't know... I think it's mildly amusing. Take it for what it is, yo and chilax.
-HG- Peace;)

Nice topic JD!

Music: Anything punk: Bouncing Souls, Bad Religion, Gaslight Anthem, Weezer, Pennywise, Dropkick Murphys, old school, new school… it’s all good. Alternative and Indy I like too…Shiny Toy Guns, Airborn Toxic Event, Vampire Weekend, Moldy Peaches. Brit Pop… the Fratellis, Supergrass (freakin’ awesome band!), Arctic Monkeys. Emo… MCR (guilty pleasure, I admit). Screaming stuff… Atreyu, Avenged Sevenfold, Mudvayne. Music rocks… now I’m all pumped up:) My mom raised me on opera and my faves are Carmen and The Magic Flute, but I love Wagner too aaachh and Tchaikovsky. Camille Saint Saens is my favorite composer. And if ya’ll like violins, check out Joshua Bell… he is amazing. What am I forget… Jimi! Gotta have Hendrix, can’t live without him… or Zepplin, which makes me think of the blues… I better just stop… But Howlin’ Wolf and Robert Johnson really have to be mentioned. Ok I’m done now. Promise.

Authors: Henry Miller, because he was unapologetically honest and got banned for and kept on writing anyway. Kurt Vonnegut because he makes you so depressed you can’t stop laughing. Hemmingway for the valuable lesson in economy of words. Jack Kerouac and Dostoevsky for always making cry at the end of their books. And Sherman Alexie and Glen Duncan for being authors who are not dead yet that I don’t feel guilty about reading, Oh! David Sedaris fits in that category too. And dogdeity11 for making me love writing again.

Media: This is going to make me sound like a pompus smartass, but the only show I really watch is Eureka. Other than that it’s all History and Discovery: Patton 360, Battles BC, Warriors, Life After People, How the Earth Was Made, The Universe. Oh I do like Paranormal State and Ghost Hunters and I’m starting to get hooked on Intervention (I know it’s like Jerry Springer with a fake glasses on it to make it look smart… whatever).

But I love random inspiration the best… Like a clip someone sent me of the American Idol finale. I can’t even tell you how creeped out and inspired I was by Celine Dion singing with a hologram of Elvis. The whole white trash/sci-fi/horror angle… it’s good stuff.

Is there a lot of money in that? I could use a new career direction;)

Love it!! I could not for the life of me think of a place to take this, but you did a fantastic job of it:)

Yes, apparently she's been grounded;(

Too funny:) Loved the -out-of-left-fieldishness. I think this is precisely what the Quickies were designed for, Three Cheers!

I have two... There is hope though, one of my crazies turns seven this year and she's mellowing nicely;)

Very odd... It's quirky, well written. Great job!

This funny:) Nice job making the innocent sound sinister.

I'd like to pimp this one by sovietbill9989 http://storymash.com/u/sovietbill9989/vosikiba/

and be sure to read the continuation by groitama (I probably spelled that wrong... but it's a really good second chapter so please read)

HG:)

This is a little confusing, but I think I get the gist of it. It's a great premise, but it could be clearer whether or not the blond woman is his ex-wife. Otherwise great job:)

Well written and very thoughtful:) You did a great job of showing your characters even though your protagonist was telling us about them (hopefully that made sense;)). Anyway I enjoyed it, nice work!

Heh, time I have:) I want to make sure nobody else wants it first though. If it isn't claimed by Friday, I'll do it.

Deal?

Sold! To the brave woman we call hebe:) Good luck!

Haven't heard from Neo. If anyone wants his chapter, let me know:)

SOOO... I haven't heard anything from Neo. Shall we put the final chapter of the Monster Mash up for grabs?

Wow hebe! I had no idea where this would go, but you absolutely surprised me:) Excellent job! I thought your descriptions were great and you obviously did some research which made the story really come alive. Well worth the wait:)

Very nice:) As Cheese said, I can't wait for Rachel and Critzer to meet. Your descriptions were great and everything flowed really well. Very nicely done!

Oh it's an awesomely powerful little word... er... two words:)

Ha! And my grammar could use some work... 'Your comedic timing'. *shakes head in abject humiliation*

I'm not gonna lie.. TPS reports was totally jarring, funny, but jarring. While your characterization, plotting, storytelling, yarn-spinning and all that are near genius.. you're comedic timing could use some work;)

Another great chapter BTW, keep it up!

An interesting way to convey a genetics lesson without cartoons? heh, not possible.

As always Nash has said just about all there is to say... I do want to contest that the proglogue was bothersome. I didn't find it to be. "We've created a God" is pretty vague once you think about it. Could be anything from a sentient being to chemical or technological warfare. It was only a peek behind the curtain before it was yanked closed, no harm done and enough of a view to whet the appetite.

I did, however, share his sentiment that the very technologically advanced apartment Mark lived in was hard to swallow. My coffee maker makes coffee exactly when I want it in the morning too, it's on a timer. Even Mark wonders how technology got so advanced so quickly, which only made me stop and think about it more.

Overall though, I really enjoyed this and I'm hoping you haven't crashed at this point because I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

Ah.. the plot thickens:) Very nice job on the explainations with the stone. Cheap lapis is called denim lapis, it has a higher calcite content and a lighter blue color. But the real dark stuff can get pretty expensive.. Not really worth stealing though, as you said so I love the twist you put in there;) Really nice work with the characters too... this is going to be a very fun competition!

I'm partial to 'fudge'.

I worked with a girl once who said 'schmatz'. I always thought it had a nice ring to it, but I think it means 'kiss' in German so I'm not sure how authentic it is as a curse word:) WWB? Little help?

My dad always says 'uff da'. Which he says is the Norwegian equivalent of 'oh crap' or 'oops' or 'ouch', kind of a catchall I guess.

AWOL is funnier... The thought of his pants running away... it was likely a comedic choice:) Eh... it's also funnier that he had to demean himself. Yeesh, try suspending disbelief when reading fantasy.

Agg, this is great, keep up the good work!

Nice:) And you were worried you wouldn't be able to do this... I thought you did a splendid job Nash! I particularly liked his willingness to bang the old hag;)

Great twist:) This is shaping up to be a very interesting story. Nice job Dawn!

Thanks guys:)

This one's Neo's too... He's been nudged;)

I sent him a nudge...

Nice one Neo:)

Nicely done:) You carried the tone and message well throughout and amped up the tension too. Great job!

Fantastic!!! What an awesome set up, such beautiful descriptions too. Really great writing JD:)

Nice one Cheese:) I love this sicko... I might have to get in on this one too. Great job!

I have a question. Are we writing AS these characters and each chapter is from the 1st person POV? Like a bunch of journal entries?

You freaking rock. And that's possibly an understatement. Fantastic job and well worth the wait, however, I'd rather not wait so long next time so...yeah, write fast;)

Hey dr3arms:) The projects (besides the Quickies) aren't supposed to be added to randomly. They are meant to have planned out storylines where interested writers sign up for their chapters. Right now... the only project I have open spots for is the Zorro project. Check it out and let me know if you are interested. If you are post it on the Zorro forum and I'll add you to the line-up.

Otherwise, if you have an idea for a project you think might be cool, send me an email at melissa@storymash.com and maybe we can put it up on the Projects Page.

As for the horse, I put in there that it was muddy. I figured Tigasis wouldn't worry too much about why the horse tripped because of the mud and then its injury occupied his thoughts. I wanted this incedent to be major enough to slow him up, but not so earth shattering that he would immediatly suspect that he was being toyed with. I was hoping that since he was touching the necklace Adrinna gave him right when he fell that the reader would make the connection. I shoulda made it more obvious I guess.. my bad:(

I totally goofed on the bronze though, good catch. Leonidas was king around like 480BC, so well after the bronze age ended. Ah well.. as you said, they can't all be masterpieces:)

Heh- bugs make me cower in fear, maybe they are God. Good thinking Cheese.

That is a great idea... Stories can go in so many directions and another writer may have just the key to unlocking your premise for you. Good thinking RSummers:)

I like it!! A female ninja? the possibilities are endless. Fantastic story Djinn.

Good luck to both of you... This is already shaping up to be a tough story;)

Interesting... I don't know that much about wills, but what happens if she doesn't marry the guy? I know there was that movie where Chris O'Donnel had to marry a girl in order to get all his grandfather's money, but what's the catch here? It doesn't seem like there is anything to force her to even meet the guy.

Overall I think it's an interesting premise, but there's no real tension. If she and her father were dirt poor/homeless and this was the only way they'd get the house and belongings, the story would make more sense. But I enjoyed it, and I'm definitely interested in reading more. Nice work!

Fantastic ;) I'm brimming with questions that need answers.
I echo the others, write more!

Ah... you're too kind:)

But I see your point, this is not the genre for subtle mystery *clobbers keyboard* Ahhh.. that felt good;)

Would that I could go with out announcing it to the world... chapter 3 is posted... *sigh*

Eh... I'll be the first to admit, it ain't my best work. I don't know quite why, but this genre completely hog-tied my brain. Go figure;)

This is a really good premise. I think you have the beginnings of a good writer:) One thing you might want to try is more show, less tell. You're tellin me all about this woman's life. But I'm not really identifying with her. Try imagining each stage she goes through as a story within the story. Show us her last lover, show us the break up. Show us scenes of her in her house. Does she talk to her neighbors at all? Does she ever go to the store, the post office? Show us all of that and it will deepen the story. But really great job though, keep up the good work:)

Eh... ok so yesterday (after a few jack and cokes for inspiration) I figured out how to get meself unstuck:) *yes!* Now I just have to accomplish the unsticking.

Sweet! xfionax, you're in and we have filled all the spots:)
#1-Hebe
#2-LadyV
#3-l554446l
#4-SwanMartyrdom
#5-xfionax
#6-WBScott

Yeah, it's foo. If you can get ahold of her, hopefully you can log in and read some of the info. But if not, I guess you'll have to spend some time with google and charge out on your own;)

Check Sybil out, she's quite the man nabber:) Nice job!

Nick and Nora are cute though, nice job despite the lapse in consistency;)

Oh... I love this story:)

I miss your writing, that's for sure:) Great... well, whatever it is it's awesome in that mindnumbing now-I-have-to-ponder-reality-all-day-and-won't-accomplish-anything kind of way.

Chapter 4 goes to SwanMartyrdom:) welcome to the
project!

Of course you are:)

How does it go? Ladies don't kiss and tell?

Ohhh... that's cool. This could go so many places. I'm with Neo, I'm insanely curious right now. Will this Goo take over the planet? Awesome job JD:)

Oh see that is exactly why I don't eat fish... you just never freaking know... yuck! It was a little unclear at times, but still the premise is great:)

Wow! That's was incredible. The ambiance, the stories... really great writing E_Dub!

Hey, hey! You rock LadyV!

That's cool.. I don't know if I'm brave enough to do that:)

I've checked out a few of the freelance writing websites... And I find that I can spend my whole day sifting through them without ever settling on one "job". What's the best way to know what jobs to go for? And I'm assuming one needs a portfolio. Are sites like Helium.com and Constant-Content.com, where you can post articles as opposed to fiction, good places to get a portfolio started?

I'm halfway done... but I'm stuck so I'll probably let it simmer and finish tomorrow. This genre is much harder than I thought it would be. Kudos to WBS for the challenge:)

So we have a new line-up:)
#1- WBS
#2- Aggeloi
#3- Honey
#4- Nash
#5- LadyV
#6- WWB

OH Sweet! I always wanted to be famous enough to have a stalker;)

OH man... Aggeloi! Amazing, really amazing. I don't know how to say it differently than it's already been said, but this is superb writing and, well... I'm more than a little intimidated about writing the next chapter. *yikes*

Oh crap... that means I'm up *gulp*.

Very sick indeed...

You think it's me huh? Well, I plead the fifth;)

I like this story, the premise is cool and I like the characters. The formatting made it a little hard to read at times, but that may not have been your fault. The vendor did not read female to me at all, in fact I didn't even think about the vendor's gender. If you had written the vendor the way you did, but added in some inuendo from the kid... I might have been more curious. Still, good story:)

Nice depth:) I'm glad you re-hashed this, you did a great job!

Hey thanks... I have absolutely no idea either where it could go. But I'm glad you like it!!

Hey Hebe! You didn't forget us did you? I can't wait to read your opening chapter... so come on already;)

SO... the next two spots are open for this one. Any takers?

Evil genius... Nice work, Nash:)

Creepy.. this is another really good premise that could be fleshed out into a great story. Again, well done!

Interesting... definitely like to see it fleshed out, nice work:)

Ah ha! See, a mess can still happen. Mashing rocks;) Great job Linden!

OHH! Fantastic WBS! absolutely a stroke of genius:)

OH it can still get messy, BTW;) Great job WWB!

My, my, what a great continuation:) Glad you jumped into this one!

Awesome.. I'm so glad you're going to turn this into a real story. It definitely deserves it:)

Eh... I hate being a tease. I had to finish it off, so to speak;)

Welcome to StoryMash:) This is really well done. You have great descriptions and the multiple storylines are all very intriguing. I hope to read more, great job!

OK, it's creative, as I said, and parts are really funny. I'm assuming that the spelling and punctuation are atrocious on purpose, but where this is going I'm not sure. I think there is a great premise for a story here, but as it is, with no real interatcion between the two Anton's, I'm losing interest.

It's creative that's for sure:) I see there's more...

So what are you waiting for;)

Awesome, just awesome:)

or my cats' hate them... sheesh.

That's exactly why I don't have house plants, my cat's hate them:) Nice job WBS!

I have a feeling this is going to get really messy.

Love that last line:) Very nicely done!

For some reason I hear people chanting "Jerry! Jerry!" in my head. Can this Springer episode get any naughtier?

Oh... that's just mean!

Give up coffee? That's just silly:)I like what you did with the 10 minute theme. I hadn't thought of that. Nice job!

Yuck... good job with the imagery, I totally had to take a deep breath and control the gag reflex. Very nice:)

I'm quite sure Gunther gave me nightmares... I'd say you live up to your own expectations:)

Oooh! Ooohh! I want to be a minion! I could learn much from you, oh Mistress of Mash;)

This was freaking amazing by the way...

Hmm... very nice:)

This should be good... I'm rubbing my hands together in glee and anxiously awaiting this duel. I suspect we shall indeed find out that the pen is mightier than the sword;)

Weird... but I like it:) Nice work!

OMG Mari that was awesome:)

Prius? An evironmentally conscious pervert? I love it.

Fantastic:)

But HOW did you conjure him... I need that pen!

My, my, my such depravity... I take full blame though. I didn't HAVE to call it "Quickie".

Holy... uh.. very good Cheese;)

Humor and angst:) Nicely done!

Nice job Cheese:) Only one thing confused me, the date at the top was 1990 but then it was George as a young man. I probably just totally missed something. And being a little confused didn't alter my enjoyment at all. I thought you did a great job of kind of focusing all the threads and giving the story direction. Very well done:)

Now I just have to get writers for the last chapters:)

Email me at melissa@storymash.com:)

I'd say don't even worry about the wiki, just do your own thing at this point.

I know I want to post something too. I'm so anal (about writing WWB... don't even go there) I don't know if I can make myself stick to ten minutes.

I think rushed is just the right word. This story is lacking ambiance. I know where the Jack the Ripper Murders took place, but I'm not feeling any of that atmosphere in this story. It's all just dialogue and plot. Don't get me wrong, this premise is fantastic, but the story needs some fleshing out.

Awesome, I agree with WWB though, this part felt rushed. Still it's a really interesting story. I'm on to chapter 4:)

What a great story. I have no idea where you're going with it, but I'm really interested to find out.

So awesome mari! I have the funniest visual right now:)

Oh, this is going somewhere bad:)

Ace and Sav this project is already producing some interesting results:) Glad you thought of it!

I liked this too, very honest and raw. Nice work:)

I had to get a phone with a full key board so I could write a proper text. And usually, if I'm writing a longer comment, I'll write it in Word so I can spell check. It totally bothers me how lazy people are where communication is concerned.

You're right it's really sad that the younger generation isn't being taught self respect or respect for things like language. I think teachers are exhausted. I have a friend who teaches and she gets no budget, has way too many kids in her class, and works under the constant stress of getting her budget trimmed even more. Add to that the fact that in most families both parents work and probably don't have the time or energy to help kids with homework and it's just going to be a disaster.

Wow, did you really play with Willie Nelson? That's so cool... I love that "Blue eyes crying in the rain..." song.

Hey demeonte:) Welcome to StoryMash! We run these on a first come first served basis so I can't give you CH1 or CH6, but if you'd like 4 or 5 you can have one of those. Just let me know which one.
-Honeygloom

I'm so glad you guys are signing up for this one:)I'm going to give LadyV chapter 2 until she confirms that's for sure what she wants.

#1-Hebe
#2-LadyV
#3-l554446l
#4-
#5-
#6-WBScott

Exactly:)

Duh, sorry about that. Sheesh I guess if I had taken a minute I could have figured that out. Sorry:(

Yuck. Don't even know what to say... maybe try developing an ankle fetish?

Well, it's interesting to say the least. You have some imagination, dr3arms;)

Yes, to clarify, there are six chapters so you're signing up for a chapter not a character so you can write your chapter however you see fit;)

I'll give I554446I chapter 3 if that's OK.

LadyV, let me know what chapter you want.

#1-
#2-
#3-I554446I
#4-
#5-
#6-

Yes! The first Quickie is... um... finished;) Nice job WWB.

The final lineup is as follows:
#1- WBS
#2- Cheese
#3- Honey
#4- Aggeloi
#5- LadyV
#6- WWB

I don't see why this couldn't be continued if someone had some inspiration:)

And if someone has another idea for a Penny Dreadful they could start a new one there too...

Chapter 5 is yours LadyV:)

Plucked from the brain of Heretowrite, this strange little idea stuck me immediately as a challenge StoryMash authors would relish. You’ve no doubt seen the rules, but here they are again… In six chapters write the story of the following protagonists:
• A boy, who grows his own papyrus and makes his own paper
• A girl, who writes (one would imagine on the papyrus paper)
• A swamp monster, who lives with the papyrus


Glub, glub, sign up quick, don’t let this lovely idea drown!

Of course you may have chapter 6 WWB:)

One rule! Don’t spend more than ten minutes on your chapter. Start a new story, continue a story, but don’t spend more than ten minutes…

Any questions? Post them below.

Wow! I don't think I took a breath the whole way through. As WWB said, you are really, really, really good at suspense. I hope you keep writing this one too:)

Not bad at all... just a couple things.

The conversation with her father was a little confusing. First she says he's "fatherly" but then it turns out he is her father. Then the bit about Jeff possibly being her father and how she got her name was confusing too. You cleared it up later, but just so you know, that scene was a little muddled.

Then there is Kris' wardrobe... I love it when guys write women. When she's getting dressed in her apartment she puts a tight body glove OVER a bra, panties, and garter belt. That would look very silly, you'd see all the underwear lines right through the tight fabric. No woman would do that. Then later she's wearing a dress and no body suit.

As far as the storyline I think it's a cool story. I'm off to read the rest:)

I guess that makes me a sadist and a masochist;)

Lovely poem, HFW:)

I really like this premise, but your grammar needs a lot of work.

Woefully short, hope to read more from you in the future as I'm very intruiged;)

Nothing wrong with infamy, my friend. I will indeed take your chapter three:)

So we've got:
#1- WBS
#2- Cheese
#3- Honey
#4- Aggeloi
#5
#6

OK, you sold me:) I really didn't know what you had in mind or even how to propose this as a project, but this is a great story. I'll ask the site developer to move this to the Projects Page.

Thanks WBS!

Messed up! I totally got chills reading this. And now all I want to know is how that head got downstairs under the floor boards. OK well, there are other things I want to know too, but I'll just imagine...Too freaking creepy, theblackhand:)

I spotted a few tense shifts, just so ya know.

Heh... cumdumpster, one of my faves;) I want backstory Cheese. Why's this anger righteous? I like it, gimme more will ya?

Way too nice;)

Actually I like that you included this snippet of Amanda's home life, it helped humanize her. I agree with Aggeloi though, I think you should have drawn it out a bit, shown us their next meeting, show her stringing him along maybe. Which you could still do if you add another chapter.

Over all a very nice story though, well done!

Thanks Mari!

Incredible:) I really can't wait to see where this goes. You really are an excellent writer.

Oh I am so hooked! I don't know how I missed this before... on to the next:)

Language is personal style isn't it?. Some people (me for one) just can't do the flowery stuff. I thought for the type of story this is the language fit just fine.

I've never been published either so I'm also not an expert. I'm getting laid off soon though and plan to try and make writing my new career *gulp*. I read an article on CNN.com about people who have self-published and then been picked up by ligitimate publishers. I doubt this happens frequently, but it is something to keep in mind in this changing market. (http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/04/06/print.on.demand.publishing/index.html)

Hopefully this link still works...

Does it mean something that I always save your stories to read when I'm at work and have to be quiet? This one is so short, but has so much impact. Amazingly erotic as always, great job Mako;)

Curious little piece. I'm assuming the Fly is really the protagonist and he shoots himself?? If so, I'd like to know what his back story is. How he got to such a state so young. Nice work though, really well done:)

Interesting start, the build up is great, and the hook definitely leaves me wanting more. Great job!

Wow Ace, you're so lucky you aren't blind. What a horrible but totally entertaining story. Great description and emotion. I was getting claustrophobic in my cubicle just reading it. Really nice job!

And now I'm totally going to have to go home and set peanut butter on fire;)

Welcome to SM, Linden! I like this premise. The focus, of course, is on his character. But we see a lot about Amanda's character as well. Great job!

Eh... nobody's read Faust? Nice take on an old classic, but what happened to the soul selling bit? That's a critical part of the story right? I like that Father Austin is a benevolent A-hole. Too funny:)Nice work, Neo!

Sheesh, this is great Dawn! I'm totally engrossed in this family. Keep it up, seriously:)

Hey mari! It's good to see you back. I just realized I hadn't seen your name in awhile:) I like your continuation, the flashback still leaves us with some mystery but gives hints of why the protagonist is perched on a clif. Great job!

Hey Kiddo:) I have a couple of nits for you. One is did the mirror shatter? She was very methodical about bandaging her hand, but not cleaning up the glass. Also fresh blood doesn't smell. It doesn't smell putrid anyway and probably wouldn't for a day or two.

The other thing was the time-line in the last three paragraphs. It's been 3 months since he left, 4 months since she found out she was pregant, and 5 months (I'm assuming) since the baby was conceived. Morning sickness normally stops around the 4th month. Of course everyone is different, but morning sickness isn't even the point. The point is, you can use the fact that she still has morning sickness to tell the reader how long she's been pregnant. Most people know that morning sickness is an early pregnancy thing so we can assume she hasn't been pregnant long and we don't need the whole time line spelled out. Stuff like that interrupts the flow of the story and takes some of the mystery and fun out of reading.

With all that said, I think this is a good start. A pregnant lady punching mirrors and cutting up her hands is odd, shows this protagonist might have more to her than your typical weepy "woman scorned". I'm interested enough at this point to keep reading. Nice job!

I like the honesty in this. Not every one would be comfortable admitting they yell at blind people:) Very nice!

Nice continuation Dawn, I like that she is talking to him to keep him from falling asleep (at least I thought that's what was happening). You kept up the same stream of consciousness feel too. Great job!

Nice work Peppz:) I love the social commentary your descriptions were so great. I could totally see myself in that situation. Again, very nicely done.

Wow! I mean, WOW! Wasps, bombs, Grundula, I loved it all. Really, really great job!!

Aggeloi! This was so funny. I totally failed calculus in high school (I’m not even sure how I got there actually) because I wrote short stories during class. Chemistry gave me similar trouble, but I think I managed a B. I wish I had had your ability to multitask, I might have fared better:) Thanks for your confessions!

Ah that's a shame... I feel like there must be an artist in you somewhere, aching to break free.

Hey Neo:) Nice continuation. I like the cat and the weird landlord. I agree with WWB, some of the dialogue was stilted. I know I always sound crazy saying this, but try saying your dialogue out loud. Chances are if it sounds odd when you say it out loud, it'll read funny on paper too. Overall though a really nice job:)

Hey, welcome back stranger!! I love this premise:) I wonder who'll end up dead? The POV switch was a little disconcerting, maybe breaking up with a line or something would help. Otherwise really nice work. I totally enjoyed it Dawn:)

You know what they say... Good things come to those who wait:)

Well, it's worth a lot to WWB... Maybe out on the street I couldn't get so much, but you gotta know your buyer in these situations.

First name is 5 grand. Unmarked bills, small denominations. Last name is 7 grand since it's a more valuable "people finding" tool. Email me...

*grin*

I liked this, very emotive and deep. I hope you delve into this character a little more. Nice job:)

Hey Keyser:) I have to say this didn't seem as carefully written as your other peices. The protagonist says he's 32, 34, & 36 in different places in the story for example.

A little messiness aside, I love the premise. I thought the scene in the airport was so beautifully uncomfortable I really felt bad for Alex. And then they get shot at... I was not expecting that. But it's awesome. I really enjoyed it.

Oh yeah, and the font, yikes!

I'm not a huge fan of dream sequences, to me they seem like the easy way out. With that said, I like your style and I like that this isn't a simple break-up, that something darker is going on. Over all nice work and welcome to the site!

As much as saying this pains me, I agree with Nash. This premise is so funny, just jump right in. You have what seems like it will be a fantastic and unbelieveable story and I'm dying for you to get to it. With that said, write quickly... I wanna know about Maureen;)

Woah momma! I'd say some time off did you good. Glad you're back and with such a great story too:)You've created potential for tension and drama in quite a few places. You're characters are interesting... all over good stuff. Keep it up!

Oh... *sniffle* great job JD. A perfect snapshot of the agony of love lost. The puzzle stuck out to me too as a really telling detail.

Nothing to be sorry about Johnboy. I'm a terrible poet myself and probably would have done exactly what you did:)

Oh, you're too kind. And I'm flattered you found time out of your busy stat-crunching schedule to read;)I am definitely considering a re-write of this one. It was off-the-cuff, but I like it's potential so thanks for the vote of confidence.

JD! I think we must be long lost twins. I can't tell you how often my dialogue in stories gets acted out in front of a mirror before it goes on paper. I wonder if the good head doctors of the world have a name for that psychosis;)

My barbies got mohawks and badly drawn sharpie tattoos though…

Nice, you definitely do know how to build suspense. Great job!

My favorite, funny and disturbing;) Well done, madmaudlin, well done.

I was trying to master suspense... did I dawdle too long? Pity. You know I had a professor once who said that suspense is nothing but a mean trick. I have to say I don’t agree at all. Suspense is lovely. I imagine you all right now, on your comfy leather desk chairs (or perhaps those ghastly, efficient looking ergonomic ones) with your knees drawn up to your chests. Hearts thumping, brows covered in sticky sweat… ok sorry, Djinndarme won *applause*.

Congratulations, Djinn, I bestow upon you the right to brag!

Love it! What a fantastic little world you've created. And you so expertly craft your protagonist too. I just have two questions: Is there a 'write faster' aura? And can it be sent via the web?

Not at all WBScott…. Email away!

Brutal as always. I agree with Cheese I wish you would've advanced the plot a wee bit further, but still, very well done. I enjoyed it;)

It'll be chapters definitely, but I'm not sure how many. Better get working on your opening chapter so you're all ready to post when the contest opens (and no, I don't know when that will be:p).
*giggle* I might have to change my name.. honeychile, I like it!

Hey all! Check out Twitter.com/storymash for new info.
-HoneyG:)

The stars are approximately your score, I can contact the site developer to get the details on this photo finish down to the last decimal (mixed metaphor intentional, I'm feeling rakish today)if that suits everyone...

Shadinah and Neo, you can both feel free to change tense and POV if you need to.
-HoneyG

OK, yours are:
#1- He was a pretentious old fart, she’d never loved anyone more.
#2- OK, so she might have loved the dog more.

Goodness, sorry... I didn't expect my Easter holiday to be so dramatic. Ah-hem, but, dear Neo without further ado, your sentences:
#1- My favorite line from Shakespeare had something to do with an old man having copious amounts of blood, more than expected actually.
#2- Who needs bloody Shakespeare anyway?
I know you like gore...hope you also like theater;)

Hey there heretowrite:) send me an email at melissa@storymash.com
and I'll give you the details.
- honeygloom

No worries Neo:) But honestly, I'm very curious to find out what this fictional item is you've come up with. So... um... yeah, hurry it up will ya;)

It's hard to get a reader to follow you through a lecture. This whole conversation could be "shown" in a really great story. As it is, it's more of an essay on relationships, and to be honest they aren't earth shattering viewpoints. That's the beauty of storytelling, you get the chance to show your readers a microcosm of true emotion. But 'show', don't 'tell'.

I hope you post more on the site, I think you've defintely got skills:)

This chapter felt more like a journal entry. When your protagonist was talking to himself in the mirror I couldn't help but think a buddy would have been a better option. Someone to answer the questions. You seem like you have a good sense of humor so the repartee would have worked well. Overall though I enjoyed it.

Great chapter Wheelz. Honest and simple, but full of humor. Nice work:)

Awe, thanks all *blush*

OK now I'm even more impressed. Out of one image you created this whole universe? Incredible. I'm just as interested in the journey as the conclusion, which is a very good thing:)

Wow! A definite nail biter, Ace. Definitely great description and great action. And there was such sweet tenderness mixed in with all the action, very well done:)

Eh... dkk hasn't been on in awhile. I can take this over and make up some sentences for you, Neo & Shadinah, if that's cool with everyone.

Yes, take your time. We will all gladly wait for a fantastic chapter from the master of horror himself;)

Very nice:) I'm going to echo WWB, kind of. I'm just a little confused about the setting of this story. Are these kids in high school? College? The guy (shmatz! I forgot his name) is leaving without much trouble. If he's still in high school I think that's called running away. But he says something about Mandy being hunted down by her father if she leaves "his care" which leads me to think they ARE still in high school.

This is where you talking so much about being in high school kind of hurts you. If I didn't know your background I might read this as a couple of kids out of high school, but in a small enough town where her father is just old fashioned and protective. But with all the background you've given me on you, the high school angle immediatly pops into my head. Just something to think about...

Otherwise I think this is really good. You are really improving as far as characterization and thinking your plots out. I think you are also tackling some subjects closer to your experience which is good too. Overall very well done:)

The project rules aren't posted anywhere. Basically when a project is posted you claim your chapter on the corresponding forum. If all the chapters are claimed I'll put you down as an alternate.

I think the only project with an opening right now is the children's story, Zorro. It needs an author for chapter 3.

If you have any other questions or project ideas, please feel free to shoot me an email at melissa@storymash.com:)

Very intriguing... I'm definitely getting involved in this story. I like the new characters and developments. Great job dr:)

I love how open to interpretation you left this. Thinking about it is as rewarding as reading it. Great job Jack:)

Wow JD, I have echo the others, your imagry was very powerful. The juxtoposition of the storm and a torrid love affair, awesome. Really great job:)

Thanks guys and gals:) I wrote the first paragraph right after I got my assignment and then when I picked it up again yesterday I completely forgot where I was going... my muse must have been in a strange mood yesterday. I'm glad you all liked it:)

I had this feeling like I was missing something. I checked your profile and here it is, the missing piece. Hopefully for Yuan-Tei his archers are loyal and don't rat him out:) But maybe for us, as readers, it would be a good thing. Either way I seriously love this story.

Sav, this storyline is so awesome! I can't wait to have the whole thing bound with a pretty cover when you publish it. The dream sequence didn't bother me at all. As Ace said it served as a nice bookend. Can't wait for more:)