OK, so I disagree with Nash. I can totally see reading the AP version of this story on my phone while I drink my tea in the AM. And real life people rarely ever have the depth of the literary ones. The action specific style gave me just enough insight into your characters to know that Dennis isn't a wife-beating **** who likes Tucker Carlson and cries during olympic ice dancing. He's just your average, run of the mill, **** with no self-control. And that's OK in a plot driven story. I've met all of these people somewhere, and I can fill in the blanks. Pausing before Ray plunges a knife into Dennis' chest to tell me she prefers moths to butterflies, just slows the action down. And her real-life equivalent probably doesn't notice either lepidoptera when they flit sans glitter into her sphere.

Also, in the spirit of being contrary, I don't agree with rico76sgirl about a wrap up either. Ray will probably hook up with the first dude she sees in a bar and get help claiming the fake ticket. But her story will only end one of two ways (I'm thinking death or prison) and I'm comfortable not knowing the details.

In short, well done, 11. Certainly a well executed experiment in backward, plot driven story telling.

And Nash is more long winded than intimidating, but I can see how the two traits might get confused.

My favorite stories are the ones with hateful characters that you still somehow have too root for. Very well done:)

Is it wrong to hate Ray more than Dennis?

It's not a winning ticket! You're an evil genius, a very evil genius.

Why the hell did she tell him? Honestly, sometimes people make no sense. But I love that she did:)

If Anthony bought the ticket with cash, she might be free and clear... long as she lives under the radar in Latvia or something. If he bought it with a card she'll never be able to claim the money... so for what it's worth, I think the story is going in just the right direction.

Oh Holy Master of Tension, I praise thee:) I'd say more, but chapter 2 awaits.

I am what I am, man. I'm not going to change and I'm certainly not going apologize to you for it.

Isn't that what the hippies did? Sit around smoking pot and thinking and ending up doing nothing. The piece is lyrical and like Eleven said it seems conflicted. Although I fail to see the wisdom in it, I like it. Nicely done.

Ok it's super short, I know. But I think I managed to give the plot a nudge forward. I hope my 'clue' makes sense:)