Ok, no metaphors, just plain 'ol writers lingo... This is the penultimate chapter in a heist story. I did my job and ushered the protagonists to their denoument. From here, Wolfram can decide whether they fail or succed. This chapter is one of two with a ticking clock attached. Too much exposition, too many distractions, too many added plot elements destroy the pacing. So, like I said, concise. Meh.

Smooth like brie, Cheese. I, too, loved the reference to Sisyphus. And there's nothing wrong with short, other than we get shorted on your wit:)

Arg! I forgot about the variables. *slaps forehead* I read straight through without commenting and the wrote immediately and totally forgot. Ah, well...

Anyway, loved your chapter. I totally echo Nash, you've executed these characters admirably. I kept seeing Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa every time Bill appeared... Loved it:)

Not short, Nashville, concise. And it's just my style; always leave them wanting more;)

I did it! I finished my chapter! Sorry it took so long, I hope you like it:) *bowing ever so graciously*

Wow! I'm glad I don't have to wrap this baby up. way to up the ante, Foo:)

My, my, my, quite the cast of characters. I'd expect nothing less:) excellent work, Nash!

I'll do it if I can write in my jammies...
#5=Venezuela

OK, so I disagree with Nash. I can totally see reading the AP version of this story on my phone while I drink my tea in the AM. And real life people rarely ever have the depth of the literary ones. The action specific style gave me just enough insight into your characters to know that Dennis isn't a wife-beating **** who likes Tucker Carlson and cries during olympic ice dancing. He's just your average, run of the mill, **** with no self-control. And that's OK in a plot driven story. I've met all of these people somewhere, and I can fill in the blanks. Pausing before Ray plunges a knife into Dennis' chest to tell me she prefers moths to butterflies, just slows the action down. And her real-life equivalent probably doesn't notice either lepidoptera when they flit sans glitter into her sphere.

Also, in the spirit of being contrary, I don't agree with rico76sgirl about a wrap up either. Ray will probably hook up with the first dude she sees in a bar and get help claiming the fake ticket. But her story will only end one of two ways (I'm thinking death or prison) and I'm comfortable not knowing the details.

In short, well done, 11. Certainly a well executed experiment in backward, plot driven story telling.

And Nash is more long winded than intimidating, but I can see how the two traits might get confused.

My favorite stories are the ones with hateful characters that you still somehow have too root for. Very well done:)