Discussion of "The Sound Machine: Bentley" by hologram

Excellent dialog and very natural temporary return to normalcy. I like the individualized hypnosis idea and the factory controller. Reminds me of Orwells 1984.

Creepy!! I loved the little man at Bentley. You opened this up wide for the next person, there are so many places to go from here! I liked that you started to develop Alex’s character too. Nice work:)

hologram~ I too liked your direction with the storyline, however I felt like the short chapters within the chapter changed the tone of the story and created a real broken feel for me as a reader. I think you could have accomplished the same progression in the storyline without them.
All the same, I enjoyed it and loved your leave.
I voted a four.

Thank you, DogGod. I agree about the breakup of my chapter; I'm not great about following someone else's style. And, wow, it's hard to write in the present tense! Thanks again. I appreciate your input.