I haven't been back to Swift's. Monday I had every intention of going, but I looked at the schedule and it was closed. I knew They were closed; I'd looked before and noted that it was closed on odd days like another organic foods restaurant in another city I had lived in.
It was easy though, for the time I hid that sheltering ace from myself, to plan going to Swift's and giving that gift to Her and eating my cake.
I didn't go the next day or today, I knew They were open; I didn't make plans to go. I got an email, Ilean is going to be the featured Poet at some place on Friday. Maybe I can talk to Her, I've actually been introduced to Her; maybe She has a boyfriend or girlfriend - maybe She's inaccessibly famous now or reclusive, eccentric... I could go and watch Her...just like everyone else in the crowd.
There's not really much distinction at this point. I don't really know either of Them and, in large part, one has become a very welcome distraction from the (impending introduction and interaction with the) other.
-But I have every intention of going and being there. I am a member of the Poetry (writing) community here, if nothing else. I've read some of Ilean's poems and have a genuine interest in it. It's at a venue new to Me ... I'm going if I can get a ride.
I've nearly stopped reading Specimen Tank -I reached this point, a coinciding of the flows of reality and fiction- This seemingly realistic and possibly psuedo-true auto-biography style book seems to have suddenly turned into science fiction.
I am listening to wind shear the corner of the building I live in, whistling in the crevices of the window frame. I am thinking of a day at work tomorrow, will I be rained on while walking from the bus stop to the store.? Can I soothe the individuals who have expectations regarding Me? Will I be hugged again in that way that is not only about comfort, affection, greeting, but also about sharing your body and becoming intimate with another's?
everything is reaching toward something right now in my life.
The things that present themselves for Me now are: finding a new place to live; finishing training for my new job; finishing the hiring process for an alternate position that may provide a future position; looking forward to Friday; hoping that, that most important and delicate of choices will be made for Me and with nurturing consummation.