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Discussion of "If You Loved Me" by heidiho

1 hebe6405 8 years, 5 months ago Reply

The beginning reads like a report rather than a story. All the facts are stated, which is good, but a differnt approach to setting up the scene would make it more interesting.
I liked the description of the people in New York - specifically, the briefcase carrying people wearing running shoes. Also, the setting of the scene in the restaurant was nice with the smell of cinnamon and flowers.
The conversations were rather shallow. One way to add some character to the conversation might be to put in an example of Izzy's songs - instead of having Eddy ask her to read him the songs and she does...
When she leaves the restaurant, Izzy's eyes fill with tears... why?
It wasn't bad...but it wasn't good... it's lacking details and insights into the characters - emotions, motivations... Keep writing

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