Discussion of "Ban of Beef" by hebe6405

No more steaks! That's just warped! I like it!

Horrible idea for a law. Great idea for a story. I'm going for a burger...

WBScott and djinn - thank you for the reads and comments. Means a lot to me.

"All of life’s sorrows could no longer be solved with a pint of Cherry Garcia©."
SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!!

And Tasmine - Tofu is made from soybeans, which, contrary to popular belief, are found in nature.

Ah... but the way that the soybeans are chemically treated and processed to make tofu is far from natural.

:) Thank you for the read, and the emotional reaction.

I like the beef... geddit?

To clarify, I wasn't suggesting your comments were personal - I don't have anything against you - and I'm not quite sure where all the hostiliy came from. I hope you feel the same way towards me, because you're clearly very talented.

;) I geddit

Thanks for reading. I never intended for there to be any hostility - I hadn't felt it, so I'm assuming I somehow accidentally created it. Damn internet.

Great concept! I'm interested to see where it's going.

Love it!

Spacealien and Wendy, thanks for reading and commenting. It feels good to be read.

I wonder if all the people that leave comments even read the stories? Some of the comments I have read on different stories are WAY off (most from the same person)...

Although the concept for a story is original and you thought very far out as to the repercussions of such an ordinace, I find too many things wrong with it to rate it higher than a 1.5.

If you are going to write in narrative form, stick to it throughout the entire story...or make the switch to 1st person pov seemless. Do not interject feelings, emotions or thoughts into the characters...allow the characters to come alive...give us some monologue or dialouge with descriptive gestures.

In the start, you had the FDA issue its opinion in the matter. Before we knew it, a bill was passed. When did the opionions of the FDA convert to a bill?

The rest of the story seemed a tad more "news reportish" until the end when you unveiled your evil character....whom we know nothing of.

Could be alot better. Definately original.

Persephonie, I'm not sure I understand your criteria for scoring stories. I reviewed your recent comments to others, and there's a similar context to many of them.

Looks like I'll have to re-read my story, because I don't remember going into 1st person POV. I was aiming for 3rd person omniscient; but I don't know my POV's super-duper well.

As a "chapter one," my intention was to not bog down the reader with too many unnecessary details of how bills become laws or make political declarations. I wanted to introduce a smattering of characters and concentrate on showing the effects of extremist thinking.

Thank you for your input. I'll consider your suggestions.

Persephonie, I hope you don't take this as an attack, but...

You are judging people on their personal styles. If all the great authors followed one formula to writing, we would not have the great classic we have today. You are constantly writing that 1st person POV is better. Says who? You? If it was the only way people should write, there would be no such things as the other POVs. There is no one correct way to write things, unless you become inconsistant...which brings me to my next point.

You say here (and in alot of others comments) that they switch POV. I cannot find where this was done in this story, or mine. Is that just something you put in all critiques? Do you actually read these stories? If you are going to accuse someone of inconsistancies in tense or POV, give an example.

Why does someone need to stick to narrative form throughout? Maybe the beginning was like a background type of thing....movies have them in text at the beginning of them, why can't stories? Again, this is a style.

And nowhere did the story say it became a law because of the FDA. It was a list of events so to speak...with perhaps the FDA influencing things (ephedra was outlawed temporarily due to FDA influence).

A 1.5 really? I don't understand why you are voting everyone so low. You are attacking his writing style only, as there is nothing wrong with his story other than the fact that he did not follow the generic story writing formula that we were taught to follow in 4th grade.

Good thing not everyone else on here is voting yours a 1.5 or 2 just because you narration was wrong, or because you wrote in 2st person instea of THEIR preferred 3rd person, or because you are still following the generic "How to write a story for dummies" formula (not calling you a dummy - saying you are not being very adventurous in your style).

"Definately original" (as you said) alone should have warranted this a 3, even if it was full of spelling and grammar errors. The fact that is was not, and was in fact written with great creative style, I voted it a 4.5.

TYPO! Before you rate my comment as a .5, I will correct myself:

Good thing not everyone else on here is voting yours a 1.5 or 2 just because your narration was wrong, or because you wrote in 2st person (SHOULD HAVE BEEN 1ST PERSON) instead of THEIR preferred 3rd person

Persephonie:
Once again I apologize for getting way out of line. I believe much of what I said above, but I had no right to attack you the way I did.

Persephonie, I love ya, but you're driving me crazy with this first person POV thing. I didn't notice a switch at all. And an omniscient narrator knows all and is allowed to tell all: emotions, actions, silent prayers to god, even bowel movements if necessary. It's been done by many a famous author. And the story is satire. Did George Orwell's animals really revolt and take over the farm? No, but it gave us all something to think about. Relax a little babe, I like having you around. I don't want you to have a stroke because you're taking this all TOO seriously.
-Peace, Honey

And to Hebe- I love this. It's really funny, very well thought out, and well written. And my favorite part... it made me stop and think. That, is always a good thing;)

Honeygloom, that is an excellent complement. I had many ideas prior to writing regarding how people would be hurt by this ban. As I was writing it, I suddenly realized my cats are fairly particular in their food requirements and the corn-based food would ruin their lives. I'm thrilled that others are reacting.

I also appreciate the defense of the POV discussion. Thank you - and thanks go to Wendy too.

I like this: you're taking the PETA position that all use of animals is wrong and extrapolating it to a worldwide disaster. It's basically an animal rights dystopia. I think it's successful as is, although I would prefer to start out with the introduction of your characters - themselves representations of the ramifications of the beef ban - rather than getting a chunk of narration that explains everything first. Weave the understanding of the world in with the story - right now it's a little bit "A long time ago in a galaxy far far away".

I am just saying that some stories would resound within me better if written in 1st person, because there is less room for error from this perspective. For me, personally. ot everyone needs to write that way. But if you have many errors relating to the pov you are writing in, then it's something to consider. It makes for an easier read. As for interjecting feelings, there is a way to do it in both 3rd person pov forms. It can be tricky, but if you are going to commit to it, then you need to make sure it is consistant with each wrting format. If I didn't question the exact format and the errors were not present, I would not make such a comment. It's only my thoughts. Take it or leave it. If you think I'm full of ****, then so be it! I take no offense.

I can understand your view of preferring to read one POV over another, but it doesn't make it wrong for someone to write in it. When it came to the last contest - the first chapter was written in 1st person, and thus a valid point can be made that the remaining chapters should also be written in first. But not EVERY story on the site.

I've read through my story many times, and I don't see where the POV switches. Of course, I have a different (and personal) perspective on my own writing. I'm not beyond making mistakes - so I'd appreciate a specific example of my POV switch.

Persephonie you've got to realize there is just more than you reading in this world. Many different people prefer many different POVs. I whole heartedly agree with about 80% of what you have been saying, even within my own work, but don't be so one sided. This was a creavtive and original piece. Very witty and just plain fun! Good job Hebe, write whatever you see fit as long as you stay true to yourself.

Thank you for reading DKK; and for commenting. As Honeygloom pointed out earlier, my aim was toward sattire. I'm glad so many people enjoyed the read, regardless of the POV. :}

My sincerest of apologies. I believe, after another read through, that I perceved the conversation about tofu between the mother and daughter threw me off. It seemed that the narration ended momentarily and switched to dialgue, which was inconsistant with the remainder of the story. Technically, this was not a switch in pov's...to enhance this portion of the text, I would have condsidered maintaining the same narrative format you used throuought the chapter.

sorry...can't type for ....tired. Again, my apologies.