It should never have become law.  Like prohibition, the Ban of Beef caused problems beyond one’s wildest imaginings. 

The resurgence of Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (mad cow disease) gave license to the department of Food and Drug Administration to put forth their recommendations:  to eliminate the sale of beef and beef byproduct in the interest of controlling the spread of a life threatening virus.  PETA instantly endorsed this recommendation and managed to harness support from numerous special interest groups (including the pro-lifers, who widened their platform from fetuses to every animal on the face of the planet).

The snowball effect was immediate.  The bill was passed into law in record time.  The constituents didn’t see it coming, nor were they given the freedom to vote on the issue.   Entire meat cases were cleared overnight as patrons panicked with fear of forced vegetarianism.  Though the initial concern was beef only, the law was worded poorly (or properly, per the view of PETA), and all animals were saved from slaughter.

Chickens, turkeys, pigs, and fuzzy little lambs were now free to life their lives; the butcher table would never haunt their dreams.  Salmon, tuna, and lobsters took haven in this law also.  And eggs?  Unfertilized eggs were given a small reprieve; however, as their demand increased at an incredibly exponential rate, so did their price.  A dozen eggs, at one point, were sold for the same price as prime rib (when prime rib was allowed for sale).  The government stepped in once more and set the maximum price per egg at 43.9 cents.

Whereas prohibition mainly affected the adult population, the Ban of Beef affected everyone.  Over three million people lost their food industry employment immediately.  The obvious were the first to go:  delis, butchers, slaughter houses.  Next, processed food facilities, fast food restaurants, sit down restaurants, and grocery stores turned their employees to layoff, and many locked their doors.

Dairy farms thrived momentarily, until milk was defined as a beef byproduct.  Cheese makers, pudding producers, and Ben and Jerry’s were out of business.  All of life’s sorrows could no longer be solved with a pint of Cherry Garcia©.  The dairy industry tried to overturn this decision, pointing out that leather was also a beef byproduct.  Luggage manufacturers, shoemakers, and upholstery shops let out a collective groan, as they became the next targets of the Ban.

****

Kevin sat at the table in the cluttered kitchen.  At fourteen years of age, his body required substantial quantities of food at regular intervals.  And for him, vegetables and grains were not an acceptable food source.  He scarfed down bacon, sausages, and a four-inch chunk of left over steak from last night’s supper.  Three eggs, a slice of cinnamon toast slathered in real butter, and a tall glass of cold (but unpasteurized) milk rounded out his breakfast.

Technically, he was not breaking the law.  He did not buy any of the meats or the byproducts; nor had his parents.  Until this point in time, they had run a successful family farm.  Now, they continued to maintain the farm.  Money came in from the limited egg production, and from limited government subsidies.  One news report suggested the money for farm subsidies and unemployment was allocated from the military budget; though the report was unconfirmed.

Late in fall, the herd of cattle was normally one-third of current numbers.  Kevin gulped the last of his milk, pulled on his stocking cap, and headed out the door.  The morning chores normally took him an hour to complete at this time of the year.  They now ate up two and a half hours.  Blue, red, and yellow ribbons lined a corkboard at the entrance to the first barn he entered, all dated from previous years.  There hadn’t been a state fair this year.

During prohibition, bootleggers produced booze for the needy.  It would be difficult for farmers to work around the Ban of Beef.  Every death required a veterinary certificate of authentication and a proper cremation to assure the sanctity of the law.  There was no room for negotiation.  Inventory numbers were fudged, and the vets issued falsified documents.  Very few veterinarians were vegetarians.

****

Tasmine poked a weary finger at the glob of white goop on her plate.  “What is it?” she asked.

“Tofu,” her mother replied.  “Just eat it.”

“But what is tofu?”

“Tofu is tofu.”

“What is it made up of though?  Why does it jiggle when I touch it?  It can’t be found in nature, can it?  Are you certain it’s safe for me to eat?”

Her mother pick up her own dishes and walked them to the sink.  The water started running and soap bubbles frothed in the basin.  “For the last time, just eat it.  Stop complaining about it.  It’s safe.  I ate it; I’m alive.  You’ll be fine.  It doesn’t even taste that bad.”

“Ugh,” Tasmine finally ventured to try the suspicious substance.  The same conversation had played over and over again for the past nine weeks.  Tasmine had always refused to try the artificial food source, as she called it.  Nine hours later, she was in the hospital.

****

David closed the door to his office, went to his desk and sat down.  His head banged on the desk’s surface a total of nine times before he stopped.  The situation was dire.  They had bought every bag of food available when the ban had gone into effect, but now the Humane Society of Great Oaks was precariously perched at the precipice of starvation.  The dogs, cats, ferrets and the monitor lizard were not interested in eating carrots and celery.

For months on end, David had pled his case to anyone who would listen, and especially to those who wouldn’t listen.  PETA had taken eighty steps too far.  The prerogative of the national organization was to preserve the lives of as many animals as possible.  However, the main component of many pet foods consisted of chicken, lamb, or beef.  The Ban of Beef now held a dagger to the very throats of their main interest group.

****

Kim also sat at his desk.  Whereas David was distraught, Kim was exuberant.  All was going according to plans.