Discussion of "The Apple..." by headythegoat

The main character's name was Zachariah

I just finished reading your story. I respect your thread and can see the interest in a couple more twists to my story. However, there are a few details that you may have missed about the story that would have made your contribution more relevant and overall better. First of all, Zach, the main character was not drunk the night he met Paulina. He had a couple of shots of vodka but it is implied he was the designated driver. Additionally, there is no mention of any Eddies in the group of three friends that went out that night. And both of the friends of Zachariah are too old to be credited with using the word dude. The breaking of the cell phone and the stealing of the yield sign are very uncharacteristic of Zachariah. As I attempt to bring out in my first two chapters, Zachariah represses his anger and other feelings. He is a very internal person. In any case, good luck with things.