Discussion of "Revenge of the worst kind..." by grus
synapto 4 years, 10 months ago
This requires a lot of the reader in terms of suspension of disbelief, but you have some good conflicts. One specific thing I would recommend for future chapters is to look at your rhythm. If you have 3 sentences in a row that start with "He [verb]", for example, it can get very repetitive. Try to mix up your sentence structure a little and it becomes much more of a treat for the reader, generally speaking.
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haihazan 4 years, 10 months ago
The story is good but the telling is a little rough. I enjoy it nonetheless.
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