Untitled Story pt 1

      By Erika Boykin

I keep to myself as a safeguard
so that I don’t get hurt
It becomes a burden to keep what I’m feeling inside
Trying not to unravel, not in front of her
I can’t bear to let her see me exposed.
The fear of rejection is too much
to the point that it haunts
my every thought of her.
But at the same time I have to be brave
 because if I don’t she will never know.
Constant reminders reaming inside of me
 I need and want to let her know
BUT here it comes my doubts consuming me.
 The simple fact that I’m even crushing on her scares me
I shouldn’t be having these feelings.
But the doubt stills remains
Should I tell her.

Untitled Story pt 2

  I woke up this morning thinking of her
her smile
her lips
her touch but at the same time wondering why
why after all this time 
I’m thinking of her now
We’ve had no contact for over 10 months
but yet I’m still tortured by thoughts, kisses and feelings for her.
But I know she’s not thinking of me
She made her choice long long time ago or better yet
 it was made for her
when she got pregnant by her man at 16
while still at the same time lying to him and tell him she loved him 
and at the same time telling me she loved me.
I was the fool for being the other girl.
God knows there were others she was lying too.
Now things have come to bit her
Her man has left her because of all her games
now she’s left in a custody battle
His arguement, she’s an unfit mother
and I honestly can’t say that isn’t true
because of all the games and people she’s been bringing around
both men and women.
I’m torn now, she’s lied so many times
but still at times I feel love for her.
Yet I sincerely wish her all the best with all she’s going through.
and I know  I’m just being stupid 
because I know she’s still playing games
but I still love her and will always.