Since I'm a judge, I feel the need to post an extensive comment relating to the story. Sorry if this seems very long and drawn out!

Here we go:

First point I have, which happens to be my only complaint of the whole story, is the inconsistent italics use. It seems it starts out as just the dialogue but then envelops the whole scene.

That being said, here are my positives: great job incorporating the musical theme from last chapter. I love the imagery in the paragraph about Charlie. The realization that he had never been in control--AMAZING!

Methra's explanation to Paige about good and evil was exquisite. "Another reality...just behind the skin..." marvelous! And Paige willingly joining the fight...stupendous!

I love the lines you use, especially the one about laying one's life down for a friend! And having Methra sacrifice herself so they could find and fight Jimmy...just outstanding!

Once again, things like "black halo" and "Silent once more" these are indications of brilliant writing.

"Only the beginning..."? Is TNSK going to become a series now?? HA...with writers like you and all the other talented winners of this competition...I definitely think it could work.

Overall, a fantastic piece of writing- all ends wrapped up neatly with a beautiful, albeit bloodstained bow!

5

Welcome!

EA

Congrats on your very well deserved win! I'm looking forward to mashing this chapter!

I just realized that you're new to SM! Welcome and way to go! You've started with a BANG!!!

EA

I'm speechless! Which, if you knew me, is saying quite a lot. I LOVE the musical references. They were flawless and smooth.

The tension you had building with Charlie and Adara was superb. And then, Adara gets this new power, a power that she can even scare Charlie with.

I...I can't say anything else. This was AMAZING!

Wow! I have to say I agree with almost everything wolfram said. I'm a little thrown that Methra would turn on Franco and Paige now after everything that she did to try to help Paige. However, I could also see "using" Methra as yet another agent of either Jimmy or maybe Lipscomb.

I also noticed the thing about Lipscomb. It does say that she's never met the man.

Also, the flashback scene of Adara remembering spilling the beans to Charlie seemed a little long and forced for where it was in the story.

My only other minor quarrel is how you handled the scenes that Adara wasn't actually in. "Franco and Paige went into my office." It's ok to say it as "They went into the office" then you don't mix POV's but you also don't make Adara clairvoyant.

Overall, very gripping!!!
EA

Oh, I don't vote till the official voting, just so you know!

This is a very powerful piece of writing. Jimmy has a whole new dimension to his character now, saying that he's been with Adara her whole life. However, I wonder if the second to last chapter is the right place to reveal this. Overall, I thought this was great! Adara "controlling" Jimmy was ingenious. And the subtle hints of the toll that all of this controlling is taking on Jimmy!
Great job!
EA

ireland_faerie: I'm sorry I couldn't be a judge this round, but know that you would have definitely got my vote! I'm so glad someone decided to bring Charlie back into the story. Great job!

EA

I wouldn't mind contributing again. I just am not sure if I'll have too much time. Let me know what y'all decide!

EA

Originally, that was my plan...so I guess if it doesn't get chosen for the anthology, I'll refine it and continue! Thanks!