Discussion of "Little Blessings" by ericswyatt

As the father of three small children, this is more fear-inducing than any of the October Chill chapters and 95% of the horror I've read on StoryMash. Dad's detached simplicity of recalling the incidents carries emotion - almost as if he's trying his best to justify the mourning process. It hurts.

One of these things, however, is not like the others and doesn't belong. The first, second and last segments have events which prompt the emotional and intellectual response from Dad. The third is uncharacteristically desperate and separate; without something tangible to latch onto while experiencing the thoughts, it doesn't carry the same weight.

While this could be the beginning of something larger, the story is self-contained and needs no additions to complete it. Considering the sadness and sympathy it ellicits, I'm not sure how someone could manage a continuation without lightening the tone; hard to maintain the feeling through that kind of shift.

In the interest of transparency, I voted for your story and gave it a 5.

very kind.

I'll re-examine the third segment, and see what I can do with it, based on your input.

The problem with this is, I'm not sure if you are right or wrong about continuing it. I put it up here, mostly because I'm not sure what to do with it myself. I'm kind of hoping someone else might...

I agree though that to continue it (either myself or someone else) would have to lighten the tone. Perhaps, I've thought, along the lines of the grieving process...not step by step, but becoming less raw with time.

There IS a lot of justification in the narrator's voice. He's clinging to hope that "some good will come out of this" and the other things people say when they can't think of other things to say in a tragedy. But, it isn't just hope for him, it is what he believes...

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.

Okay, I read the comments before making my own, which I try to avoid. You know, I'm as much on the fence about the third segment as you seem to be. I think I can see some real purpose served by it, if nothing more than an indrawn breath such as you sometimes take in a long bout of sobbing. While not intense in and of itself, I think it may actually increase the intensity of the other segments.
The pain in this chapter is so very really, you brought me to the edge of tears, and I never had or, honestly, wanted, children of my own. You tell of pain through the framework of the loss of a child, but you tell of it so clearly and honestly that becomes all such pain. I'm afraid to, but very tempted to, try to take this further myself, along the lines you mention.
But back to my critique. I have to praise the voice you have chosen for the narrator. Sometimes speaking of something heavily laden with emotion in a very emotionless fashion is the best enhancement. You have all the qualities of the sort of writer I would go out of my way to find on the shelves, even when writing on topics that don't normally catch my attention. Sorry I can't think of any suggestions to give to improve, but even your (possible) weakness in creating a visual of the setting actually works FOR this chapter.

yes, there is a sparse-ness to this which was intentional. I take the notes above to heart though, and can already see some areas for tweaking in that section to make it "fit" a little better.

as someone without children myself, I've had to lean a bit on the depth of emotion of others to try to communicate this story. although the emotion of not being able to have children can be powerful as well, so drawing on that was part of this process.

I would like for you to add a chpt to a story I have created...click on my name and read "I am requesting 28 authors..." for more details.
Hope you will contribute.

Such a heartfelt story man. I gave my 9 year old daughter a huge hug after reading this....