Discussion of "Routine" by drasn

Really good! Not by itself, but in the context of a novel chapter it's pretty solid. Much better than the opening. You write very clear so it's easy to understand and read. Some of it is even reaching to higher degrees of the craft. The opening in particular. I believe wwb calls it 'Wordsmithing!'

I want to read more please write another chapter

Well done! As Light mentioned, your writing is concise and easy to follow the story. I'm a little confused, though, about your wimp character. He allows these three guys to harass him, rob him and throw him in the trunk. He shakes, he cries and his thoughts are consistent with his real emotions; and then...inside the trunk, no apparent way out, he calmly decides it could have been worse and lights a cigarette? Hmmm...not in my understanding of the world and the creatures that walk around in it. It's called verisimilitude...;o).

With the ending of this, I was going for a sense of familiarity of the situation and relief that it hadn't been worse. I had a couple of paragraphs drawn up of him panicking in the trunk, but it just didn't "feel" right. The danger was gone and he had been there before is essentially what I was trying to go for.

Its going to be interesting writing the mental evolution of this guy, taking him from the frightened person in "Routine" to the border-line insane in "The Game."

Thank you for your insight, I appreciate it very much.

Yeah, I see where you're going...when you explain it...;o). if I recall correctly, before he was dumped in the trunk, his thoughts were the opposite of his actual reactions. Why not a paragraph that describes him practically losing it in the trunk - screaming, crying, pounding against the trunk, et al, and then his inner voice comes in..."You're such a pussy. Get a hold of yourself! There's a way out, and there's a way to get back at these ****. Knock of the cryin' and THINK!" Then he relaxes, lights himself a cigarette and thinks...lol...'

Just an example of what I was thinking....