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The story so far:

"sogno della dinistia complete" -> (14 skipped) -> "the fragments of reality, the mccoys, and kims frustration" -> "yenrab, the fragments, and stealing pigs"

the chen bot, space ark, ringworlds, and the microsoft paperclip  by dr3arms

 

 

 

"Damnation and hellfire to the both of you!" an old prospector said as Jimmy Buffet smacked Susan Boyle's face with a dead parrot.

"I swear, you can't get anything- what's that?" he continued, amazed as the sky slowly but surely became infested with red, black, and gold stitching that seemed to tear their minds in twain as they looked into the hypnotizing patterns. 

'That's right... know our power,and tear you hearts out from fear!' Resaec thought to himself as Jimmy Buffets parrot beating days became instantly numbered.

"I shall prevail, to me my SMURF POD!" a lone figure said with a long drawn out snorting laughter. The Bloody Strands instantly ripped out his spine, sharpened it to a fine point and jabbed it down his throat. 

'Shut up.' she thought to herself as the Golden Strands felt her restlessness. 

'What is the matter? Why don't you finish this planet off once more! Relive your time as the Dread Queen! Forget that Human, he will never accept you into his heart again!' the gurgling laughter of the Golden Strands had a perverse effect on the Bloody Strands as the strings wound into a pair of legs and slammed both heels into where she thought his kneecaps were.

'Never try that again! And apparently, Gandalf the Critically Injured is underneath my foot, shall I kill him?' the Black Syrup shuddered as the former White Wizard of Gondor skipped happily along with his Balrog companion. Together, they witnessed how a saying should be said.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" the Golden Strands roared with so much power that the calm, fluffy, clouds turned into grouchy maelstroms of broken glass, unorganized Tea Partiers, and Meg Whitmans campaign trail. Gandalf the Critically Injured held up a twisted, broken, and splintered arm limply as he called to the last of his power.

 "Pet gegant mortal de l'equip de saltar la corda Balrog!" Gandalf the Critically Injured shouted as the Golden Strands slammed its planet sized foot onto both him and the Balrog, as well as the entire intelligent moonshine running clan of Fort Worth. Later that day, Fox News reported Glenn Beck missing for work.

 

The Bloody Strands, twisted and turned as the Golden Strands and the Black Syrup continued their blows across the planet's surface, and occasionally getting stuck in tourist traps, like the biggest paper clip in the bible belt, or the pyromaniac maids of california. But mostly, they caused untold amounts of property damage, and took great personal pleasure of trampling Mrs. Hemmingway's flowerbed and setting fire to her prize winning petunias. The Black Syrup's mass grew with everything he touched, including several reportedly lost Hoover Dam snow globes. He was Unstobbable. That is, until the Lost Wolf smacked him with a wet noodle and told all three of them to go to their corners.

 

Gandalf the Critically Injured and his Balrog friend, managed to live through the attempted stepping on, simply by stepping backwards one pace. although Gandalf's little toe had been utterly destroyed, it was a small price to pay for continued existence. 

"We must get to Morgan, before the Chasm's plans become a little too successful! To me Carfax!"  he cried as the light from his staff shone brightly into the edges of the universe. he was later sued for blinding four hundred septillion people for around twelve kingdoms of gold. He had only eleven, and thus was put in a cell next to Mechahilton.

 

Morgan was back in the Big Brother house, watching the fighting between Joseph Arhem and a Currupt Dust Mite mayor go horribly wrong When the dust mite moved all the crabs invested dust mite teenagers over to Joseph's left eyelash. 

"How is this fair!?" he questioned while preparing a napalm strike on himself. The lonesome, bored sounding voice of the Big Brother house was replaced by Jeff Probst, who had a somewhat chipper habit of narrating everything that was happening.

 

"Alright! Joseph Arhem is pointing the laser at his own head, waiting for the team of seven thousand F16s to bombard him with over ten times the volume of the Atlantic ocean of Napalm, Agent Orange, and packets of Koolaid!" he said while walking in a circle a safe distance away, "And now the corrupted dust mite mayor and his plethora of crabs infested dust mite teenagers are chewing their way slowly through his eye lid, I can not imagine the amount of relative comfort that Jospeh is going through right now!" Morgan, Kim, and Nordafet were all very excited at the prospect of watching thousands of F16s bomb the crap out of Joseph, while being driven by tiny, nervous looking Doxies dressed in outlandish and brightly colored outfits. Unfortunately, Jeff Probst had to ruin every thing when he and Julie Chen were caught fist fighting over who was the better announcer.

 

"Jeff Probst is beating Julie Chen down with her own mike, Julie getting determined to-" 

"Will Jeff stun audiences with a moment of silence? Or will Julie finally knock him the **** out with the Hidden Immunity Idol and throw him off a cliff? Find out, when we return to-" 

"Survivor-" 

"Big Brother!"

 

The Door of Existence and the Chasm of Nonexistence seemed to be almost as big as the very galaxies they spawned from where Barney Fife was sitting. "You know, you really should be concentrating on the fighting!" Tina Door said as she clobbered the Statepuff Marshmallowman in the face with a twelve bladed chainsaw.
"You would say that as I'm kicking the crap out of some freakishly huge being of unimaginable power!"
"Unimaginable power? That thing!?" Tina said as she pointed a finger at what seemed to be a cotton ball the size of a hockey puck.
"Dont you know anything yet? Never judge a book by its cover!" Barney smiled as a book launched its cover at Tina, only to be torn asunder by a set of dark cloudy claws that protruded from Chrissy Chasm's forehead. Barney looked at the Avatar of the Chasm with a mixture of admiration and loathing. In the end he simply threw up whatever he had eaten previously. 

Chrissy only slammed the claws into a possessed beaker of sulfer and potassium nitrate. The barriers of the Door and the Chasm were beginning to buldge yet again as the trillions and tirllions of warriors from either side were sucked back to their respective dieties. the Bloody Knight, which had died numerous times during the initial fighting, clawed the ground for some sort of grip, but ultimately failed. Barney simply walked over to the flailing man in rust colored armor and held out a hand. The Knight, glad to be freed from the constant pull of the flying Spa Ghotti monster with its huge unrelenting Doxie shotguns. 
"I have a blister." Morgan said with a little bit of anger as the Peep armies once again closed in on him, Kim, Nordafet, and Antimo. "REALLY!? What ever gave you that idea?" Kim shouted directly in his ear as the man  poked and prodded the liquid filled bubble on the tip of his finger.
"It really hurts." he said calmly as the first of five billion Metal Peeps lunged for his throat and latched on with little resistence from Morgan.
"Oh my **** god! Are you still alive!?" Nordafet screamed and rushed over to Morgan's side and punched the Metal Peep in the face. He looked down to discover Morgan laying on his back, still poking at the blister on his fingertip. Nordafet took a deep breath and sighed. Then he kicked Morgan in the face was spearing another Metal Peep through the side of the head.
"I can't believe that just happened," Antimo said. He lifted up a plate of what appeared to be black butter and smiled like a dick. "I also cant believe it's not butter!" a Metal Peep salesman punched him in the **** cheek and sent him spinning into Jimmy Hoffa. 
"WTF are you doing here!?" Antimo shrieked as though he had seen a ghost. The portly man yawned, blinked his eyes, and then was ripped to shreds by a mailman posing as Dick Cheney's heart. Things did not bode well for Antimo. 
Back in the Dimension Between, Barney Fife was dealing with problems of his own. The Bloody Knight, now freed from the horrid pull of both the Door and the Chasm, would not let his foot go. Even when the Robot King punched him in the head multiple times, the guy would just not let go at all.
"Hey. Hey!" Barney roared at the still groveling soul.
"Have you found the answer to my question?" the Knight asked in a suddenly serious tone of voice.
"Yeah... it's in the closet."
"And?"
"It wont come out."
There was a slight pause as the barriers of Existence and Nonexistence shattered, and the culmination of untold numbers of voice, roaring out for the blood, lusting after the scent of the first drop, and generally smoking ten tons of reefer in a local highschool stall for the Hell of it, rang out aganst the previously deafening silence that pervaded every inch of open space. 
"Look, you want to hear the answer old man?"
"I'm not your father."
"Why not? We could play catch!" the two bantered back and forth while Tina and Chrissy sat down, tired from the constant of the fighting that was going on.
"So... is this his lighter side?" Tina asked her sister, wondering where the previously grief stricken King had gone.
"I don't know. But, it sure is a change of pace, personally, I was sick of the whole 'What's the point' pouting that was going on. The Mouthian did a great job on this guy."
Meanwhile, a forested area, not more then two inches round, burst into flames. The fires taking Animal Cracker after Animal Cracker, biting off their heads and leaving the cream filled bodies littered around the area like some demented children's nightmare.

A distracted mind was all that cluttered the red haired man's vision as he tried to focus on the fight at hand, but it really wasn't any kind of physical fighting that was going on. It was a battle of the minds as Reason batted him about the face in the midst of a control transition. It was almost as if the built up pressures of everyday living had consumed Morgan's mind, somewhat like fly larvae slowly filling a bloated corpse passed its containing capacity and start to leak out any and all openings they can find. Morgan was still in the middle of the battle with the Metal Peepes, but it was the last thing on his mind as Nordafet, Antimo, and Kim swatted Peep after Peep off of his not moving body. Reason had grown restless these past few weeks, irritable as it might've seemed, but for the life of Morgan, he was some how concerned with the graver matters at hand.

 

In essence, he was lost inside of himself.

 

"What can I possibly do against such horrid odds?" he said to himself as Reason planted a pointy knuckled fist in his right eyeball, sending the mental image of the Human Being spinning into the floor. The pain of the blow seemed to be lost on him. "What can I possibly do against something like Nonexistance? I mean, is there even ANYTHING I can do at this point to overcome all of these confusing thoughts I'm having?" there was another hint of doubt in the four hundred and twenty six year old's voice, and to Reason, it only seemed to drive him to greater levels of anger. "I mean, I know I'm alive, I know that with out Existence, there isn't a point for Nonexistance to have a chance to exist! But what does it truly mean to exist in the first place? This Dimension makes about as much sense as anything else, and yet I find the very fabrics of what I once thought to be true and untrue are slipping out of my finger tips!" Reason seemed to get an idea from the local rag about Lindsay Lohan getting back into rehab.

All of sudden three space arks ripped the fabric of time and physics away from an elderly proffessor who was busy teaching an affible cheerleader the laws of gravity in his bed. But this didn't seem to phase Morgan in the least as the three arks, The Grim, The Fat Blunt, and The Holy Crapping Jesus, were six light years across and therefor, suffered no major or minor damage when they crushed the professor, his slightly unwilling guest, and twelve million pounds of peanut butter sandwiches that had been lodged in his mattress two nights before.

 "Well...Tthat was ****." Morgan said as the Holy Crapping Jesus was struck in the starboard side with a piece of butter. Morgan looked at Antimo, the being simply shrugged this event off as if it were something like a dream.

In fact, Morgan had been in the Dream Dimension so long he had forgotten all about the word normal. He didn't remember why he was this powerful, or how he got here, or why Nordafet kept dry humping the air, even after the air had gotten a restraining order against the poor Deom.

"Hey... HEY!" Antimo shouted as the Holy Crapping Jesus exploded into what any sane person would have sworn his ex-wife's left nipple on was a fireworks display featuring the vast and innumerable works of Jules Vern and Gumpy the lazy eyed fish stick. "Watch where you're going, we already lost the Holy CrappingJjesus today! And I don't want to have to smack you again. Fish Sticks my left forearm." Antimo shouted in aged anger.

"What's the matter old friend? Are you now as unsure of what you can actually depend on?" Nordafet asked as he had stopped dry humping the air, and instead went after a pile of dirty socks. Which, to his detriment, had the same ending. The Deom was now required to stop dry humping any dirty socks within fifty minutes of his current location. Morgan sighed, the Human wondered why the Chasm and the Door had all of sudden decided to stop fighting. It wasn't just that they stopped fighting, it was that they had stopped time and space, literally slowly it to a crawl within the two and a half billion light years which covered the entirety of the Dimension between Dimensions.

 "Something isn't right. First we lost Aneeh and her stupid brother Jock Itch-"
 "That's Josh." a seaman with a doily impaled into his left nostril corrected him annoyed.
 "What he said," Morgan continued without much regard as to why the seaman had a bright pink, ultra fluffed doily in his nostril, "The point being that since the fighting literally froze in place, all kinds of **** up things have been happening."

The ark slowly passed a recording studio in which Mechabeck was now recording his newest pop single, "Ouch, ouch, my mechanical dong hurts when you smash it like that." Antimo shuddered with so much rage, that his simply awesome new circuit laced armor shattered, much to the German midget behind hims dismay. 
"Tell me again why were in this thing? Couldn't you have imagined something a little less strange, and more..."Antimo paused as Morgan's green eyes scanned his face. 
"You try creating something right as a giant fat man in a jogging suit running from a colossal metal cheese wheel is about to step on you."
 "Point taken."

It was about two weeks later that the three of them had arrived at their destination, the remains of the Council of Tens head quarters. 
"I thought this place was supposed to be as far away from the Multiverse as inhumanly possible!" Nordafet complained.The Human groaned, "It is the most remote thing in Existence Nordafet."
 "THEN EXPLAIN WHY IN GOD'S ICE COLD SACK THERE IS A BLOCKBUSTER NOT EVEN TWO FEET AWAY FROM IT!" the Deom screeched in a apathetic rage that would have made most Emo bands terminate themselves in the most vile and wonderful ways possible.
 "I guess even the members of the Council wanted to watch Jaws 3d every once in while. It was a good movie. Besides, we are here for a reason, now shut the flying **** up and run through that obviously booby trapped hallway." "I did that last time, and wound up being the hand puppet of a zombifiedTony Curtis!" the Deom shouted in dismay. The only thing that stopped the constant bickering between the three was a raunchy sounding moan that caused Antimo to leak lubricant from his screwed on crotch plate.

"I've been expecting you."

The crackers of energy snapped and crumbled as the Gaurdian of the Dimension of Time stepped through the tunnel, and then stepped right in it again. Because of this, he had unwittingly attached a peice of meat to James Fillard's right testicle. Things could be going better for the Gaurdian at the moment, but just as he set foot back out into the Cracker of Energy, something stupid happened to him yet again. A peice of the Holy Crapping Jesus had slammed into his face, rendering him unable to use said Powers of Chronological Manipulation. As if that weren't enough, his ex-wife's lawyer called to tell him that in the divorce, she had gotten crontrol of half his time powers, including, but not limited to the reversal of time itself.

The Gaurdian swore silently to himself. This couldn't have happened at a worse time. The peice of the Ark itself was a cabin filled with the most vicious things you could ever possibly imagine if they had been drawn by Walt Disney himself and had been addicted to crack. That peice of the ship erupted into a ball of flaming fire three thousand miles in diameter. This was the signal for the Convent of Nerds to start making their moves against Morgan. But the Human didn't know it yet.

"Set phasers, Force powers, and pocket protecters to stun." the tall gangly one stuttered with remarkable likeness to Hugh Grant, with out any of the charm of him whatsoever.

A fat dude looking almost nothing like Jeff Bridges stood up, opened his disturbing, Cheetos dust encrusted, drool entrenched, tiny lifeform supporting robes and struck a pose with all the muster of three peices of salmon auditioning for the lead part in Phantom Of The Opera. "I'd like to state that Kirk could kick Picard's ****, any day of the week!" he jaunted happily to himself. But he was squarely punted off a cliff into a pile of chewing gum, and it promptly swallowed him.

Barney Fife was in the middle of some very tense negotiations with two peices of bacon, a wet paper sack, and twelve soap bubbles. In the end, he simply blasted them apart without a real decisive mindset.

"Yeah... no. la magia cadena de negro: diez toneladas de títeres araña!" the Puppet King shouted with glee, barely noticing the stop in time around him as his chest unlocked and billions of ink soaked strings formed a cloud and then slammed together to form, what one could describe as, a very big **** spider made of puppet parts. "So... I win. Right?" Barney stated with a huge smile on his face, that was, until Al Gore demanded a recount, BlockBuster demeanded a return, a chocolate Santa demanded he return the candy snack's foil wrapper, and Lady Gaga demanded people stop arguing and wear meat dresses.

Barney Fife, the Puppet King, regarded these demands with the scrutiny that a fat hungry guy gives a french fry he thought he'd lost in the folds of his couch several nights prior, and attacked them all.

"La magia cadena de negro: Las arañas de afeitar tornado de seda!" the spider puppet's mouth opened and several blasts of a fine monofiliment like webbing sprayed over its targets, draping them like a wet blanket over a lit candle. Barney smiled, still ignoring the fact that Tina Door and Chrissy Chasm were no longer fighting anything, but rather not fighting anything and actually not doing anything at all. The Puppet King's attention was fixed on turning Gaga's meat dress into a finely sliced set of badly filmed shorts that included one about a mime saying his first word in over ten years, only to be in the middle of a large group of black people, and the word not being a very nice one to say while amongst said black people.

After a few minutes of meandering through a bunch of frozen people in mid punches, kicks and one guy eating a honeybutter sandwich, Barney Fife looked to the sky and realized that he was alone, even if he was surrounded by billions of tiny armies. The feeling was not good to him at all, and in the end he made the ten ton spider puppet do a tap dance before recalling the mechanical monstrosity back into him.

"This isn't a good sign... if the Door and the Chasm froze everything here, including themselves, something much worse is about to spring its ugly head!" he was right, something horrid did spring its ugly head. Unfortunately it was the Microsoft Word Paperclip. A thought bubble hovered over the small annoyance.

"You seem to be having trouble with your battle, would you like me to help you?"

The Puppet King simply clicked the bright red X hovering just to the right of the Paperclip and continued twords his journey. Every once in a while, he found a woman of extrodinary beauty and copped a feel for a few minutes, after getting bored he simply made his way to the center of the battle field. 
'It's terrifying, I didn't know they had this much power with in them...' the lone warrior thought to himself, desperately wishing for the Great Mouth's company. 'I wonder if all of Existence is like this, or if it's mainly the Dimension between Dimensions only, and why am I the only one... aside from Lady Gaga's meat dress, that isn't frozen?' Barney eventually walked towards the center of the battle field where he found the two leaders of the opposing armies sitting side by side.

The Door of Existence was only nine feet high and six feet wide. It wasn't a remarkable door, no lavish runes inscribed on the frame, no golden door knob or infinitely intelligent guardian standing infront of it either. He walked around it, above it, under it, and examined it from all sides.

'What the **** is this!? It's a **** door! Just regular wooden door!' Barney thought angrily to himself. Thats when the Paperclip appeared again against Barney Fife's will.

"You have come to the center of the Dimension between Dimensions. Is there something I can help you with?" the Paperclip chimed eerily. Barney reasoned that, given his previous encounter with the annoyance, that it would in fact simply keep repeating the process. He gave up after a few minutes of berating a copper nickle stuck to the bottom of his wooden foot.

"Yeah... There is actually. How come the Door of Existence... is so plain?"
"The Door itself is nothing special, but what's on the other side of the Door is why the Chasm wants to destroy it, that is what all this fighting is about."
"I looked over the whole thing, trust me, there is not one special thing about it. On any side, whatsoever."
"You seem to be having trouble understanding the primary function of the Door of Existence."
"The what?"
"The Door of Existence's primary function. You have completely misunderstood it."

Barney Fife, after being beaten up, slammed through a shredder, blown up, stabbed, shot, and generally picked on a lot by various other people, punched the Paperclip in the head.

"Then explain it to me. The function of a Door of Existence."
"It's a door."
"Yes! It is a door. Good to know we're on the same page. What does it do?"
"It..."
"Yes?"
"It..."
"YES!?"
"It opens."
"I can see why people don't like you. Could you please explain it to me a little better than simply 'it opens'? Here we are, in the Dimension between Dimensions, you a floating, universally hated magic Paperclip, and me, the slave of a Mouthian. I'm sure you can tell me a bit more than the fact that it opens. It's a door, I got it, it opens and it closes. What else?"

The Paperclip, being universally hated by nearly every atom of Existence, made fun of by everyone, and generally not someone you want to bring to the birth of your first born child, punched Barney Fife in the eye and got stuck there since the Puppet King was made of a thick wooden covering, and underneath was his real body.

 

 

 

 

 

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  'the chen bot, space ark, ringworlds, and the microsoft paperclip' statistics: (click to read)
Date created: Jan. 5, 2011
Date published: Jan. 5, 2011
Comments: 0
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Word Count: 6714
Times Read: 413
Story Length: 43
Children Rank: 2.9/5.0 (1 votes)
Descendant Rank: 0.0/5.0 (46 votes)