The story so far:
"Cima?? s? n?can? hamal?!" a voice screamed in the distance as he shot from his hands a great pair of tweezers that plucked the single most painful hair from Morgan's nose.
"Son of a bitch!" he cried, as tears rolled from his eyes, and slammed into the ground, drowning a nearby town of Ants holding a Townhall over the local gang of ant eaters that had been terrorizing the neighborhood. Morgan looked down and seemingly found the corrupt Ant Mayor trying to escape, he licked the ant up and destroyed him with his mighty wolf like paws. "Damn it... Samson... I think we have bigger things to worry about then pile driving seagulls!" Morgan barked as he shook his ruby fur free of tar that had mysteriously appeared on him. It turned out that a local oil rig had exploded off the shore of Lappy Lake, taking with it a sizable chunk of Biscuit Barn, and most of the Chewy Mailman Leg Jerky store. Samson was not happy at all with this development at all.
"Do something!" his gruff voice roared as tears streamed from his eyes.
"What!? I don't have the Skeletal Angels with me anymore, I barely have any attacks in this form, and my Deom are busy trying to keep my body together! What the **** do you expect me to do about it!? Sokei bu no kikku wo kaitai!" Morgan howled, as a seventeen foot tall giant with pleated cleats rushed from a cherry scented puff of smoke and with one fierce and fiery kick, sent the mysterious, tweezer weilding, assasin into the night sky.
"Wow... that was amazing. And stupid." Samson barked. "So Master, are there more of these dangerous things coming after you? Because if so, I'd like to lend a hand."
Morgan thought on it for a bit.
'Should I leave a peaceful planet, leaving behind my life as a awesome looking ruby covered wolf? Or should I stay here, and occasionally get into fights that might very well cost me my life? I'll leave. The biscuits are terrible.' Morgan said inwardly. Samson looked at the night sky and noticed a red strand floating through the air, twisting and turning as it did so.
"Master? What's that?" the Brindle Boxer asked as he motioned towards the strange sight in the sky.
"That? Dunno... but I really don't like it.
In the ruins of the Council of Ten's meeting room, Technarl pressed a few buttons on the side of the thick glass. His mostly mechanical body had been beaten to nearly a oily scrap heap as he sputtered black smoke, sparks shot form the broken, exposed, wiring in his neck.
"Come on, come on!" he muttered under his breath, hoping that the person in the cylinder would wake up and help him fight off the Bloody Strands invasion. Though he now knew it was hopeless. He finished putting in the proper key code just as a bleeding drill, composed of tightly wound string, burst through his palm from the back of his shoulder.
"We can't have you returning this one from his sleep! Just imagine how much his mind would twist and turn trying to figure out why he's dead!" the Bloody Strands said as the Golden Strands took on a more recognizable form.
"Would you knock it off Sister!? We have more important things to worry about than that thing... what ever it is." the body said snidely. The Bloody Strands rejoined its Brother and cooed happily.
"But don't you want everything to go perfectly?" her voiced mixed with his voice asked quietly.
"No... I just want things to start as soon as possible. Now come with me. I want to show you something that I think you will definitely love!" the Golden Strands shouted with a slight enthusiasm. The Bloody Strands had no other real choice except to obey.
In a weird twist of fate, the Chasm's recreation of the Dream Dimension randomly twisted reality so that one place and situation would warp into another. And this meant trouble for Morgan, Aneeh, and Antimo who were in the midst of fighting off Demonic, Zombified, toilet seat covers with the picture of Dora the Explorer on them.
"Shib? no tsume: Toripuru tatsumaki no surasshu!" Morgan raged as the long forgotten blue magma shot up his arm attached to one thousand feet of razor edged chain links.
"Shib? no tsume: Kage no dimenshonsuraisu!" the demonic zombie toiletseat covers stood no chance as Dora the Explorer burst into fiery bits and starting swearing in Spanish for no other reason than to piss parents off all over the universe.
"Mierda se lame el coño por el castigo anal!!" all ten thousand of her screamed with a villainous intent. Morgan shrugged his shoulders as he tapped Antimo, who was busy shredding evil doilies, on the shoulder.
"You get any of that?" the Ruby Wolf asked patiently.
Antimo nodded in glee. "She said something about her liking anal punishment. It gets a little fuzzy from there." the scene changed from demonic Dora toilet covers to a world filled with killer Peeps.
"PEEPS! YOU SHALL DIE A HELLISH, EASTER THEMED DEATH! AND THE CORPSES OF YOUR COMRADES SHOVED INTO...where ever you have mouths!" Antimo shrieked at the top of his four lungs.
Morgan looked out at the vast and somehow scrumptious looking desert of enemies. Aneeh wet herself with terror, and Antimo looked stoned and hungry for some reason.
"Are you stoned!?" Morgan asked simply annoyed that he couldn't get the reality twisting high that went to some people when it happened.
"Yeah... Peeps huh?" Antimo said as a black tongue licked his lower and upper jaws before an insect like carapace covered his whole body.
"How the **** do I keep missing out on all the good things!?" the Human said. "Well..." he continued, "No point in delaying the ridiculous. Let's defend ourselves against this vast and evil army of Peeps, who will no doubt suck the marrow from our bones to fulfill their Peepish evil desires. Mierda se lame el coño por el castigo anal!"
Aneeh looked at him with a slight anger in her eyes. "I should've killed you when I had the chance to."
In the Dimension beyond Dimensions, the Great Mouth hovered only a few feet above the burnt out skeleton and frame work of Barney Fife, the Robot King, son of Joshua Arhem, and father to the Joshua Arhem.
"How could you let him die!? Do you know how much potential my slave had!? Do you realize that he was so close to finding the power to defeat the Golden Strands!? You blithering fools have no idea the damage you've done to the Door's efforts!" it raged as the ball of insects buzzed and trilled with a slowly boiled excitement.
"This... is the Great Mouth?" Joshua Arhem queried to Tina Door, who was simply just a rag doll that housed the mind of the Door.
"Yes, that is the Great Mouth, originally, I couldn't tell if he was on the Chasm's side or mine, but I don't think he's on either." Tina explained to Joshua that the Great Mouth came from a Dimension of other Mouthians like himself, except they were far larger in size, and often consumed entire galaxies in a single bite. The Great Mouth had once been a brilliant strategist, but that didn't matter since the Mouthian's decided importance based on size, not intelligence.
Thus the Great Mouth had been sent from its own Dimension to one where the beings in it were small enough to make him feel important. Tina theorized further that this might've been a far greater act of mercy then simply smashing the ball of insects to nothing, then while the Great Mouth was screaming in writhing pain, tore it's lips off, form the smallest pair, to the largest, while at the same time, showing it a slide show of the most important Mouthians trip to the Dimensional Core. Tina looked at Joshua to find that he had a terrified look on his face.
"So that's pretty much it." she whispered quietly.
"What's wrong? You look almost sad in a way." the Arhem man asked sordidly.
"It's just that, when I think about it, I just want to do the less kind act of mercy to the Great Mouth now more than ever."
Joshua shrugged as he saw, with a slight surprise, his zombified brother shambling towards him. "Joseph? My god! What in Shiver's name happened to you!?"
Joseph simply shook his head, and pulled out his jaw bone from a inner coat pocket. "Well, I sacrificed myself to save Dearest Sister, and then I woke up in the Death Dimension being raped by ten thousand Cacti people with large-"
"Well... sounds interesting. You want to help the Great Mouth repair Barney Fife?" Tina interrupted as she pointed with a stitched up finger towards Chrissy Chasm, who was in the process of sending enough electricity to power seven billion galaxy sized super computers into the Robot King's body.
"Yikes... maybe... I'll give him half my brain, I'm pretty much immortal thanks to her. By the way, any news on the Council, Morgan and friends, or our sister? She seems to have joined up with their lot." Joseph said with a slight bit of amusement.
Joshua walked with his brother out a little ways, the black sky marred with bright red spirals and sky blue zig zags with green skull and cross bones pattern. One of his eyes popped in his skull with little effect.
"No worries, that will eventually grow back anyways. So what do you want to talk about? And can you explain to me how that thing-" he pointed towards the slowly reviving Barney Fife, "- Can be your Son, and our Father, and our Grandfather?"
Joshua smiled towards his Brother. "Time travel and clones. That's all you need to know."
"What ever makes you happy I guess." Joseph replied with a small amount of chagrin in his voice.
"So whats the deal? Are we all going to betray our alliances with our Allies at the same time, or simply destroy them at their weakest?" Joshua asked with little patience.
"Well... that simply depends on the timing, and whether or not we can get Aneeh back to our cause again, she seemed pretty adamant about defeating the Chasm..." Joseph yawned as he cleared his throat and ended up coughing a lung out of his chest.
"More room for me to put things, I've already got a forty ounce of Vodka, a Boggle game, a PS3, flat screen TV, two hibernating Ninjas, a squeegee, ten bowling balls, a cruise missile, Tom Cruise, and several other miscellaneous objects tucked away in a Pocket Dimension." Joseph said to his brother while patting the left side of his chest. Joshua just couldn't believe his ears.
"A game of Boggle and two Ninjas in the same place? They from the same clan hopefully?" the Arhem sibling asked curiously.
"Nah, ones from the Fuma clan, and the other was trained in Russian Mail Order Bride assassination techniques. Very handy if you want to get rid of a Russian adoption one wrong."
"That's messed up. Do they play Boggle at least?"
"Yeah... they keep drinking the forty ounce as well. **** Ninjas."
As Barney Fife's bones reassembled themselves and performed a moon walking dance of death into the Volcano Of Happy Thoughts and feelings, where he promptly shat himself upon remembering everything that happened to him, Barney woke up on a hospital bed with doctors all around him.
"Where the **** am I!?" he shouted, grabbing a nearby nurse by the shirt, and ripped it off, revealing that she wasn't a nurse at all, but a nice cold Miller Light.
While the morbidly obese person next to him whispered in his ear, "You just been blown to bits, the Great Mouth has just revived you, its Miller time!" it chuckled as it turned into a combination between Tom Cruise flouting about in a pink tutu and Sarah Jessica Parker's nose becoming a rocket launcher.
"It's... TOO... **** RANDOM HERE!" Barney shouted as he bounced off the bed and darted past a Grey Hound bus with the face of Rodney Dangerfield.
"I get no passengers I'm telling you, no passengers at all! Heh!"
"Shut the **** up Dangerfield! No one cares!" Barney shouted as he extended his arm and changed it into a Spear of Reality TV Damnation.
Rodney proceeded to shrink down while quoting his all time personal favorite porn, "Its too hot for me! Let me take off this paddle and see what happens with the rubber hose, the midget, two gallons of glue, and a Velcro zipper!" and then he exploded into a little pile of confetti. Which somehow brought Barney Fife out of his delusional state of mind and back into the Dimension Beyond Dimensions. He opened his robotic eyes and tried to focus as Joshua slammed his fist into the Robot King's face once more.
"Get the **** up Dearest Grandfather! We have work to **** do!" the Arhem brother said quietly.
"I'm not your Grandfather." Barney said quietly as he bolted on a pair of iron shorts with platinum lining. "It gives me a little zing each time I put these on!" the Robot King said with a little bit of swagger before he realized who was next to him.
"Hi. SLAVE." the Great Mouth whispered to him frantically, "Do you have any **** idea how bad these two have messed up everything!?" the Mouthian shouted as Joseph lost another game of boggle to one of his drunken Ninjas.
"Ha Ha! You have lost another game to me! I am the greatest Ninja ever! Ha Ha!" Joseph simply ripped the Ninja's eyes out, then ripped off his balls and put his balls in his eye sockets, and taped his eyes to his crotch, then kicked him in the crotch with a chainsaw boot.
"Wow. I did... see that coming." Joshua said with a slight hint of pride. "Eldest Brother. We have new company among us, yet again! Try not to die! And finish off the Council of te-" he was interrupted as the Ninja's screams of pain, utter terror, and the low, low prices at Best Buy were silenced as he exploded into a little pile of confetti.
"What is up with everyone doing that? Why is there no blood!? I want blood!" the Mouthian's slave shouted.
"In due time Slave, in due time. We have much to discuss you and I. But first, tell me something." the Great Mouth said as Tina Door slammed her fist into Chrissy Chasm's button like boob and unleashed a horrendous tide of badly advertised cleaning products to emotionally disturbed Emo people.
"Yes Master?" Barney said with a bit of heartfelt feelings in his voice.
"While you were gone, you know, dead, were you anyone else's Slave?" the Mouthian asked silently, with a bit of hope that wasn't the case in his voice.
"I WAS **** DEAD YOU IDIOT! OF COURSE I WASN'T ANYONE ELSE'S SLAVE!"
Joseph interrupted with a slight grunt, "I was dead too, and I went to the Death Dimension. They forced **** shrimp down my throat. Seriously, the shrimp were having sex with each other, as the demented bastard in charge of that place crammed them down my throat." there was an awkward silence, as everyone just kind of shuffled away from Joseph as he began to glow. "But! On the upside! I got this gnarly tan! Time to hit the waves!" the eldest Arhem said with a little bit of demon in his voice. "OF TERROR! TIME TO HIT THE WAVES OF TERROR AND DESTRUCTION AGAINST MORGAN AND ALL THOSE WHO WOULD DEFY THE GREAT ONES DEMANDS!"
It was at this same moment, the endless army of tiny Peeps combined to form a six foot tall Puperpeep, with warship like cannons that popped from his eyes that shot beams of terror, from his nose that shot beams of death, from his mouth that shot beams of hate, and ten thousand from each of his little Peep like nipples, that shot beams of sexual frustration. One such beam hit Antimo right in the face. And he instantly regretted that three way between two morbidly obese women, the trampoline, two midgets, a line of sodapop, the Denver Broncos, and some guy with a funny hat. Morgan patted him on the back, and gave him a sad hug. "I feel for you Antimo, I really do, that's why I'm posting the video on Youtube."
Antimo's ego was shattered like ten frogs in a science disection class. "Why? We could've done so much more, if I hadn't fallen under twelve hundred pounds of pure mass. They had no heads man! It was like having it your way at Burger King, only except they give you a small shot of water in the face instead of a giant sized Coke!"
Morgan had no **** idea what his former friend was talking about, and focused his attention on the mutated Peep commando strike force heading their way in the dense jungles of Aneeh's head of hair.
"Well, this is certainly a weird twist." Morgan noted as creatures too horrendous, too horrid, too demented to be described, fought with giant Q-tips against the wax monsters of Alderan. "Why!? That's all I'm asking is why!?" Morgan shouted to no one as he clapped his hands together and placed them on a transmutation circle.
"Um... oh ****." Antimo said as he changed into a bean of absolute terror.
"I am Lord Voldemort! Where is Harry Potter!?" a dark wizard that shot from one of Aneeh's bald spots roared before a volley of spikes ripped through the dark wizard's head. Shortly there after Harry, Ron, and Hemroid cream emerged from another bald spot with no clear idea of how they got their in the first place.
"Seriously! WHY!?" Morgan roared as his pressed harder into the circle and caused ten million needles to shoot into the trio of adventurers, ripping off their synthetic flesh and revealing the Peepinators sent back in time to kill John Peeper. "Oh **** me! COME ON! ISN'T THERE ANYTHING IN THIS **** DIMENSION THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN!?" Morgan shouted as he clapped his hands a third time and Tinkerbell appeared, before a now kidney bean shaped Antimo swatted her with his 'Fairy Be Gone' flyswatter.
"We seriously just need to deal with these Peeps before a team of Peep infested John Madden clones appears and... too late." Antimo said as he pointed towards the Peepinators who somehow changed into John Madden if his head were replaced by a giant man eating, demon Peep.
"Do we really have to go through this Morgan? seriously!? I'M A **** KIDNEY BEAN FOR CHRIST SAKE!" Antimo shouted as Morgan noted that the kidney bean under him wore a Kamakaze head band and threw himself into a boiling pot in the name of Boston Baked Beans.
"Oh my **** god! When is there NOT a cliched, satirical, reference to a Celebrity, a food roup, Sports announcer, Movie Character, dark wizard, and or healthy bean type!? Genjitsu ni wa nejire no jon wa, eiga o kakutoku!" the Ruby Wolf shouted and performed the right hand signals by placing the Wii motes in their proper positions.
"No way... John Woo! The director of Bill and Ted movies, the Passion Of The Heist, Dead Cereal Presidents, and Sleepless In That Taco Ten Feet Over There!" Antimo cried with passion as John Woo kicked him off their filming studio.
"You got kicked by Woo biatch!" Morgan taunted his enemy before being punched in the groin by a stray beam of sexual frustration. "WHY CANT I GET ANY TAILS! SERIOUSLY! I MUST'VE FLIPPED THIS PENNY A THOUSAND TIMES AND I KEEP GETTING HEADS!" the Human laughed.
Antimo did not think it was funny at all. Then all Hell broke loose, killed the Peep commando strike force, destroyed the Peepinators, killed John Peeper himself, cut John Woo's funding, fired the John Madden Peep monsters, and set reality where they thought it was the most appropriate.
"Fox News Head Quarters!?" Antimo yelled.
"Could be worse." Morgan commented as the lights sparked to life. And they saw the ultimate forms of Evil in two seats right next to each other, staring at them from across the table they were seated at.
"Hi! And welcome to the Nancy "I'm going to eat your children one day" Grace and Glenn "Dark forces are writing a book about me" Beck, and this is 'Kill Yourself America! You're Not Good Enough To Live Another Day!" the announcer read from the teleprompter as metal chains wrapped themselves around Morgan and Antimo.
"You were saying?" Antimo questioned his new best friend.
"Wait for it... just **** wait for it." Morgan 'Ruby Wolf' Gavin said quietly, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"Tonight's guests will be questioned about-"